Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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through: adopting as a cry, that, VVhere there is a 'Pony' there is a way, cT. I.l XVe paused on the threshold before entering the junior portals, to gaze upon those Darwinian Theories swarming in the laboratory intent upon wearing our shoes. They are Freshmen, and by their looks we prophesy that many are the farms that will remain uncultivated. Our Junior year has now opened with a spasm of operators, whose history is replete with the stories of great aclaievements brought to fruitage in the prosthetic field. Any one who is at all a student of Physiognomy would by reading our faces come to the conclusion that we had just been born a Junior class, the Faculty per- mitting us to omit the Freshman step. For who could possibly discover any similarity between our polished arinors, and the verdant Freshmen who follow, they who have a history for which proud distinction they boast. for we will remember that it was from their ranks that the German scientist discovered the Missing Link. This year was signalized by unusual diligence to our text-books from which we learned how to properly care for gold lswipedj. it being the chief attraction. For this we deserve special mention on account ol our clear visual perceptions and ability to avoid notice. I will here confide las secrecy was not requested ,f that several of our boys are very deep in society, at the re- quest ofthe Dean, but this was reluctantly received by the majority of thc class, they being intensely stndions and frilly appreciating tl1e fact that the inside workings of society are very shady, and they did not desire to see their colleagues at such a juvenile age clothed in the mysterious shroud ofdisappointment which is the apparel usually worn by the indulgents. XVe devoted ourselves very sternly to learning how to dodge chemical generations in the laboratory: and to see how very attentive Dr. Stern was to us while in there, lest we should in an ungarded moment, swallow some carbolic acid, or unconsciously carry away a test tube, was very sad. Especial attention was also given to idislcussing the effects of cigarettes: the many charms of our lady stu- dents: in figuring out how to pay our tuition, how to fill the minds of the Freshmen with Flunks: and lastly how to fill teeth with nine different materials in- correctly. So well was all this accomplished that even the haughty Seniors were compelled to bow themselves to the carpet and do obeisance. But do not imagine that these are all the attending instances that have marked our progress through this important period of our lives. We would gladly linger over those pleasant memories, but no sooner would the task of detailing our many achievements be commenced until we would be brought to a realization of the incom- pleteness of the English language. Have we words that can justly paint the artistic feats of Young la second Porterl for whose skill in drawing from real life, we bow in humble submission? As a proemial to our Senior pleasures was the junior examinations, marked by a lack of disorder. Not a sound could be heard in the hall except the heavy breathing of some of the students in a vain attempt at reading the minds of their neighbors. One of the num- ber being an amateur phrenologist, could not at his distance with his dim optics discover the bumps o11 the head of a prize student. He instinctively arose and advanced to his side, in an endeavor to get the wanted information. but he was by surprise taken, being the recipient of some unmeasured Anglo-Saxon words from the Professor who chanced to see him. The class was deeply offended, but decided that the best way to get even with tl1e Faculty was to return and complete their Senior year, and through semblance of individual opin- ion you nnd us X-Juniors, one round higher on the ladder that ascends to the plucking of Parchrnents. A proud station it is, and no class ever yielded to those claims with an air more regal than did we.

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Freshman who said that he had experienced some of the sweets of the world gi' that he l1ad lived and loved. He was instantly surrounded by his classmates, whose endeavor was to diagnose the abnormality of such a statement and for a time his condition seemed grave in- deed. All through the night we walked the lioor with him endeavoring to prolong his life with Kentucky Bourbon and Hot Cat Sandwiches. Finding this treat- ment of 110 avail we stimulated his heart with liberal doses of strychnine. At the dawn of day it was noticed by his attendants that it was yet abnormally performing its functions, for so deeply in love was he, that his heart had shifted from its regular position to a point not far distant from the oral cavity. Every Sabbath evening- he can be found in the drawing-room of his lovcflyl Venus exhorting her to let it fall at her feet. He never was known to return from these visits until the early dawn, when he has often been seen on Madison Avenue en route from Covington, affectionately embrac- ing telegraph poles and fences. This precocious youth is dissatisfied with his Cincy abode, and according to his teachings, this new heaven, which at present he has in state of construction, will discount the present para- dise two to one. It Was also in this year that one of our number performed without pain the greatest surgical operation in the annals of history. Placing his patient upon the operating table, an attempt was made to remove a zzrwosmi tissue: as a result of the attend- ing nervousness always noticeable in the great sur- geons, the knife slipped, severing the large intestine, Here it was that his consummate dexterity was dis- played, for without the twitching of a muscle, he suc- cessfully united the parts, the patient being as peaceful as a tomb, no painful complications were ever inani- fested so far as we were able to learn. Thus he carved with a knife a reputation that associates him in the same bright galaxy with Knight and other illustrious butchers of mankind, and by the humorous speech that he deliv- ered to his assistants will send his name down to poster- ity as the greatest humorist of his class- If he never says another word' Now strictly on the dead, this all occurred in the dissecting-room. Any one desirous of obtaining this name, can do so by rewarding the his- torian. The amount of instruction that we receive the first month is also worthy of mention. Beside exhorting us how to become walking delegates of parlor etiquette, we were required to take lectures on Gray, dealt out in Allopathic doses every few days by Knight. The re- mainder of the year was devoted mainly to falling in and out of love 3 learning the shortest way to the Secretary's oliiceg side-stepping the hot shots from the Seniors, for fear a bump of egotism would be developed fand we did not desire to be deformedi, and in laying awake at nights, trying to conceive some way to reform, and get under control some few of our inexperienced members. Their nerve is something terrific. After Church they even approached innocent young girls and rudely asked to accompany them home. A fitting close to this year was furnished by the ex- aminations. But these we did not dread, our anticipation of pleasure for them was so great that we sat up all through the nights eagerly awaiting the hour to distin- guish ourselves. However, our hopes were realized, but we were deeply indebted to the pocket edition of the animal commonly known as Pony, for pulling us

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Amongst our many charitable donations there never was one more Worthy of panegyric than our liberal offer extended to the Juniors. As they had always shown re- spect to us their elder brothers as the head of the house, and we realizing that as they were to be our namesakes it would be unkind to disinherit them, and as they had not up to this time particularily displeased us, we made the parental provision of bequeathing to them our Ponies, charging that they ever be kept from the winter blasts. Here it was that an idea was conceived under Apfel- baum's stylish hat of shaving off his mustache and donating it to be used in mixing tl1e mortar for the new Avondale Flats, realizing that he was alone in such an offer, as very fine hair was only to be used. Ol you students with empty nuts, thankful you should be, to be counted a contemporary, that God has permitted you to breathe in our time. As a benefit for our Demonstrators, before taking our leave for the Christmas holidays and knowing that few matinee performances were witnessed by them, as their time was consumed at the College, we conceived and draniatized a one act play purposing to give a rendition in Taylor Hall using the juniors as subs. But they never witnessing a high-act tragedy refused to enter the hall and madly pushed the Seniors as they entered upon their theater of entertainment. Here our pugilistic qualities were once more displayed, for we furnished a novelty to them profusely illustrated by a mad rush headed by two of our Kentucky Braves with blood in their eyes intent upon challenging the insult: but at this moment it was again proven that our Hon. Dean has a XVay CT. I.j for his every trouble. He appeared in the door seemingly so touched by the pleading of the juniors that their lives might be spared, and we realizing that the walls would loom up splashed with gore, and that the College was short on soap, the class-rush was averted, and peace reigned among the agitated. XVe have never as yet been able to discover just how many were victims of the fright, for they took refuge in the cellar where their remains will be used either for disecting or fertilizer. That we have many attributes which distinguish us from any preceding class no one can deny. The many deeds that adorn our College days are simply intangible to delineation, no description could embrace them. It was upon one occasion remarked by a Faculty member that an exceedingly difficult task it was to refer to our attainments without sliding imperceptibly into the path of eulogy. VVe are happy to relate that through our eiibrts more has been done for the College than fro111 the work of any other class. XVe were responsible for the handsome lockers that furnish such a beautiful effect to the Clinical Apartment. Gur brains simply dazzle the minds of the Faculty, and they not infrequently point to us exhorting the Juniors to Go Thou and Be Thuslyf' VVe really be- lieve that the world will never behold our equal. XVe will be well qualified to discharge our duties when we launch out into this old world which has so long been weeping tor our society. XVe have all the varieties-men who are wise and otherwise 5 men who are all latitude and longitude: saints and sinnersg men who stand in with the girls, and those whose face would turn scarlet at their sight. Although not many ofour numbers have entered the matrimonial state, yet I might allude to a few who make suspicious visits to l'orktown's opposite, Covington. Hut even in this I predict a successlul end- ing, for in our catalogue there is no such word as fail, How can we? If the winters are severe we have the Coal: if the summers are hot we have the Poole: if we hunger we have an Appelnbaumlg should we tire we have a Rigtdonbg should we desire exercise we have a Ball: an hour of entertainment can be had from our trained Parrotg the vegetarians can obtain their dietary from the tBaumlgardner: for the shooting stars from Kentucky we have the Marklell g and for the unsuccess- ful germ dodgers we have the XYard.