Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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PREFACE O'ne'O 'Aft' ur K- N presenting to our readers THE ALETHIAN-the first in the history of the Col- t lege-we naturally feel the attending anxiety as to how it will be received. Should it fall into the hands of an unkind critic, we will suggest that he remember our object, which was not to rival in word-painting some of the effusions of our master-minds, but rather to amuse than instruct. P2 WW I-lad We pursued the instructive method you would find about it that impress- Q ive incomprehensibility which is the usual concomitant of a Work of that nature. Yet, notwithstanding its service as a remembrance, it has a purpose,-which is to inform our readers of the pleasurable experiences we have enjoyed during our three years of college evolution. Our sole intention has been to present for your perusal the playful yarns spun at the expense of the Faculty, and to relate the many jokes coined by our ready wits. In what degree you will be benefited by such service, it is believed an ample source of pleasurable information will be found in our compilation of them. Should such a result be realized, we will not regard those moments the least happy in our college days which have been employed in their amalgamation. Thanking heartily those who have in any Way assisted us in this work, and with the hope that it will endure the ordeal of the closest scrutiny, we present it to the justice of posterity. THE EDITORS I

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Taylor said: Let 's have a lecture. And I do n't know nothing, said the hero. XVell that's all right fin a whisperj, neither does W'att. You rnight as well keep up appearances, said Dr. Keely, cautiously. XVell, gentlemen, being as I am founder of this school, I guess I'l1 lecture first. My subject is, 'The evil caused by rag-time n1usic.' He was very brilliant in his discourse. Next came Keely. Subject: NVhat my cure is worth per bottle, and how much good it has done for me. The way he handled the matter showed that he was thoroughly at home with the subject. XVatt, ot' course, took chemistry. VVhat sediment would you have, if you spread guufcotton on an anvil, and struck it with a hammer? I'll ask Dr. Keely. A quantity of hair, three finger nails, one bicuspid, and a big hole in the ground, Give the chemical formula? Gone, but not forgotten. Correct, Sir: correct. Then they wanted an anatomy quiz, but had no one to take that chair. Finally, they asked the hero, who, after much persuasion, consented. Dr. Taylor, where is the superior costoatransverse ligament situated ? Hypersensitive dentinef' That 's right. Give me the treatment for it.'l Treat it with Keely cure. Use whisky as an anti' dote to the cure. Have patient return ten times, and charge Hfteeu dollars per visit. Charge extra for the Keely cure. VVell, that concluded the lectures. They were going IOS to have a class-meeting, but all at once someone discov- ered the vulcanizer in the hero's pocket. XVhy, what 's that? they asked, in chorus. I know what that is, said Taylor: that 's a loco- motive. No, it 's not: that 's a steamboat engine, said XVatt. You're nutty, said Keely, that is a Kentucky whisky still. That a vulcanizerf' said the hero. KYhere 'd you get it? I made it. Is your name Davis ? Now, do n't get personal. XYhat 's this? That 's a monkey-wrench, said XYatt. No. it ain't. That's the dyswheel of a VVaterbury watch, said Keely. And that's a Bonwell articulatorf' said the hero. Did n't you ever see one before ? Now, we used crooked sticks. XVe never saw one of them before. Are they hard to keep polished? XYho did you say invented it? Bonwe1l. Do n't you know Bonwell F Any relation to Caesar? asked Taylor. XVhat 's this stuff? asked Keely. who had found a piece of metal. That 's Molyneaux's metal. Let XVatt make a chem- ical analysis of it. Why, I should say that it was composed of sugar- of-lead, pcvtassium-chloride, and possibly a slight admixf ture of bumblebee honey. XVhy. the durn stun' 's run- ning all over my hands. That 's characteristic of Molyneaux's metal. VVe

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generally warni it up in an ice-crearn freezer. said the hero. They looked at all his sturf. and passed opinions on same. until they were at an end. Then Taylor suggested they have a dernonstration. It 's long time. he said. since I have extracted a tooth. and I reel the habit coniing over nie again. Let 's go upstairs. Now. Keely and VVatt. being old nien. had no teeth. so could not be operated upon. There being no patients at hand. it must devolve upon that idiot. the hero. to act the role of patient. He. poor fool. did not catch on. and so brought up the rear of the tile that niarched upstairs. Dr. Taylor selected a pair of forceps. Then. it dawned on the kid. he knew then. that he was it. He shrieked and niade a wild run for the hallway. He ran through the clinic. out through the laboratory. down the back stairs to the lower hall. shrieking all the way. with the three doctors in hot pursuit. He dashed up the front stairs, and down the back ones. and Hnally down those that lead to the street. The door was locked, and they caught him. They carried hi1n upstairs on their shoul- ders, singing: john Browns body lies a moldering in the grave. 'While we go marching ou. XYatt brought up the rear grinning and singing. and beating the bass drum. which belongs to the band. They placed hirn in the chair, and just as Taylor was getting a good hold, some one punched hirn in the side and said: XYhat are you yelling about? Xobody 's go- ing to hurt you. Can't you let a fellow sleep? Lay on your side. then rnaybe you wou't have bad dreams. He just rolled over. and said. Gee whiz. while he wiped the cold sweat frotn his forehead. The next morning, he took a good look at the tablets in the hall. but no amount of magic words that he could use. would make them fall. E. H. K.