Ohio State University College of Medicine - Caducean Yearbook (Columbus, OH)

Page 8 text:

For in the beginning... there was a blest childe born, the bright light of destiny aglow on his sweete, fey face... predestined to The Calling, perched precariously but without fear on his mothers firm fundus, he undertook an mmmediate study of this nearest thing at hand. “Mmmmm, batteldore,’ he muttered, wiping the meconium from his dimpled chin... ¢ ares o) j . . . it happened one day durmg eal the four o’clock bottle... his beloved mother, still in the depths of her puerperium, was startled to hear him say, “Mama, when I grow up I wish to be— f if PAs | d é L 4, not a cowboy, a copper, a fireman or a prize- fighter —but—but ...? “Yes,? his mother whispered, afire with anticipation? the sky darkened porten- tuously ... there was a great rolling of thunder and a lightning clap (not to be confused with a popular lay expression for fulminating Neissertan urethritis) for this was a grave and meaningful point in time. “Mama,” he repeated, tho she had heard him the first time.. “l-—lsqwant tobe a DOCLOR . 7 “My son, my son,” she cried, fall- ing to her knees and clutching his tiny frame to her muttonous bosom. “My Son, my Son,? she cried, capitalizing the “Son”? on the second tune around—she was that moved. “Pwoof, he replied arly, unable to speak per oral. “Pwoof—wump, he added, waxing cyan- otic. Then he moved. Page Four

Page 7 text:

and who... having voluntarily allied themselves to that special champion of human life, having freely and selflessly dedicated them- selves to the ceaseless struggle against all things inimical to the upright beast’s biological prosperity . . . do feel gently impelled to dedicate these pages to the curious Priesthood of Medicine . . . which they now do with moderate respect and tremendous affection ... Page Three

Page 9 text:

. . . supplementing laboratory endeavor with consult to many massive tomes of a tech- nical nature he progressed steadily to the end of his choosing. His friends called him schizoid until the day they heard him shout ec- statically : “Vive medicine!” He studied french on the side. In subsequent years he was ever faithful to his ideal... He made quaint ex- o perimental observations on lower animals, and ou studied their practical application to the lowest TA form afoot...neer relenting, studiously plug- 2 sates. ; ‘Tsie ging, he biologized all over town. He had an aston- ishing singleness of purpose... .. . practisng everything from peripatetic pelvics to perigrinating proct- oscopics, he was heard to cry... “Hold still, honey, dammit—it’s all for — — science.” ee . . many hours he spent orating by the sea, his mouth full of pebbles, thinking ahead to the glories of academic medicine—of teaching ...and was finally graduated from high school, splendid in academic gown... Page