Old Dominion University - Troubador Yearbook (Norfolk, VA)

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Twitch? What twitch? I have no twitch, or, anyway, I had no twitch. God knows what I have now, and He ain’t speaking to me. Now that you mention it, sir, it does feel rather twitchy, humm.’ Now I’ve lost the other one’s interest. He's gone back to his pocket edition of Plato. Ah, well.... Go on. You have some questions you wish to ask? Questions? Have I ever got questions! But I’m in deep enough as it is. If only that confounded gimmick he strapped me to would stop ticking - or if my eyebrow would stop twitching. Oy! M-may I have a glass of water? He ignores me. I can dehydrate for all he cares. Don’t touch that thermostot, you sadist! Oh my, he’s going to check my bumps again. Now he’s going into conference with his buddy. It’s evident that this lad is a victim of vicious asphasia, being bombarded by negative stimuli affecting the left wing of his hypo-t halmus. I’m a victim of heat prostration! Unstrap me! Thank you - oh, thank you. Or, as Plato would have it, he has crossed his particulars with his universals, thus achieving a negative and contradictory state, in which no philosophical progress is possible. I’ve got it! I’ve got it! Eureka! A fourth. Now we can play bridge Got what? A perfectly straight line! Don’t scream so. He must teach Mathematics. What has he there, anyway? As I live and breathe, it is indeed - a perfectly straight line. What, will they think of next? What exactly is this perfectly straight line of which you are so proud? Ah, the student of Plato has a word to say. Why, a one hundred and eighty degree angle, of course. And what is a one hundred and eighty degree angle? A straight line. You see, your definition leads to absurdity. How can they be so inte 11igent? Then, a straight line is the shortest distance between two points on a plane. A plane extended to infinity? I was once on a plane to Albuquerque, but this hardly seems the place to mention it. Presumably. How does one test the relative straightness of a line extended to infinity? One first assumes such a line, then brings to bear upon it all the postulates of Euclidian georaotry. If it stands up under all of them, it is a perfectly straight line. Obviously! But what if Euclid were mistaken? Oh, he couldn’t be. His is a perfectly valid geomotry. However, one can conceive of a gcomotry in which, through a point outside of a straight line, an infinite number of straight lines could be drawn.... How edifying! But I shall surely perish without water. I do hope they’ll excuse me. Ahhh! So refreshing. So far, I’ve learned that when Logic gets too logical, it becomes confusing. Well... Oops! Pardon me, sir, are youan i n -st ructor? Yes, indeed. Of Sociology. And these two gentlemen are history instructors. They all look rather normal, somehow. Would you tell me a bit about Sociology, sir? Certainly, boy, it deals wi’th social problems. Good day. Oh, don’t go, sir. Tell me more. Oh, very well. It is generally held by students of human behavior that as society becomes more complex, the proportion of persons who are inadequate is increasing.... So this is Sociology. Sounds like mud to me. While he’s rhapsodizing on what is evidently a favorite theme - the Ideologies of the Belgian Congoians - I suppose I can safely turn ray attention to these other two learned gentlemen. A11 freshmen should take a course in History of Civilization, for how else will the students become acquainted with the hair-dress of the Ancient Persians? Not at all, sir. It is obviously more beneficial for the students to concentrate on the Astrological factors that influenced

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PREFACE WE WOULD LIKE IX) PRESENT AN IMPRESSIONISTIC SURVEY OK THE BEGINNING STUDENT’S INITIAL REACTION TO THE COMPLICATED, SOPHISTICATED, OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT, OMSIPRESENT, OMNIVEROUS SOCIETY THAT COMPRISE COLLEGE LIFE. Move, you hulking peasants! Let roe off this mobile mix-master. Have you no respect for the enthusiasm of youth? This is my day to carve a niche for myself. I have a date with destiny. Ah, there it is -crouching guiltily ’midst the magnolia trees. I’m all agog. Not scared exactly; just a little unsteady. This is the seat of the learning I desire, and those are the heights of erudition to which I aspire. This is probably the most auspicious occasion of my brief career. What do I do now? I don’t even know what I want to study. Well, - all of human knowledge has its roots in speculation. The speculative science is Philosophy. From this, it seems to follow that my first stop should be the Philosophy depa rtment. So... ...here I am, and a fat lot of good it’s doing me. Both of these august individuals are so engrossed in their books that they don’t know I’m present - or don’t care. ■Ahem! Don’t scratch your foot, kind sir, look at me. Here stands fertile soil for the sowing of a few seeds of knowledge, and you sit there idly scratching the bite of some hypothetical insect. Beg podden, sir. Oh, yes; what can we do for you? Mercy! It’s a talkie! I never know what to do in these crises. Should I drop a curtsy? What did I want, anyway? Oh, yes... If you have a minute, sir, I’d like to know about Philosophy. Have I said something wrong? He looks so strange. Sort of - sort of homicidal, somehow. Maybe I should just leave quietly. The other gentleman is looking at me, too - with the same maniacal gleam in his eye. Oh my.... Won't you have a seat, my boy? The one in corner, please. Yes, the one with all the cobwebs. Allow me to introduce the psychology instructor. Uh - hullo. Why, how do you do, son, how do you do? Would you mind terribly if I examined your forehead, hmm? You have a couple of frightfully interesting bumps there. They intrigue me, really. Why, they're quite gentle. Actually kind of fatherly. And except for this childish fascination for the bumps I got in football, they seem fairly sane. Oops! What in heaven’s name is that? Only a lie detector, boy. Mere matter of form. Just relax your arm, so I can fasten this strap. Oh very well. It seems quite harmless. Surely, I’m mot so mean and narrow as to refuse this kindly individual such a small request. Strap away, me bucko. Your miserable little machine holds no terrors for me. Now this is cosy. They’re taking seats in front of me. Why are they staring? Is my hair uncombed? What did my sainted Aunt Sarah say? When in doubt, SALUTE! Well! Ohmigod! I knew it wouldn’t work. And they’ve inferred something from that simple gesture, something - sinister. But they seem pleased with their inference. Perhaps we'd better check the room temperature. Must be kept constant, you know. This limits external influences which might be upsetting our cerebral lobes. By the way, have you always had that little twitch of the eyebrow? Eyebrow twitch? Why - uh, I hadn’t noticed it be fore .

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soldiers to wear uniforms in American History. Then, I shall take both History of Civilization and American History. I feel confident that I should acquaint myself with these important historical facts. How clever I'm becoming! Bully for you, young man. And may I be permitted to mention the Government course which is also offered to the students? What gall! What unspeakable effrontery! How can he imagine that I don’t know all about the United States government? Sir, I am quite aware that I live in a Democracy and that our heritage as a nation is an impressive thing. As a matter of fact, my uncle is a 'hopper' for the house of representatives; no bills could be passed if it wasn't for my Uncle Harry. Well, I suppose you needn't take the course, since you already know what, most of the people in the United States know about their government. Oh, mercy, I'm blushing. I'm all happily confused. But, I’m delighted that he appreciates what I learned in high school. All of this is quite new to me, sir. Have no fear, my boy; in Sociology, the main emphasis is placed on social problems. Good heavens! Forgive me for swearing. Aunt Sarah. I have no social problems at all. Why, only last night I was invited to a party. But, thank you for your interest, and if you’ll excuse me...? Certainly, boy. Come see us any time. College is interesting. But what strange people one meets. Even those lovely people began to get a rather frantic look before I left them. Is there something about me that brings this out in people? What is that ominous murmer? Do they have a class in witchcraft? It seems to be coming from that office. This is no time for cowardice. Courage, boy - yours is a tradition of exorbitant valor. This is it; never fear those pulsating walls. Turn that knob, and walk on in. Gad, what a frightening sound. Surely, my delicate eardrums have been rent asunder. But what an innocent, ostensibly mild-mannered, gathering is its source. Mixed couples and all talking at once, but - in what strange tongues! The young man in the corner is obviously speaking Lower Slobhovian - regardless of his habit of gargling. But the object of his discourse is sorely afflicted. Some sort of adenoidal ailment is responsible for that nasal tone. What a pity! The poor unhappy wretch. Perhaps I can lend some assistance. I shall tell him of the EENT clinic. Uh - podden me, sir, but I know where you can get that fixed. Why so quiet, all of a sudden? Can I have erred? Have I committed a faux-pas? If so, what is a faux-pas? Why, oh why this funeral silence? One of the young ladies is speaking.... -Callate, cochino, o te echo a los perros. Oh my, I'm blushing again. That French certainly lends itself to pretty speeches. And she said it so soft and musically. Really, ma’am I’m too young for that sort of thing. -Qu'est ce qUe e'est? Ich glaube es ist ein neuen student. -Qui cas esta aqui con una beca de futbol. Oh, let’s not make a big thing of it. It’s nothing any healthy, red-blooded young American wouldn’t do for one of his less fortunate brethren. Maybe the little lady under that monstrous stack of papers speaks English. Excuse me, ma’am, do you speak English? -Basta, si lencio. I guess not. What, is she muttering, anyway? Something about pre-class tests. It’s quite all right. Don’t apologize. Tell me, young man, have you had any background in Language? Oh, yes sir! Auf Deutsch? -Mais oui. (Now, why that profound sigh?) -En francais -Si, senor. (How come he shudders?) -Ah, en espanol. Ja, fraulein. I guess I impressed them. They’re so busy discussing my linguistic ability that they’re ignoring me. Er scheint hoffnungslos; nicht wahr? -Certainemcnt! -Cuan estupido se puede ser y vivir? Genau so dumm wie er. How nice of them! I shall bow slightly from the waist, in acknowledgement. In which language, in your opinion, should I major? - En g 1 a i s. Englisch. -Ingles. Shaddup and geddadahere. I suppose we've been distracting her. She’s such a busy soul. I’ll murmer a polite good-bye. -Arr ivederci . I beg your pardon, young lady, what is major? Language. What do 'Englisch', 'englais', and 'ingles’