Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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.. THE DENTIST .. Wlio opens your mouth like a mammoth cave And plows your gums with a barrel stave And prods your tongue when it won't behave? The dentist. YVho stuffs your mouth with a bitter rag And stops your wind with a rubber gag And straps your head like a vicious nag? The dentist. XV ho finds decays where your teeth are sound And probes you deep in his glee to wound And leaps for joy when the nerve is found ? Tl1e dentist. VVho runs his drills with a wicked glee And shoves as none can shove but he And smiles as bland as a bad Chinee ' The dentist. W'ho twists your teeth in an iron pry And carves your gums like a steak to fry And grinds you up till you nearly die? The dentist. l , 1 II x Wlio loves to look on his forceps cold And grins as the cursed things take hold And jerks in a way that can't be told? The dentist. Wlio lays before you a hundred steels Vfith hooks and points that the patient feels At one brief glance from head to heels? The dentist. Who drops you down in his easy chair- To relieve your mind talks in an easy air- Then stabs you quick till it raises your hair? The dentist. VVho loves to have your free good will Before he feels brave to present his bill, The amount of which will surely kill? The dentist.

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yell the moment the dentist reaches for his forceps In such cases he adopts a surprised air and assures the patient that he is not ready to commence. They quiet down and he starts what he asserts is an examination of the tooth. Suddenly the calm of the patient resolves into an agency of real suffering, surprise and anger. The forceps sink under the tooth and the tooth comes out, accompanied by a magnificent yell. Some persons grab the dentist's arm, and not a few try to bite his hand, an operation which is often successful. Then there is the local patient, who calmly designates the tooth, opens his or her mouth and sits still. They grasp the arms of the chair, tighten the neck muscles and when the pull comes it is met with a resistance that 7t means just as near a painless extraction as it is possible to produce without gas. The filling of teeth, however, furnishes the real test, if the patient happens to have some sensitive teeth. Every turn of the drill seems to sink to the very nerve centers. The drills get heated and the agony increases. It apparently grows bigger with each turn. Wlieii his subject sits back in the chair and bears the wear and tear of the drill upon teeth the doctor knows only too well are in the sensitive class, without complaint, he is given in full measure the respect and admiration of the dentist, who knows just how it feels, even if he donlt seem to appreciate the extent of his and his instruments, ability to torture. El XX-, 1 c.,s,wgaJ!- THX! I fe 'Gi 'sy II3

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Is There Anything Funny in That? What makes people laugh? lTis a mystery great g To solve it we struggle in vain. We see the new Junior coine out with his case And his engine-that demon of pain. It's his very first patient, that's easy to see, And the very sanie chair where our irst patient sat. As we watch his queer movements we all shake with glee. Is there anything funny in that? I By an unlucky turn, or a twist, or a jerk, All his instruinents fly to the floor. The poor, luckless student bends down on his knees, And the boys whistle, laugh, and they roar. Our kind Superintendent comes ,round to the chair 7 And gives him a call-down' both flippant and pat : And now think it over and tell me, I pray, Is there anything funny in that? 115 Soine friendly young student, more kind than discreet, At roll-call discovers his 1'OO11l-111?1tEZ'S not there g He gets in a crowd, and in sepulchral tones, When the naine's called answers solemnly Here I Then our Doctor Way, who's as keen as he's kind, Picks out that boy and sits on hiin flat : While the rest of the fellows stand round him and laugh Is there anything funny in that? -PAUL CAssrDv.