Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

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The slab fell off immediately. Ilr. Keely was seen within. He was amusing himself with a song: Hi ho, and a bottle of rum-Good morning, gentlemen. XVell Taylor, lend me your hand. Help me out of here, won't you? XVith dilliculty he reached the floor. IVith a very sober mien, he brought forth a bottle. Ladies and gentlemen, he said, I have here, some- thing that I wish to call your attention to. It is a med- icine. XVhile, I do not claim it to be a cure for all ail- ments, it is certainly worthy a trial, for the following atliictions: Chapped hands, chapped lips, teeth, ears- eyes, small chaps, large chaps, pork chaps, mutton chaps, burns, scalds, wounds, falling hair, hair already dropped, corns, bunions, worms, spiders in haymows, consump- tion. bronchitis, stomach troubles, that is, when the sal- vation glands do lllllf insist the indigestion, which makes a torpedo liver, or for any other thing you can name, and is especially and heartily recommended for the cure of tl1e alcohol habit. Gentlemen, this preparation is known as the celebrated Keely cure, called the gold cure on ac' count of the money it has brought me. Thanking you for your kind attention, I will now pass among you. fLoud applause from gallery! Peanuts, popcorn, chewing gum, and candy. Five a pack, drawled the hero. But Keely had minted, Taylor and the hero had to Rin his temples. Presently. he came to. XVho 's that fellow? he asked frantically. Look at that blue coat. ille 's a demonstrator, let me to him. Hair raising act by hero. I-I'I 'ni not a denxonstratorf' XVell that 's all right, then. I was going to kill you on the spot. One dose of Keely cure would cure you all right. O. you 'd never breathe again. just about this time, there was an almighty clamor upstairs, and was followed by a boyish looking old man sliding down the banister. Taylor and Keely cried out in unison: XVhy, here comes Watt 2 XVhy, there 's XYatt ! exclaimed the hero. Then they all started in on, Hail! Hail! the gang 's all here. Vl'att sang a magnificent tenor, Keely took second voice, Taylor had a most beautiful baritone, while the hero sang hasso-profundo. Then they all sang, Good-bye, my lover, good-bye. Then they had a fuss, because VVatt wanted to sing basso, when he could n't reach the low notes at all. VVhy, VVatt, you have n't met my friend yet, have you? Son-of-a-gun, this is lJr, XVatt. VVhat 's the name? asked the hero. That 's it. answered Dr. XYatt. That 's it ? No, XVatt. XV-ell, that 's what I want to know. O you silly! His name 's Watt, XV-o-n-gfh-t, VVatt, explained Taylor. O, now I understand. Now, what 'll we do? asked Taylor. Let 's play horse, said XVatt. Let's see who can sell the most cure, said Keely. I can beat any of you a game of pool, said the hero. Let 's take a vote on it, said Taylor. They voted. Every one voted for himself. No one won. Taylor did n't vote.

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'A Do the 'pasa ma la,' shake yo' feet, have a good. O my, O rue, he shouted, dancing as hard as he could, while the hero clapped his hands and stamped his foot. A'AHail! Hail! the gang 's all here,' he sang. XVhy, where did you learn that? asked our hero, who had now regained his former cornposure. 'A Do you know that song? asked the old man. VVe sing it every morning at lecture. Where did you hear it? 'Why the boys used to sing it. when I first began to teach here. Do they still sing it? Do tell! Things do n't change in this world. Did you ever teach here? 'A Sure, Mike. I am the best teacher this college ever had. I do n't remember ever seeing you before. Let me see, there 's Mehaffey, McLaughlin, Porter, Taylor, Cooper, Higby, and- A' Well, they 're demonstrators, they do n't count, in- terrupted the old man. VVho are you? XVhy, gee whiz, man! Do n't you know me? I'm James Taylor, the founder of this school. At your serve ice, Sir. And with a bow and scrape, he introduced him self. Then he resumed: Seen anything of Dr. XYatt? Dr. XYatt I exclaimed the hero, his hair again stand- ing up. Have n't seen Dr. Keely, have you? Dr. Keely E That 's who I said. Drs. XYatt and Keely. N-n-no. sir! 'A Well, let 's look them up. IOS They walked along the lower hall until they came to the tablets erected to mark the memory of those de- ceased. Dr. Taylor's tablet, had been removed. and stuud against the wall, and VVatt's likewise. Keely! was still in its correct position Now, I wonder where Dr. XYatt is. See here. kid, he 's gone. A' Maybe, he 's down at Cliris'. XVhere? ' In the cafe, below. Is that place still there? Come on kid, have one on me. 'A No thanks. I can 't drink champagne. XVell, I do 'n't think he 's down there anyhow. He 's somewhere around the building, said Taylor. Then, where 's Keely? A' Keely has n't come out yet. A' Are they behind those things? A' Sure, Mike. Garfields in his monument, Napof leon's in his, Czesar's in his: why should n't we be in ours? 'A XVho 's Caesar? He was a dentist. Did he teach here ? 'AThat dub! XVhy, he did n't have sense enough to pony O11 examinations. He flunked. I should say he did n't teach here. Let 's help Keely out. He never can get out alone. Then he stood squarely in front of Keely's slab. and uttered these magic words: Apical foramen, gingivitus. mesiodistal-occlusal, nervolymphobillosauguineous, spu- tum. spit, expectoratef'

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Taylor said: Let 's have a lecture. And I do n't know nothing, said the hero. XVell that's all right fin a whisperj, neither does W'att. You rnight as well keep up appearances, said Dr. Keely, cautiously. XVell, gentlemen, being as I am founder of this school, I guess I'l1 lecture first. My subject is, 'The evil caused by rag-time n1usic.' He was very brilliant in his discourse. Next came Keely. Subject: NVhat my cure is worth per bottle, and how much good it has done for me. The way he handled the matter showed that he was thoroughly at home with the subject. XVatt, ot' course, took chemistry. VVhat sediment would you have, if you spread guufcotton on an anvil, and struck it with a hammer? I'll ask Dr. Keely. A quantity of hair, three finger nails, one bicuspid, and a big hole in the ground, Give the chemical formula? Gone, but not forgotten. Correct, Sir: correct. Then they wanted an anatomy quiz, but had no one to take that chair. Finally, they asked the hero, who, after much persuasion, consented. Dr. Taylor, where is the superior costoatransverse ligament situated ? Hypersensitive dentinef' That 's right. Give me the treatment for it.'l Treat it with Keely cure. Use whisky as an anti' dote to the cure. Have patient return ten times, and charge Hfteeu dollars per visit. Charge extra for the Keely cure. VVell, that concluded the lectures. They were going IOS to have a class-meeting, but all at once someone discov- ered the vulcanizer in the hero's pocket. XVhy, what 's that? they asked, in chorus. I know what that is, said Taylor: that 's a loco- motive. No, it 's not: that 's a steamboat engine, said XVatt. You're nutty, said Keely, that is a Kentucky whisky still. That a vulcanizerf' said the hero. KYhere 'd you get it? I made it. Is your name Davis ? Now, do n't get personal. XYhat 's this? That 's a monkey-wrench, said XYatt. No. it ain't. That's the dyswheel of a VVaterbury watch, said Keely. And that's a Bonwell articulatorf' said the hero. Did n't you ever see one before ? Now, we used crooked sticks. XVe never saw one of them before. Are they hard to keep polished? XYho did you say invented it? Bonwe1l. Do n't you know Bonwell F Any relation to Caesar? asked Taylor. XVhat 's this stuff? asked Keely. who had found a piece of metal. That 's Molyneaux's metal. Let XVatt make a chem- ical analysis of it. Why, I should say that it was composed of sugar- of-lead, pcvtassium-chloride, and possibly a slight admixf ture of bumblebee honey. XVhy. the durn stun' 's run- ning all over my hands. That 's characteristic of Molyneaux's metal. VVe