Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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What the Poor Man Told the Doctor MY DEAR DOCTOR; The term, Hdear in this case is not one of affeetiou but inspired by your bill of $72, which has just arrived. When I called you in three weeks ago you said that you would do me good. I thought you meant my health, not my pocketbook. You have itemized the statement, else I should be totally at sea as to what I am to pay for. You say thirty visits at $2 a visit, $60; for consultation with Dr. Cuttem, $10, and 111CdiCIrlCS;$2. Doei; it not strike you as a little unjust, doctor, to tax me $70 for talk and $2 for medicine? What I needed was medicine5 not talk. And'that consultation, for which I am asked to pay $10. You and Dr. Cuttem came together and thumped my chest 21nd felt my pulse ; Cuttem gravely pulled his; whisken and you seriously mopped the sweat from your bald head. uHets a sick man, said Cuttcm, and needs constant careft Then you two whispered together and departed. N ow before you were called in aind before Cuttem was called in I knew I was a very sick man. If I had been a well man I should not have sent for you But I must pay a ten spot for being told something that Lkuew before anyone else. We owe a great debt to medical science, I know, but there is no justice in trying to make me pay it. During the time that you made those $2 visits you smoked my cigars, ate the orange: that were placed at my bedside, put my Bowers in your button hole, carried away a box of 114 figs, and frequently Iunched on the delicacies that my fond and loving wife prepared for me. I made no objection to that, thinking, of course, that you would credit me with the price of the meals. Now you want me to pay you for eatiiig my food. The medicine for which you ask $2 consisted of a porous plaster and a bottle of linimeut. The porous plaster is stiltwith me, but the linimeut you took away with you on your last visit. I am expecting every day to have you come and tear the plaster from my back, It evidently costs money. to be sick. It is a luxury that only the rich can afford. A man has no chance of recovery nowadays, for he no sooner gets better than the doctor's bill gives him a relapse. I am goingrback to work tomorrow and the first $72 I get together in one lump is yours. I have worked for the last twenty-five years and the biggest sum I ever amassed in that length of time was $8. Your chances are rather slim, but as you frequently advised me: I'We must hope for the best and be prepared for the worst? I assure you that I was prepared for everything but the size of your bill. I see now Why you were so solicitous to have my wife and me ready for the worst. Yours deeply in debt, OWEN MOORE, It is hard to believe a man is telling the truth when you know you would he were you in his place.

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BORROWED WISDOM Laughter is the great lubricant of life, nJust as good is seldom as good and never just. True love is responsible for many follies and a few crimes. Love of popularity has put many a man out of the run- rung, It would be easier to be honest if it were pust as profit- able. It takes two to make a bargain and one to get the best of it. It is hard to save money when you haven : any left over to save. Any man who waits for something to turn up will have a lifetime job, Wise men makes hay while the sun shines, but fools make it by gaslight. A barber isn't necessarily an artist because he illustrates his stories with cuts. The way a boy gets disciplined is first to go to school, and then get married. 116 Seliishneas is the Horiginal sin. There is no poison like an ingrowing soul. Keep your promises in all things. The time to be care- ful is when making promises. Many a man is so crooked that his measure can only be taken with a corkscrew. The man who gets your balky horse will be laying for you and so will his neighbor. Few women are as good as they look and few men are as bad as they pretend to be. It is queer that when a girl has sunny hair She seldom has that kind of a disposition. You cannot dream yourself into a character ; you must hammer and forge yourself one. This world loves a peaceful man, but it always gives the right of way to a strenuous kicker. Most of a man's troubles are due to the fact that he does not keep enough of his thoughts to himself. In spite of the grafters and officeholders people continue to look clown on burglars and highwaymen. Think three times before you speak and the chances are you W1 . deCIde it is best to keep your mouth shut.