Old Dominion University - Troubador Yearbook (Norfolk, VA)

Page 25 text:

Smarts

Page 27 text:

PREFACE WE WOULD LIKE IX) PRESENT AN IMPRESSIONISTIC SURVEY OK THE BEGINNING STUDENT’S INITIAL REACTION TO THE COMPLICATED, SOPHISTICATED, OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT, OMSIPRESENT, OMNIVEROUS SOCIETY THAT COMPRISE COLLEGE LIFE. Move, you hulking peasants! Let roe off this mobile mix-master. Have you no respect for the enthusiasm of youth? This is my day to carve a niche for myself. I have a date with destiny. Ah, there it is -crouching guiltily ’midst the magnolia trees. I’m all agog. Not scared exactly; just a little unsteady. This is the seat of the learning I desire, and those are the heights of erudition to which I aspire. This is probably the most auspicious occasion of my brief career. What do I do now? I don’t even know what I want to study. Well, - all of human knowledge has its roots in speculation. The speculative science is Philosophy. From this, it seems to follow that my first stop should be the Philosophy depa rtment. So... ...here I am, and a fat lot of good it’s doing me. Both of these august individuals are so engrossed in their books that they don’t know I’m present - or don’t care. ■Ahem! Don’t scratch your foot, kind sir, look at me. Here stands fertile soil for the sowing of a few seeds of knowledge, and you sit there idly scratching the bite of some hypothetical insect. Beg podden, sir. Oh, yes; what can we do for you? Mercy! It’s a talkie! I never know what to do in these crises. Should I drop a curtsy? What did I want, anyway? Oh, yes... If you have a minute, sir, I’d like to know about Philosophy. Have I said something wrong? He looks so strange. Sort of - sort of homicidal, somehow. Maybe I should just leave quietly. The other gentleman is looking at me, too - with the same maniacal gleam in his eye. Oh my.... Won't you have a seat, my boy? The one in corner, please. Yes, the one with all the cobwebs. Allow me to introduce the psychology instructor. Uh - hullo. Why, how do you do, son, how do you do? Would you mind terribly if I examined your forehead, hmm? You have a couple of frightfully interesting bumps there. They intrigue me, really. Why, they're quite gentle. Actually kind of fatherly. And except for this childish fascination for the bumps I got in football, they seem fairly sane. Oops! What in heaven’s name is that? Only a lie detector, boy. Mere matter of form. Just relax your arm, so I can fasten this strap. Oh very well. It seems quite harmless. Surely, I’m mot so mean and narrow as to refuse this kindly individual such a small request. Strap away, me bucko. Your miserable little machine holds no terrors for me. Now this is cosy. They’re taking seats in front of me. Why are they staring? Is my hair uncombed? What did my sainted Aunt Sarah say? When in doubt, SALUTE! Well! Ohmigod! I knew it wouldn’t work. And they’ve inferred something from that simple gesture, something - sinister. But they seem pleased with their inference. Perhaps we'd better check the room temperature. Must be kept constant, you know. This limits external influences which might be upsetting our cerebral lobes. By the way, have you always had that little twitch of the eyebrow? Eyebrow twitch? Why - uh, I hadn’t noticed it be fore .