Ohio College of Dental Surgery - Alethian Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

Page 109 text:

Freshman who said that he had experienced some of the sweets of the world gi' that he l1ad lived and loved. He was instantly surrounded by his classmates, whose endeavor was to diagnose the abnormality of such a statement and for a time his condition seemed grave in- deed. All through the night we walked the lioor with him endeavoring to prolong his life with Kentucky Bourbon and Hot Cat Sandwiches. Finding this treat- ment of 110 avail we stimulated his heart with liberal doses of strychnine. At the dawn of day it was noticed by his attendants that it was yet abnormally performing its functions, for so deeply in love was he, that his heart had shifted from its regular position to a point not far distant from the oral cavity. Every Sabbath evening- he can be found in the drawing-room of his lovcflyl Venus exhorting her to let it fall at her feet. He never was known to return from these visits until the early dawn, when he has often been seen on Madison Avenue en route from Covington, affectionately embrac- ing telegraph poles and fences. This precocious youth is dissatisfied with his Cincy abode, and according to his teachings, this new heaven, which at present he has in state of construction, will discount the present para- dise two to one. It Was also in this year that one of our number performed without pain the greatest surgical operation in the annals of history. Placing his patient upon the operating table, an attempt was made to remove a zzrwosmi tissue: as a result of the attend- ing nervousness always noticeable in the great sur- geons, the knife slipped, severing the large intestine, Here it was that his consummate dexterity was dis- played, for without the twitching of a muscle, he suc- cessfully united the parts, the patient being as peaceful as a tomb, no painful complications were ever inani- fested so far as we were able to learn. Thus he carved with a knife a reputation that associates him in the same bright galaxy with Knight and other illustrious butchers of mankind, and by the humorous speech that he deliv- ered to his assistants will send his name down to poster- ity as the greatest humorist of his class- If he never says another word' Now strictly on the dead, this all occurred in the dissecting-room. Any one desirous of obtaining this name, can do so by rewarding the his- torian. The amount of instruction that we receive the first month is also worthy of mention. Beside exhorting us how to become walking delegates of parlor etiquette, we were required to take lectures on Gray, dealt out in Allopathic doses every few days by Knight. The re- mainder of the year was devoted mainly to falling in and out of love 3 learning the shortest way to the Secretary's oliiceg side-stepping the hot shots from the Seniors, for fear a bump of egotism would be developed fand we did not desire to be deformedi, and in laying awake at nights, trying to conceive some way to reform, and get under control some few of our inexperienced members. Their nerve is something terrific. After Church they even approached innocent young girls and rudely asked to accompany them home. A fitting close to this year was furnished by the ex- aminations. But these we did not dread, our anticipation of pleasure for them was so great that we sat up all through the nights eagerly awaiting the hour to distin- guish ourselves. However, our hopes were realized, but we were deeply indebted to the pocket edition of the animal commonly known as Pony, for pulling us

Page 108 text:

to the best of my ability carry into execution this plan, at the instigation of our noble Editorsin-Chief. So ac- cording to custom, and I do not wish to change it ifor which an excuse must be furnished by my iucompetencyj, the historian must deal strictly with facts relative to past events, leaving the future in care of the prophet. Still, my dear friends, we were not always Seniors. but find if we go back by the traces of recollection that we were changed by a peculiar college metamorphosis from that dictatorial twosyear-old stage commonly known as juniors. Gazing still farther we observe the next lower order of animal existence. which some one in a fit of passion and musing under the influence of a brain- depressing drug, called a Freshman. It is becoming that the Annual of so worthy a class should contain its history from the beginning, so I invite you to notice the process of evolution by which Fresh- men chaos was transformed into Senior cosmos. Moving along our low intellectual plane, it could be easily ob- served that we were not in harmony with our surround- ings, enjoying the proud distinction of being the only class who could ever be detected from their background -for it was green. It was once remarked by one of the professors that any one of the preceding class who chanced to recline upon a bench during a lecture would immediately lose his identity. lThe class often appeared small during a quill As a class realizing that in our junior and Senior years more dignity must be assumed, we decided to get all the fun we could out of this year. Scarcely had we become deep-rooted in this Fresh. soil, when we observed two Faculty-abiding students, who seemed to agree with the Faculty ill their lectures on the necessity of exercise. Being very enthusiastic advocates of the teaching, they went into it with sleeves rolled up and spared neither ladles 11or features to make it an attractive event. Pu- gilistic aspirants need not imitate the examples of the past- masters: they need not refer to the palmy days of Sullivan: they need not call our attention to the brilliant feats of Corbett, when we have such noble exemplars of the manly art of self-defense as Noble and Smith QR. DJ, whose dormant powers are inexhaustible, and who, by their set-to, shine forth with a radiant brilliancy that even eclipses the great work of our present invincible Jeffries. Dempseys and Jacksons would be reduced to pigmies when arrayed against our mighty representatives. Even Terry McGovern would seek a back seat and blush with envy to witness their science. When this is sounded even McCoy's record will be dropped from the pugilistic curriculum. I fear our own VVard's accomplishments will be overlooked. Should they decide to ornament the roped arena, we will weep for the sporting editors, be- cause of their inability to do justice to these stars of Pugdom. Here it was that the class first appeared in their striking garb of peace, and through their efforts both were saved from an untimely grave, at least a few frag- ments were preserved for the examination of a curious posterity. However, a very agreeable arrangement was furnished, they receiving an invitation to the Faculty meeting, where, after signing a truce, they enjoyed each other's strong embrace. But do not imagine that these were the only fiaming lights that illuminated our progress during that year. Many brilliant thoughts were conceiVed.C?l It was a

Page 110 text:

through: adopting as a cry, that, VVhere there is a 'Pony' there is a way, cT. I.l XVe paused on the threshold before entering the junior portals, to gaze upon those Darwinian Theories swarming in the laboratory intent upon wearing our shoes. They are Freshmen, and by their looks we prophesy that many are the farms that will remain uncultivated. Our Junior year has now opened with a spasm of operators, whose history is replete with the stories of great aclaievements brought to fruitage in the prosthetic field. Any one who is at all a student of Physiognomy would by reading our faces come to the conclusion that we had just been born a Junior class, the Faculty per- mitting us to omit the Freshman step. For who could possibly discover any similarity between our polished arinors, and the verdant Freshmen who follow, they who have a history for which proud distinction they boast. for we will remember that it was from their ranks that the German scientist discovered the Missing Link. This year was signalized by unusual diligence to our text-books from which we learned how to properly care for gold lswipedj. it being the chief attraction. For this we deserve special mention on account ol our clear visual perceptions and ability to avoid notice. I will here confide las secrecy was not requested ,f that several of our boys are very deep in society, at the re- quest ofthe Dean, but this was reluctantly received by the majority of thc class, they being intensely stndions and frilly appreciating tl1e fact that the inside workings of society are very shady, and they did not desire to see their colleagues at such a juvenile age clothed in the mysterious shroud ofdisappointment which is the apparel usually worn by the indulgents. XVe devoted ourselves very sternly to learning how to dodge chemical generations in the laboratory: and to see how very attentive Dr. Stern was to us while in there, lest we should in an ungarded moment, swallow some carbolic acid, or unconsciously carry away a test tube, was very sad. Especial attention was also given to idislcussing the effects of cigarettes: the many charms of our lady stu- dents: in figuring out how to pay our tuition, how to fill the minds of the Freshmen with Flunks: and lastly how to fill teeth with nine different materials in- correctly. So well was all this accomplished that even the haughty Seniors were compelled to bow themselves to the carpet and do obeisance. But do not imagine that these are all the attending instances that have marked our progress through this important period of our lives. We would gladly linger over those pleasant memories, but no sooner would the task of detailing our many achievements be commenced until we would be brought to a realization of the incom- pleteness of the English language. Have we words that can justly paint the artistic feats of Young la second Porterl for whose skill in drawing from real life, we bow in humble submission? As a proemial to our Senior pleasures was the junior examinations, marked by a lack of disorder. Not a sound could be heard in the hall except the heavy breathing of some of the students in a vain attempt at reading the minds of their neighbors. One of the num- ber being an amateur phrenologist, could not at his distance with his dim optics discover the bumps o11 the head of a prize student. He instinctively arose and advanced to his side, in an endeavor to get the wanted information. but he was by surprise taken, being the recipient of some unmeasured Anglo-Saxon words from the Professor who chanced to see him. The class was deeply offended, but decided that the best way to get even with tl1e Faculty was to return and complete their Senior year, and through semblance of individual opin- ion you nnd us X-Juniors, one round higher on the ladder that ascends to the plucking of Parchrnents. A proud station it is, and no class ever yielded to those claims with an air more regal than did we.