Old Dominion University - Troubador Yearbook (Norfolk, VA)

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thing else covered in the Biology course and devote ourselves exclusive ly to crayfish appendages. You will certainly be justified in doing so, and I wish you well. But, as for me, I have a problem which I must take up with an Economics instructor. Oops! I’m very sorry. Why'ncha look where yer goin’? You a f re shman ? Poten ti ally. Oh? Well, I’m an Econ major. Anything I can do to help you get started? Why, yes. You can clue me on Economics. It has impressed me as a very practical science indeed, but I know nothing whatever about it. You don’t? Then, siddown. Are you in bus iness? In a sma 11 way. Must I confess that my sole source of income is the commission I receive on the sale of Clovcrine Salve? Are you an entrepreneur? No. I’m a native American. Great grandfather grew apples right here in Virginia. Am I the carrier of some obscure disease, unknown to me, one of the symptoms of which is this frantic look? He’s got it, too. One would think my answer made no sense. You don’t understand. Do you have a partnership? No. The profit is all mine. Some profit. Footballs, air rifles, baby Brownies, but it is all mine. Well, first of all. Economics is a social science... Doesn’t he rattle on, though. Certainly has a remarkable grasp of the subject. Factorial distribution, amalgamations and co-lusions - would you dig the facility with which he flings that Econ talk? Tell me, how is your comparative advantage? Deflated, unloaded, and out of film. Uh - yes. Let me give you some sound advise. I suggest you go down to the Medical Arts building and talk to Doctor Utley. An economist? No, a psychiatrist. Now, what in the Sam Hill did he mean by that? Psychiatrist? For me? Nonsense! I’m not nuts - maybe a little neurotic but not really nuts. Heh, heh, heh! Still, maybe I’d better drive sedately down and check up. •(!!!%$ • ?? and not only that but ?? • $%!!!) My model T doesn’t run worth a hoot from Hades. Every now and then, a rocket Oldsmobile manages to squeeze ahead of me at a stoplight, and it’s quite embarrassing. Maybe they could give me some hints in the Science department . Pardon me, sir; I have a problem. Obviously. Well, what is it? I’m in a hurry . My car doesn’t run as well as it should, and.... What you mean is that the moving body takes (T+X) seconds to get from point A to B when it should take only T seconds, am I r i ght ? Uh - yeh. Well, I want you to determine the length of the line, A-B, so we can figure out X. Take this steel measuring tape, transit range poles, stadia rod, chaining pins, and sextant, and, starting a bench mark no. 1 outside, make a complete open transverse of the course from the Administration building to the Navy Yard in Portsmouth. Be back in ten minutes. Ulp! How does he expect me to use all this stuff; I can’t even carry it. Maybe if I just leave it in this corner, nobody’ll.... Uh - hullo. I was just going out in the field for a spot of practical application. Well, you ought to be able to do a pretty good job of surveying with those instruments. The transit alone is worth over eight hundred dol lars. Eight hun...? Uh - maybe it’s too cold out there today. Wouldn’t want to get the things wet. Would you put them back? Uh - well, so long. Hey, wait! Yessi r? Do you own a 1924 Ford? Yessir. You’d better get out to your car. I just saw it roll out in front of a lady's new Buick, and she smashed it all to pieces. She’s phoning now to arrange a lawsuit against the owner... Phew! Well, she settled out of court, at any rate, and I ressurectcd my heap with a long piece of baling wire. Lessee, now. I shall become an English major, because, as far as I know, the English instructors like me. So, although it has been an eventful day, at least it hasn’t been a complete bust. Wonder why they all looked so puzzled...? (These symbols are intended to denote profanity. This is a bit of artistic cscafiisn with which our integrity can hardly concur. It is purely out of consideration for our more sensitive readers that we resort to this expedient. Chivalry ain't dead - just debased. It can be had in any taproom.) end of futnit.

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it already. OK, stop gassing. One of you heat that first flask up to 102° C, so we can start the synthesis. The other can get some goggles to wear in case the system clogs and explodes. Okay, I'll get the gog - what do you want, boy? I just wanted to look the place over, sir. Mercy, why are they so suspicious? They must take me for some sort of nihilist. Well, I guess we’re stuck with him. If we run him out, he’ll probably tip off everybody i n the building. True. It’s better to split the proceeds with just one more than with the whole bunch. Okay, boy, grab some goggles and stay out way. Wonder what they’re making. I’m all afire with curiosity. Better follow this procedure very carefully. Hmmn, they’re adding a dark brown, granular substance to clear liquid which is now boiling violently. Now, the whole maze of vessels is filled with a hot, brown vapor. All the vapor is collecting into a water condenser where it’s condensed to a liquid again. How fascinating! The experiment was evidently a success. There they stand, in a three way huddle, sniffing, smiling their delight, and shaking hands. I can stand it no longer. I must know! What in the world is it? You mean to say you don’t know? I’m afraid not, sir. Here, see for yourself. Mmmra - well I am aghast. I am indeed. Can I believe the testimony of my heretofore reliable olfactory organ? Can it - can it be... coffee? What do you think of it? It - it's excellent. It is. It’s undeniably as fine a vat of coffee as I’ve ever smelled. It’s - certainly -coffee. Heh, heh.. Excuse me, gentlemen, I just remembered a previous appointment’. Coffee. Nuts! ...and what do we do? We go and put mother-hubbards on these simple, happy people and make them miserable in a biological crime -and we call it civilization. Ah, the clarion ca11 of Bio logy instructor. And there he is - bathing his gold-fish and watching the young lady at the microscope. Say, what are you doing? You look so worried. A paramecium gummed one of our amoebae on his pseudopodium during first period lab. Neither of them seems to feel too well. Maybe they need a good stiff drink. What is the other gentleman doing? Oh, I see. Smearing the print on a set of pending departmental exams. If they aren’t better by tomorrow, give them a good dose of Hadacol. Fo’ fo’teen yeahs, ah wuz sick, run-down, couldn’ do mah wuk. Then, ah taken a case of Hadacol. Now, ah duz all mah fren’s wuk. Damned clever, these German scientists. I hope you’re all prepared for the lecture on the crayfish next week. Hemember, it is imperative that you emphasize the fact that the crayfish has nineteen appendages. It has? Well, fancy that. What has a crayfish, that I lack, to rate so many appendages? And what does it do with them all? Probably has to stuff them up under its cephalothorax to walk. Itwould look perfectly ludicrous scuttling across the floor with all nineteen appendages working in and out of one another. Wonder what is an appendage. Why, of course! All of us agreed that we wouldn’t pass any student who failed to learn the number of appendages on a crayfish. It wouldn't be fair to the student, no matter how much other biological information he possessed. How could we allow a student to go out into the world devoid of such vital information? Why, you never know when you might be called upon to know the appendages on a crayfish. Sorry, ma’am, but don’t make a big production of it. I’ve led a very sheltered life. Never had much fun as a child, myself. And somehow, my dear, departed Aunt Sarah, when she dandled me upon her substantial, well-uphol-stered knee, neglected to mention crayfish appendages. Probably just an overishgt, but there it is. I’m more to be pitied than censured. Had I ever encountered the emergency you mention, I should have been forced to tread heavily upon my inquisitor, for, until today, I hadn’t the foggiest notion how many appendages has a crayfish. But now I know, and you may rest secure in the knowledge that I shall never, ever be able to forget. ■Personally, I believe we could omit every-

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