Northeast High School - Record Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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is always ready to fix you up with a wire nail in place of the missing button. He is indeed a bachelor's friend. Then came Mr. Ascough. He it is whom the city pays to instruct its youth in the fine art of moulding, ti11 smithing and chipping and filing. llfloulding wasn't much fun. All a fellow could do by way of diversion was to pour sand down some one's neck, or fill his coat with the same useful substance. Tin-smithing wasn't much better. Wfe were supposed to manufacture funnels, quart cups and other articles of Billy Goat diet. But it was far more interesting to make putty blowers. Anyway, if we did not succeed in making very many of the pre- scribed exercises, there was one thing that we could do to perfection, and that was, make a racket. By laying a piece of tin on a Hat block of iron and pounding it with a mallet, we could generally manage to propagate a few sound waves which, in the course of their travels, penetrated to the furthermost corners of the building, and the nicest part of it was, that all the time we could appear to be industriously at work. Later Thomas undertook to teach us chipping and filing. For the benefit of the uninitiated l will state that the branch of science technically known as chipping and tiling consists of knocking off the top layer of a block of iron and then ploughing out the hills and hummocks with a tile. That is what it is supposed to be. But in reality we seldom got further than knocking the skin off our thumbs and l:1llgC1'S and saying naughty words. One of the truly interesting sights of the school is the Hgrtfb shop, conducted by Mrs. Van Horn. Here in a low ceilinged apartment, closely resembling the Black Hole of Calcutta, we assimilated nourishment in the form of peanut bars with mustard and frozen skimmed milk. Across one end of the cell stretched a counter over which 'fjoefl assisted by several comely, blushing maidens, dispensed chalk and water, Schuylkill mud as well as solid indigestibles. Lest there be any lingering shadows of doubt in your minds as to the identity of the first two mentioned articles, I will state that they masqueraded under the disguises of milk and coHee respectively. XVhen the whole school was assembled here at noon, one might well have been pardoned for supposing that he had stum- bled upon a skirmish between the laps and Russians. The only difference was that our weapons were breadcrusts. cinnamon buns, and other staple food products. In the academic departments maybe we didn't run up against a snag of old sticklers. First, taking them in the order of their importance came Mr. Moore, that is, in his own estimation I and his judgment is considered excellent. Our rosters stated that Mr. Moore taught Algebra, but after we had survived one period under his tender care we all came to the conclusion that the roster had made a gigantic mistake. In personal appearance, actions, and ability to breathe blood-curdling threats, Tommy closely resembles an old linc- caneer of the Spanish Main. Wlith his red hair, long flowing moustache of the same color, and a general air ol' Fierceness, he looks as though he had just stepped out of one of Robert Louis Stevensoirs novels. And he is so 13

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avenue to wear Red and Black ribbon, causes the University to accept our diploma and compels every one to re- spect our boys and hold them in high esteem. After Dr. Morrison had finished telling us how much he loved us, the rest of the faculty were presented. And weren't they a set of beauties, though. Cine by one they came up, bowed and spoke their little pieces. Each told us how highly honored he felt at being permitted to have the privilege of gazing upon such a body of hand- some, intelligent young men. After we had received a knockdown to every one, we were' turned loose for the day, with the understanding that we were to report for active duty on the following Monday. Ah! Little did they dream that they were up against ity, for fair when they tackled the Class of IQO4. A To tell all that happened in the weeks and months following would consume too much valuable time. Suf- fice it to say that the days liew by on golden wings, each following so closely upon its predecessor that they seemed to slip over each other's backs. They were busy days, for, being green, of course we had to get the hang of things. The upper class men assisted us materially in this process of being broken in. They did their 'work so well, in fact, that before long we knew to a nicety just what Prophs. we could 'Kcut with impunity, where to buy the most reliable ponies and, in short, had a pretty fair working knowledge of the shack. Of all the departments of the school to whose mysteries we were initiated none appealed to our minds as strongly as the Manual Departments. Now, we had heard much about this branch of the school work, and we expected to do anything from build- ing a three-story brick house or shoeing a horse to whittling wood for match sticks. As a matter of fact, all we seemed to be able to make was dirt and noise. First came the wood working department under the personal supervision of Mr. jacob Wfildemore, jakey, a short funny little chap, with a huge diamond stud, probably bought from Wfextar, and a tongue like a nutmeg grater. It is an acknowledged fact that the smallest dog always barks the loudest, and threatens to do the most. Jacob was no exception to the rule. lf such a giant as even Nelson Herst got too sassy, the little Dutchman would wax great in his wrath and threaten to put a head upon the offender, throw him over the roof or do some- thing else equally desperate. ln this department we were supposed to learn joinery, but our principal occupation consisted of making shavings and seeing how many coats of molasses Cshellacj we could smear over an exercise without being caught. ,lakey is, however, a very pleasant help in time of trouble. Many and many a boy who having lost trouser but- tons in the scramble for lunch in the basement, has gone to him for consolation and repairs. And Mr. Wfildemore 12

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, very nice and sociable that, like the Irishman, he is always ready for a friendly fight. Like Mr. Dooley, he constantly threatens to use his influence at the V' frontu against anyone who may have incurred his displeasure. And like Mr. Aft .fp - I 1 ,mg Dooley, his threats die away even as they are uttered, and are no more. Qnce f . during an Algebra spasm this old relic of the Spanish Main said to a certain guileless freshie, ln this equation we have four unknown quantities, X, y, Z and u. Now which one do we wantto get rid of l:11'SlQ?', And moved by a common impulse the entire class shouted with earnest and heartfelt fervor 'fY0zL.',. ,. ' 'fgkfv rl l Q if ,Fl 1 ,.fflivi.1v:,:.fs .- I l 1 'He M I i , f . l ,ft mfs, , 4,31 11,15 ' I ,. E V. f '5 1 ' ' 1 A ,,,f f-, ,, ,.-A-5,1 .ffl ...i 'ii fff jifi , 'IM Wifi 1' Y' fl- ' ', '3'fQ'Z?'Qi?'t:2'1, ,Qfiif ,,', llllii 'i will 1 l'lttti' it H ' tl'AQl, n ,lf ' Wx ill. it 'NW WE f'!f ARK.: '. V. his ,,., ..,V if ' ' Another mathematical man is Professor Lycurgus Leonidas Ford. Tradi- ff M it ',t' tion states that, as he was christened with the name of the famous Greek mathe- , p , H , ,lx i matician, he therefore took it upon himself to live up , V2 lrxn l iv tg, .A 'yV ff tyyy 7 . ,HA to his name. So now he teaches Geometry. It is gen- I, i V V' A erally conceded that this is the only excuse Mr. Ford ever had for indulging in that science. Be that as it L. L. FORD may, we were obliged to spend five hours a week in his lair, and itis a wonder we're alive to tell the tale. He made us draw diagrams that resembled a scrap basket full of lively eelsg then EA, :ik asked us to explain why straight line AB was not a curve, if it was straight, and why il ,'i,. .' I a circle was round if it was drawn with a compass. These and other kindred prob- lems did he propound much to the disturbance of our mental equilibrium. Wfe now pass from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the contemplation of tragedy to that of comedy. Wfe leave Lycurgus, and meet A. Oswald Michener, alias Dickie, Mich, Qssie', and other like terms of endearment. He was a new addition to our Faculty, having just been raised from the rank of Office Boy to that J g - of a full-tledged instructor in Elementary Science. Dickie', was to teach us Physi- cal Geography, but if he had been out hitting it up on the night before and conse- quently neglected to study the lesson we were to recite on the following day, he would read us some of Kipling's short stories, plentifully adorned with a good, rich, 7 '-l'j Qt 'tilt - iii genuine brogue. This was very nice and sociable, but at the next recitation period he invariably gave us a test upon what he was supposed to have drummecl into our 14 DICKY H MICHENER