Northwestern University Dental School - Purple and Gold Yearbook (Evanston, IL)

Page 181 text:

U Encouraged thus the candidate Began his story to relate. ' He told a plain, unvarnished tale Of lifels ro-ugh seas he had to sailg Of trials with which he had to copeg Qf cares and disap-pointed h-opeg Cf how before his time he died- To him sweet calm of age denied, His life no blameless course had beeng Though full of good-not free from sin. No good he left unsaid, no-r tried A By subterfuge the bad to hide. The great sins he had well withstoodg Wfith small-had done the best he could. lmpressed the Guardian seemed to be By story fro-in pretence so freeg It had a clear and honest ring- Not hereabout therusual thing. Wfith 11od and mien celestial, grand! He took the dentist by the handg And was about to pass him in- XV hen here broke out .an awful din! Un lo-oking round they heard a throng Qf ghosts exclaimingz hlhfrongl it's wrong!! Surprised and wroth St. Peter cried: Such clamor I will not abide! This is no place for whoop and yellg So-quietly your business tellg Does it concern this weary Soul Wfho seeks the restful, Heavenly Goal? Indeed it doesfl the spirits shout, From Heaven we want that wretch kept out l There now stepped forth an oily ghost W'ho best address and-lungs could boast : Pm sure fair hearing to obtain lt's only needful to explain That we in gross, or earthly state. Wfere patients of this candidate: That we're from earth projected here And in our astra.l forin appear To render cogent reasons why In our opinion, much too high For after-life, this dentist aiins. NYhen restful Heaven as due him claims. 177

Page 180 text:

Ai DENTIST 'AT ST. PETEFJS GATE. fBy L. c. F. HUGO, D. D. s. WASHINGTON, D. C. St. Peter all day lon-g had had Before him earthlings, good and bad, Admitting here, rejecting there- In everything impartial care, Such wearing strain this Work imposed That tired, he now the portal closedg And as he laid. him down to rest A sigh his troubled heart confessed: Cf late admissio-ns were so few- To what on earth could that be due! ' Uneasy dozed he on his cot- He scarcely f'forty vvinksl' had got- Wheii, harkl there was a timid kno-ck, A gentle trying of the lock. T WhoA's there? Wlio- co-mes at hour so late To--morrow call-I've shut the Gate ! A dentist, Wa.iled a lo-Wly voiceg Believe me, I'm not here from choice. Such tones proclaimed an urgent case, 4 The worried lo-ok left Pe-ter's face, And moved by merciful intent He rose-and to the Gate he Went. r'4Well, sir, what may you have to say? The strict demands of tru-th-obey! Not oft admittance gain your sortg But state your case, and-cut it shortf' M Published in Facts, Fads and Fancies About Teeth. 1 176

Page 182 text:

Vlfith your permission we will show That he deserves a place below!- As there he stands, who would believe That Innocence could so deceive! Observe that sad and injured air- No sainta meeker face could wear! And yet, if we but contemplate His devilish tortures' aggregate-H I beg your pardon-not so swift, St. Peter warned, I ,see your drift. Before proceeding, let me says, Cut pleader's arts and- gallery play- or arguments ad hominem- I've never taken stock in them. This much made p-lain, we'll now go on To hear your protests pro and con. Speak out in turn each 'astral' sprite, You may yourgrievances recite. A wo-man's touching note was heard: May I be granted just a word? This man once did some work for me- And was as rude as rude could be. No one can say-I talk too much! an Before that man the work would touch- But hfteen minutes had I ta.lked- With rubber-sheet my mo-uth he caulked! Then soon, I seemed to need a boat, As near my mouth, all was afloat. And while I sat there drowning, dumb- My husband's mother had to co-me. 'How are you getting o-n?' called she. 'Oh! thank you! swimmingly !' bawled he. Can ,I fo-rget that wisdom-tooth!,' Piped up a goody-goody y-outhg 'The promises of Obtundine! ' The buzzing, torturing machine! The nasty, horrid rubber thing I-Ield tightly with that pinching spring! I wriggled, I struggled, I fought This dentist !- no relief it brought: 178