Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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and he was deeply impressed by the beautiful ceremony of retreat, which is performed every evening at sun- down. The dentist that night was talking to some of the junior oflicers, and, swelling with importance, said: I suppose I'll have to appear at retreat to-morrow night. Of course, said the lieutenant, still full of West Point tricks You7ll have to be out on your horse in full uniform and ride up and make your report like the other oliicers do. You noticed how the adjutant faced toward the regiment as it was drawn up in line and said, 4Oflicers front and center,' and that the oflicers at the word of command marched forward and stood in line in front of the adjutant and that each one in turn saluted and said : 'Sir, E company all present or accounted for.' Well, you must ride out on your charger- Charger, exclaimed the astonished dentist, why, I haven't got a charger. V What? shrieked the lieutenant and all the other officers in chorus. You haven't-got-a-charger PM N-o, faltered the dentist, 'K I didn't know I had to have one. Look here, old man, said the West Pointer, you n1ust read up a little on military affairs. The idea of your coming here as a lieutenant-dentist and not having any charger ! Don't let the colonel know it. You just hunt around and get a horse. Now, at review after the other officers have made their report you come riding out on your charger and salute by raising your saber three times over your head and- Why, timidly put in the de11tist, I haven't any saber. The truth of the matter is that dentists serving at military posts are not permitted the dignity of carrying swords. 4' Well, said the lieutenant, I can't understand it, but I'll be your friend. I'll get a saber for you. Now, after you salute, you make your report. An officer in command of a company reports how many men he has absent, but as you have no company and your duties are quite different, you will make report in re- gard to what you have done during the day. The next night at retreat the regiment was in line and looked its best, for a large number of civilian visitors had run out from the city and stood under the trees at one side watching the impressive sight. The officers had marched to the front and center and made their reports to the adjutant, when suddenly there was a COIIIIIIOIIOII on the left Hank of the line. Around the corner of the big barracks dashed, or rather lumbered, a great, heavy footed sway backed horse, which the dentist had borrowed that morning from a -teamster in the small town near the post. Seated on the horse was a figure fairly radiant in a uniform that would have made Gen. Miles turn green with envy. Straight at the horrified adjutant rode this fearful apparition, The horse was excited at the scene into which he had been thrust and showed a disposition of running over the adjutant, while the glorious hgure on the horse's back, tugging hard on the reins, yelled: Whoa! whoa! Finally the horse stopped, a11d, while the long line of soldiers stood with their eyes pop- ping from their heads, the colonel pinched himself to see if he were dreaming. The dentist then whipped out his saber and solemnly raised it three times over his head. Then in a shout he said 1 Sir, dentist-lieutenant present and accounted for. I have to report eighteen teeth pulled tofday, four filled, and a false set of teetl1 started for Major Straps. I await your orders. .

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rl HAD FUN WITH DENTIST E- HIS TROUBLES AT AN ARMY POST 5 i-l 7 m 5 T -- u ENT ISTS have been given a commis- ,, L lp, sioned rank in the army. At each pg, military post in the United States there is now a dentist who holds 9, ZLZR rank as a irst lieutenant, The inno- fw vation was received with a good deal .1 W of suspicion and disfavor in the army, for military men are conservative to a degree. Nevertheless, the Government recognized that private soldiers have teeth, like everybody else, and that these teeth sometimes need professional attention. Line officers were reconciled to the situation when they discovered they would no-longer be duped by their soldiers obtaining permits to be absent from camp for a day or two at a time under pretense of going into town to consult a dentist. When a dentist is stationed at the post it is found that the condition of the teeth of the men improved amazingly. The dentists are not fully commissioned officers, as, instead of a commission, they have a contract with the Government to act as dentists to the troops, with rank as first lieutenants. The distinction is vague to the civilian mind, but the army officers appreciate it and look to it carefully that the dentist does not exceed his prerogatives. In a regimental post in the West the dentist who was sent there had, unfortunately for himself, an exaggerated idea of his position, He wasterribly conceited to begin .with and his appointment to the army had given him a serious attack of the big head. He was an enthusiast over military affairs, his enthusiasm being only equaled by his ignorance in regard to everything of a warlike nature. He took with him to the post a half dozen or more uniforms of all kinds and descriptions, white gloves by the box, shoulder straps, epaulettes, and several yards of gold lace. He had never been at .a military post before,

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If a mine had been exploded under that regiment the effect could not have been more striking. The adjutant managed to regain his composure, however, and with his face black as a thunder cloud, answered solemnly and with the regulation salute : Very good, sir, return to your post The dentist, again waving his sword, attempted to obey, but in returning his saber to its scabbard he stabbed his horse, and it promptly ran away. There was a long interview that night between the dentist and the colonel, and after it was concluded the colonel had another interview with a certain young lieutenant in the regiment. The dentist does not attend retreat any more. IOO