Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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L'I'l FUNeALLEG l AND REAL Instead of their annual passes on some of the larger railroads, those who have long enjoyed these favors are said to have received the following cards January Ist: THE SCRIPTURE VERSUS PASSES. 'Thou shalt not passf'eNumbem mm, 18. t'Sm'Fer not a mam t0 pass. -Judges iii, 28. T112 wicked shall no more passXJ-Nalmm 11, I 5. ttThoug'h they roar, yet can they not fva-sst-IM'. 7.1,, 2.9. He paid the fare and went. Jonah i, 3. A politician who was a trifle provoked over the antii pass order, suggested that the New Year cards be re- turned with this endorsement: HIt will be remembered that Shylock draws upon Holy writ to make a point in 'The Merchant of Venicefl and that Bassanic; retorts that IThe devil can quote Scripture to his purposef 'J Johnnie was very fond of watching his mother dressl One day, when she was brushing her hair, he exclaimed: nMamma, why does your hair snap so ?ll uBecause there is so much electricity in it,'l she replied. johnnie sat look: ing at her for a few minutes very thoughtfully, and then burst out with: ' VVhat a queer family we must be. Grannie has gas in her stomach, and you have electricity in your hair. I have a premonition Fl hoarsely whispered she, pulling out her first gray hair. HPremonition of what ? growled her husband, llA premonition that I shall dye to-night? 'tVVhy is a clock like a vain, pretty young lady ?' uI fail to see any resemblance. Why P WBecause it is all face and figure, has no head to speak of, is hard to stop when it is once wound up and has a striking way of calling attention to itself every hour in the day? A sign over the stairway of a New York factory build- ing reads: llGirl wanted to sew buttons on the sixth floor. Somebody suggested that the building inspectort in view of recent collapses, had ordered suspenders for floors that were likely to come down. A young bookkeeper recently, married, carefully laid down a piece of bread the other night, and said to his wife : .tI wish you could make bread such as mother used to make. The young wife smiled and remarked: thell, john, I wish that you could make the ldough' that father used to make. A hush as silent as death fell over the hou sehold. 117 e

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BORROWED WISDOM Laughter is the great lubricant of life, nJust as good is seldom as good and never just. True love is responsible for many follies and a few crimes. Love of popularity has put many a man out of the run- rung, It would be easier to be honest if it were pust as profit- able. It takes two to make a bargain and one to get the best of it. It is hard to save money when you haven : any left over to save. Any man who waits for something to turn up will have a lifetime job, Wise men makes hay while the sun shines, but fools make it by gaslight. A barber isn't necessarily an artist because he illustrates his stories with cuts. The way a boy gets disciplined is first to go to school, and then get married. 116 Seliishneas is the Horiginal sin. There is no poison like an ingrowing soul. Keep your promises in all things. The time to be care- ful is when making promises. Many a man is so crooked that his measure can only be taken with a corkscrew. The man who gets your balky horse will be laying for you and so will his neighbor. Few women are as good as they look and few men are as bad as they pretend to be. It is queer that when a girl has sunny hair She seldom has that kind of a disposition. You cannot dream yourself into a character ; you must hammer and forge yourself one. This world loves a peaceful man, but it always gives the right of way to a strenuous kicker. Most of a man's troubles are due to the fact that he does not keep enough of his thoughts to himself. In spite of the grafters and officeholders people continue to look clown on burglars and highwaymen. Think three times before you speak and the chances are you W1 . deCIde it is best to keep your mouth shut.

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A GIFT. There was a young lady of Butte, Who thought herself very acute, That her suitor might praise her, She gave him a razor, Which suited her suitork hirsute. PERSEVERANCE. A eat in clespondency sighed, And resolved to commit suicide; He got under the wheels Of nine automobiles, And after the last one he died. A PORTRAIT. There once was an affable llar Who sat round and smoked an old briar; But his smile was so gracious And his heart was so spacious That everyone loved that old liar. A gentleman 0n the Rialto Saw a pretty peroxide contralto. In a timid and awed way She tried to cross Broadway, So he helped her across the asphalt, oh, FASTIDIOUS. A gentleman of Bucharest In the State's prison once took a rest. He said: llI dorft care For the plainness 0f fare; But truly I can't brook arrestf' PRUDENCE. Dentistil've iilled all your teeth 'that have cavities, sir. Mahoney-VVelL thin, fill tlf rist av thim too. Thin whiu thl cavities come the-Vlll be already filled, hlgohs! :18 e WOULD YOU ? He kissed me ! It was very wrong; For though his heart is warm and true Such right does not to him belong, I ought to punish him; would you? He kissed me! How was I to guess That he the daring deed would do? And till too late in words express My disapproval? Ah! could you? He kissed me! Heaven forgive the harm Our hearts in love'.Q glad raptures do! About me softly stole his arm- And IeVVould you have kissed him. too? l A TOAST. Let us eat, let us drink and be merry, And with never a thought of the gout, Let's forget every sorrow today, for tomorrow We'll have indigestion, no doubt. A DIAGNOSIS. With a frog in your throat and a flea in your ear And a bee in your bonnet, too, And an elephant on your hands, it is clear We mugt call it a horse on you.