Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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A Few of My Experiences I R!- ! . f' 1x URINE? my frequent visits with my friend, Dr. Murphy, in my home town, I became interested in tooth carpentry, and I became anxious to , 1 be a professional hugger, so I wrote for one of kid those programs that they get out about the school. 3 and after talking matters Over with 111a and pa, , they decided to give me a chance. so I got up elitly one morning before hrealx'fasta-WS. l alums get and i went down to the depot and I asked for :1 cup of coffee and :1 doughnut, and right there up he Fore b teak fast is where I got homesick because the doughnut reminded me of pa, as he always said Deacon Jones was as important as the middle of a doughnut. VV'elL when I got 011 that train I saw all kinds of funny people. One fellow sat sort of straight up and down and had 011 one of those long, black Stoveepipe hats, and he looked just like a stick of licorice. I was riding of it long time and I says to the porter, 'Can we get anything lo eat on board? He says, nYes, wait a minute and I111 bring you the boatdf and he brought me a little, narrow strip of board with a folding leg 011 it They put it up in front of you and it is supposed to be a table. You might just as well try and balance your grub 011 a bed slat. When the waiter came around I ordered three strips of bacon, a ham- mer and a box of tacks, so that I could keep the bacon down C9 ton the tableJ. But while I was worrying along with mine a man across the aisle opened up his red leather valisc and pulled out one of those homemade cmubination sandwiches With everything in it they don't Arwthing in the sandwich that wants to travel leaves with the sandwich and it is- about three stories You have to eat it to save it, for it's too far gone to .Xt'tcr unbuttoning the sandwich and removmg a stove lifter, a few shoe buttons and stray hairs, he closed the sandwich and opened his mouth, and, Heaven forbid, if i had such a trap I would travel as a Herrman, for it was a case of now vou see it and now you ilonlt II mean the sandwich. not the mouth, because when he opened his mouth you couldn't see the many He next devoured a piece of mince pie, and in a few minutes commenced to double up like a jack-knife. I asked him What was the matter and he says, l'I think 1113- wife put some nuts in that pie without cracking them? WVellfl I says, can you crack them that way? if so I111 eat mine with the shells on after this and crack them when I get ready? He tinally straightened out and dug into his valise and pulled out a hot water bottle s you see he had eaten these combination sandwiches and mince pie before. He got the sympathetic porter to fill it with boiling hot water for him, and While it was there he didnt do a thing but yank a tin cup out of his grip, un- Did you ever have one? want at home, high save itself.

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screwed the stopper from the hot water bag and pour him- self out a cup of hot coffee. Talk about your light house- keeping! The stomachache was only a fake; all he wanted was the hot water for his coFfee; he had the grounds in the bag all the time One old Irishman in the seat in front of me was mad at everybody, and when the conductor shouted Iona tIeowne 20 Station, the Irishman looked out, and after getting a glimpse of a rickety, old station, he said, '1 dont believe I would tell everybo ly about it anyway. Une old girl 21 few seats behind me had her kld with her, and I don't know what he was trying to do, but the Irishe man said that maybe he was trying to sing, but it sounded more like moving furniture. Pa. always told me I had a good voice for singinge if he forgot h0w my voice sounded when I was gone he would just teat a rag. Finally we landed in that good, old town of Cincinnati, and when I stepped out of the station, I walked up to a policeman and asked him how to get to where I was gomg, and he said to take a green hotse-car. I says, All right. how often do they run PH and he says they run OE and 011 all day, but more off than on. He says, HThe car you want goes over Third street and comes back on Fifth. Says I. ttVVhatts the matter, is it ashamed to come back on the same street it goes down on ? I asked him again how often they were running, and he sait, fti-weekly; they go down one week and try to get back the next HI-Iow in the world do people living along this street get to the theaters ? says I, and he says, NThey don't go; they just stay at home and laugh at these cars? He left me then and in about a half hour he came back and. says, III-lavenjt any ears passed ? and I says, 1 Yes, but none with a green horse. Bing! 21nd I saw stars, but when I came to I was seated in the corner of that car and the con, ductor was standing over me. Says he, lIAre you in here 125 on purpose?U So few people ride on that line he couldn't believe he had a passenger. Being a passenger, I handed him a dime and he handed me back a safety pin and two cough dropsi I says, ttWhatls that? and he says, ttYour change; thatls all Ilvc taken in so far today. After a while a lady got on the car with a goat, and the conductor said tlLady, you cant ride on this car with that goat, and she says, KII tlonlt intend to; Illl pay the goatls fare and get out ancl walk myself, but as she had forgotten her pocketbook, the driver came in and milked the goat for the tfairl when he got hungry. Finally I saw a sign out 'tBoarders Wanted,H and I got off the car and went up to the door, rang the bell and a lady came to the door and says, IlDid you ring? I says, No, but the hell did. I told her I wanted board. She says, IiAlI rightf and takes me up stairs to my room, and by the way. did you ever hoard? Well, you dont know what youive missed. My room was one of these regular boarding-house rooms; it was; so small that they had to paint the gas and the furniture on the walls, and the bed was one of these beetle hound shapes aboutras wide as a narmw pillow, and as long as a short bolster. The door opened out in the hall because the room couldnlt accomodate you and the door at the same time. When I went to bed at night I had to balance myself on my heels and my neck and peel myself like a banana and hang my clothes out of the Window. The first night every time I fell asleep I fell out, but the second night I bought a pair of stirrups and fastened one 011 each side of the bed and let them hang down, and your Uncle Fuller would ref mount every time heId fall out. Since then I have tried 964 boardiugehouses, and if somebody will start up a new one Illl give it a trial. The last place where I boarded I had a room-mate who was a bicycle rider. Did you ever sleep with a bicycle rider? Don't do it, for he'll kick the bed-clothes 0H: and