Old Town High School - Ye Olde Towne Crier Yearbook (Winston Salem, NC)

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SUPERLATIVES earths Sieiords: : See Rance Carolyn Riddle Richard Dilworth Best All-Round Charlotte Doub Bill Sheek Best Dressed Tommye Ann Blakley Rupert Bowen Most Popular Patsy Foster William Coltrane Wittiest Julia Norman Andy Oberhofer Most Original LOD Se ee snap pcappeea eapessEs ‘ 29

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acl kaeeeesies Martha Nance Roger Arrington Most Athletic Julia Norman Wayne Buie Most Likely To Succeed Charlotte Doub Buddy Daniels Best Looking Jessie Lee Vernon Jimmy Reich Most Talented Kay Long Larry Mink Most Intellectual 28

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CLASS PROPHECY The Prophecy you are about to read will be true. Only the time has been changed to satisfy Mrs. Newman. My name is Friday Oberhofer. I work the night watch out of Staley’s. The time is 10:37 P.M. The date, February 31, 1969. A call came in from the chief, “Fearless Willie” Coltrane. Willie had worked his way to Captain of the Robbery Detail after six years of pounding a beat at the Robin-Hood Drive-In. The chief gave me the details. The Vampire of Valley View had struck again!!! This time he had plundered the laboratory of “Mad Man” Mink. Mink was an eccentric old scientist who did biological research. The nature of his work re- quired a number of corpses, and for this reason he had located his laboratory in the graveyard. 10:51; we arrived at the scene of the crime. After a thorough investigation we discovered six bodies had been stolen. Professor Mink gave us the names of their late owners. There was that famous feline fancier “Cat-Hair” Arrington, and his beloved wife, the former “Bessie” Yvonne Lakey. While celebrating their honeymoon they had gone over Niagra Falls in a barrel of unfortunately poor quality. I had investigat- ed and discovered the barrel was sold to them by Eddie Tuttle. a Hadacol salesman. Eddie had achieved great financial success in this business, claiming that his tremendous muscular development was due entirely to the virtures of his produce. The third body was Don “Hot Rod” Patterson, well known in racing circles, but noted for his absentmindedness. He was doing a hundred and twenty in his souped-up Model A when he stepped out for a cup of coffee, thereby giving Mink another corpse to experiment on. The remaining three corpses bore the names Gayle Holcomb, Gail Redding, and Patsy Foster. They were a world famous trio, having given command performances before the Queen of England. They were noted for their realism but carried it too far, dying of thirst while singing “Cool Water.” These were the bodies. My Job? Find ’em!!! I needed a lead. I had to find some clues. I walked out into Mink’s graveyard to see what I could dig up. Then it happened!!! The graveyard reverberated with a shrill voice screaming, “Get ‘em while they’re hot,” and out from between the tombstones came a weiner wagon, upon which was printed in big red letters, “Bobo’s Red Hots.” Pushing the cart was a little old lady. I stopped her. “What’s your name m’am?” I said. “Ann Bailey.” “I just wanna’ get the facts m’am. What’s inside the wagon m’am?” “Nothin’.” I didn’t believe her. I searched the wagon. Then I found it. “All right,” I said, “You're under arrest.” “On what charge?” she asked. “Receiving stolen goods. There’s a hot dog in this wagon.” “You can’t arrest me. I don’t own this wagon. It belongs to Myers Moore Enterprises.” At last I had my lead. Myers and Moore both had long records. (Colombis LP, 33% RPM). I called my old friend Mack Lackey, the taxi driver. I directed him to the Stop Light District (corner of Reynolda and Polo). If I was to find Myers I needed a stool pigeon. We entered the den of the underworld, “Diamond Jim” Norman’s Casino. It was the Ritziest place in town. Twelve floor shows nightly. Every hour on the hour they would roll up the rug and you could see the floor. The first act was Carolyn Riddle and her magic bubbles. Diamond Jim had made his fortune selling pins. Background music was pro- vided by Max York, Joy White, Issac Gordon, and Carol Fergurson, who were in great demand as they were the world’s only drum quartet. Star of the show was Master of Cere- monies, Tommy Kimball, who told the heart-rendering story of how he rose from poor school bus driver to President of ie Kimball Chocolate-Covered Oyster Factory. Looking about the room I saw Melvin Hunter and His wife, the former Carolyn Allen celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary. Melvin was one of the richest men in the country, president of his firm, a company engaged in the manuf acture of Marilyn Monroe calendars. Sitting at a corner table was Roger Scott, the famous magazine illustrator. I sauntered over to him and whispered into his ear, “Where’s Zippo?” Scott motioned toward the back room. The door was marked ‘Don Hemrick, PRIVATE.’ I opened it slowly. For a moment all I could see was a large crystal basketball, shimmering in the darkness. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light I saw a man wearing a white T-shirt, the num- ber 4 emblazed in blue across it. He was gazing into the ball. Before I could speak he said, “Silence! I know why you are here. Arnold and Everette are hiding in the cellar at Kay’s Kandy Kitchen.” Before he could say more a woman rushed a in and was just about to deliver Zippo a sound blow upon the cranium (i.e., a sock on the beam) when she saw me. Her manner softened immediately and Zippo introduced her as his wife. I recognized her as the former Martha Nance. It seems they had married with the intention of raising a World’s Championship Basketball Team but had not gotten very far because Martha insisted on a Girls’ team and Zippo on a Boys team. I hopped back into Mack’s hack and we sped towards Kay’s Kandy Kitchen. Kay had originally intended being a nurse but an uncle of hers in Cuba had died, leaving her a ton of sugar which she did not want to waste. She was assisted in her occu- pation by one Dorothy Smitherman, who was well known in local taffy-pulling circles. I arrived at the Kitchen and politely shook hands, which was a mistake, since Miss Smitherman had recently been pulling taffy and it was some time before our hands could be separated. Meanwhile, the two fugitives fled. Ill: I had no difficulty in tracing them, however. They were holed up at the Town and Campus Race Track owned and operated by Jaybird Dilworth. This was a very exclusive re- sort frequented by such intellectuals as “Drip” Graham, well known author of stories guaranted to get an excuse from Mr. Lemley: Kenneth Casey, millionaire dairy farmer who made his fortune because he had influential pull. Wayne Buie, registered pharmacist, was on hand twenty-four hours a day for the benefit of those who had imbibed too freely of Jaybird’s Joy Juice, the house specialty whipped up by the old master himself. Clay Swaim, the parakeet magnet, was as usual in attendance at the track. Clay’s parakeets earned him a national reputation after he trained them to say “Going up” and “Going down” and installed them in various elevators about the country. All the guests at the track would stand spellbound as the World’s Champion Foxhunter, Richard Adams, would tell of his latest hunt and give intimate details about the care and preservation of stuffed fox tails. After Richard was through, the popular television songstress, Charlotte Doub, would top off the evening with a few of her favorite numbers. 12:26 A.M. I enlisted the aid of Inspector Jimmy Reich. It was rumored that he once worked for Scotland Yard, as most of the cases he handled were Scotch. Inspector Reich surr ound- ed the track. Then we closed in. The capture was easy. I crossed the street and went into a drugstore to telephone the wagon. Behind the counter was none other than Herman Bee- son and Catherine Williams. I asked Herman how business was and he replied by showing me the six carrot rings on Cathy’s fingers, making mention of the fact that it was made of real carrots, lest I should fail to notice. Cathy said it was the most beautiful ring she ever saw, but complained of being bothered by strange rabbits. Sitting at the counter were Bill Sheek and Tommye Ann Blakey. Bill told me he was in the dress business and being low on funds had married Tommye Ann with an eye toward free modeling service, thereby saving the company considerable money. He said he enjoyed his work tremendously. I had to wait awhile before I could use the phone. Several people were lined up waiting for it. Among these I noticed Jessie Lee Vernon. She told me she was in the hat-designing business with Julia Norman, and they were making quite a pile (of hats). When I asked Jessie about the millionaire oil man from Texas she told me the whole thing was off and she wouldn't mention any names but Peggy Grubbs was now married to him. “What was his name again?” “Cartwright,” she said, “Sanford Cartwright.” Just then the milkman came into the drugstore, staggering under his load of bottles. I recognized at once my old friend from first period sociology. It was Ed Fox. “Eddie, old boy,” I exclaimed, “How do you like working for Casey?” “Fine,” he answered, “Just one thing though, if you ever see Casey again, don’t shake hands with him. It’s murder.” The trial was set for March 1, At 10:00 A.M. the court was called to order, the Honorable Rupert Brown presiding. The honorable Judge instructed the baliff to call the jury. Among those called were Buddy Daniels, Mechanical Engineer for the Ace Can-Opener Company; Cecile Deal, a professional bas- ketball star; Nancy Conrad, secretary of the Treasury; Tommy Conrad, twice winner of the National Men’s Invitational Golf Tournament; Loretta Disher, hotel manager; Rebecca Sapp, interior decorator and Richard and Reginald Yarbrough, retired, both having married rich widows. The case was dismissed when Professor Mink testified that he found the bodies in his attic where he had placed them for safekeeping, and then forgot their whereabouts in his joy at being presented a science fiction novel, (“The Martian Chronicles”) at the regular meeting of the Local 805 Under- taker’s Union. The novel was presented for Mink’s pioneering efforts in the field of tombstone design.