North Toronto Collegiate Institute - Howler Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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Page Eighty-Eight Briefs of N.T.C.1.-1950 5F Pat Coyel, attending N.T.C.I., failed in only five subjects. Among the new teachers to be received at this school was one Jack Hodgins, renowned Geometry professor. Audrey Lindbergh, the ever present, lec- tured this afternoon on Helpful Hints to Hedication I-Iopefulsf' The minute that seems a year-waiting for that bell to go. wr af at wk 5G Scene-Room 34. Time-9 a.n1. any morning. Characters-Pupils of SG, who may be viewed any time between 9.10 and 9.50 Qoh yes! + Mr. Murdoch.l As the curtain rises we see Mr. Murdoch seated at his desk, glaring at a piece of paper. There are a few Qvery fewj other occupants of the room. Mr. Murdoch flooking upj : Miss lacklin, did you bring me your excuse for Vtfednesday morning? No answer. H Mr. M.: I said, Enid! Did you . . . Enid Cwalzing up with a start at hearing her name, grabs her Caesar and begins to trans- latej: And Cassivellaunus halted his troops and encamped in this place far into the night. Mr. M. Qabsent-mindedlyl : XVell, why not tell Cassie and his friends to leave earlier the night before, so you can get to school in time after this? He continues to contemplate the paper. Time passes and suddenly there is a sound of sliding in the hall. Catching the door for support, Jean Carr hurls herself into the room, trying to look very dignified. Mr. M.: Now let's see, there are a lot of absentees here this momingf' QAt this point Ruth Byres, Newbold and Pollard exit.D The door opens, and Frances Cuthbertson tlounces in, picks up her books and proceeds toward exit. Mr. M.: My petite demoiselle, are you leaving us F Frances Qwith disgustj : Oh, I'm changing my time-table. Ta-ta. THE HOIVLER1934 XVork finally begins and after a great struggle ten girls are persuaded to put as many sentences on the board Qsounds of a skirmish followl. Mr. M.: Ladies and others: I heard you the first time. Oh, take your seats, I'd rather do them myself. fHC,COH1111CHCCS to tear his hair at the second sentence: by the last he is foaming at the mouth.j Mr. M. Cputting away his comp. bookj: Take your Caesars. Protesting Voices: l'But sir, you said to bring the poetry book. CWith a sigh takes up book-telephone rings.j Gord Sutherland fansweringl : Ingram? And what is the second name? Qweaklyj Uh! lSutherland walks out.j Mr. M. fspying Ingramlz VVhy, I marked you absent. You weren't here when the bell went. Ingram tdisgustedlyl: I know, sir. I've told you one hundred times, I'm not registered in 5G. Mr. M.: Ah yes, 5E isn't it F Ingram: No sir, changed again: 5F now the goes outj. Mr. M.: Muriel, translate. Muriel: I don't think I- Mr. M.: Norah, go ahead. QOur three Norahsj chorus: I can't sir. Mr. M.: VVell, proceed Frances. The remainder of the period is spent by Mr. M. listening to Frances L., while we catch up on some badly needed sleep. As the bell goes to end the first period fwith all due apol- ogies to Foster Hewittj we amble on, to con- tinue our rest elsewhere, while Mr. M. mourns our fate and then forgets about us. if Ik if lk Mr. Keeling: In the government, the radi- cals are on the right wing, the conservatives on the left-you can have your choice of wmgsf, Dunbar: I'll take a drumstick! if :lc wk 4: 0 why do you wear your clothes so tight, lfVith the weather so sticky and warm? Fran. looked in the mirror and then replied: Ch, simply a matter of form!

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THE HOWLER, 1934 5C Dranzatis Personae Our teacher is named Mr. Bale, Who is, as we see, very hale. Although not so young, His comments have stung 'Till we have become very pale. XVe have a young student Bill Ball, XVhose virtues will you enthrall, So stop, look, and listen Before you start hissin' This wonderful man, oh so tall! Ik lk It if Colzwrsalioiz Ovcrlzeard in 5C How arc thou? Oh,'I am radian to-day. I feel nice and cos. A myself. That's nice. You know Alphaceda Yes, u u u 14 NVell, secant be so dumb as we thought B cos. she had tan gents at her house one night but it was her birthday. Gosh, but of cosecantf' Pie R you standing there looking so sec ? Y, I don't know, I'm only standing on my own phetaf' Huh, can you beeta that P What F There's Victor giving us the high sine al- ready. Let's go. lk Ik lk lk Steve-to haughty hussy: Just because you've got a shape like a stove you don't need to think you're so hot. lk lk lk Ik 5D Aviator Cto Nicholsonj: Have you been up yet P Nicholson: No sah! I stays on terra firma, and the more firrna, the less terra. t 1: It Ik Dentist: I didn't lznow you had had this tooth filled before. I see there's some gold on my drill. McCullough: I haven't. I think you must have struck my back collar-stud. Page Eighty-Seven Mr. Baker: VVhy don't you answer me P Ashworth: I shook my head. Mr. Baker: 'lWell, do you expect me to hear it rattle away up here ? an an wk 4: Mr. Baker: What is a polygon ? Gaynor: A dead parrot. il :of :r fr I dreamt that I died And to Heaven did go. NVhere do you come from ? They wanted to know. North Toronto, I answered- My how they did stare! St. Peter said W'elco1ne, You're the first one from there! sr wr af nr Ruth: I want to see that show but I haven't the money. Adeline: That's easy. 'Iust go in backwards and pretend you're coming out. 4: ar x x Mr. Page: For goodness sake, stop talking. Marg. ftranslatingj: Keep holy silence. 4: 4: 4: -of 5E We predict that in twenty years Dave Wal- don will be a trafhc cop at the corner of King and Yonge Streetsg Ralph Hindson will finally have found a pair of pants to match his coat or vice versag we will be able to listen to Miss Massey carry on a conversation with the teach- er without grinding our teeth - niuchg Earl Russel will still be looking around for an Alge- bra problem that he cannot solve, Charlie Channel will finally be able to twirl his mis- placed eyebrowg Jim VVood will have his grand smile stretched completely around his headg jim Hazelwood will be getting up early enough so that he can eat his breakfast in at least two minutesg and Mr. Reynolds will still be the best Algebra teacher north and south of the Equator. :of wk x ik 5F Jack H. Qcriticizing Mr. Shaw's diagramj: Sir, your figure is all out of proportion. Mr. Shaw: Are you insinuating? Why the other day my doctor told me I was in perfect shape.

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THE HOIVLER, 1934 Time-Late Fall. Mr. Teeter fafter having asked a questionj : What are you doing ? Student fturning the pages of his note-book furiouslyj. Mr. Teeter: This is no time to be raking up the leaves! wr ac in 4: Mr. Page: Do you remember last year in Virgil when the goddess impaled Cyclops on a sharp crag? Student: But that's beside the point. :of :nr ix nk 4A EVENTUALLY fVVith apologies to Longfellowj A soft wind murmurs through the towering forest trees And mars the oily surface of the ebbing seas. Above the green-clad hills the morning sun holds sway, While in the vale below, sleeps the tiny village of Grand Pre, Still stands the forest primeval and the deep- voiced neighbouring ocean Whispers contentment, Many years have come and gone, The village stands in the summer sun, But the lusty crowing of the cock Is silenced by a well-aimed rock, Beside the road, a gaudy board Announces the latest type of Ford: At the historic site of the village well, Arises a strange, a pungent smell: And where stretched the olden forest bogs, There stands a sign, 5c. Hot Dogs. The shop where ancient ploughs were made, Now sells candy and lemonade. Carving letters on the moss-grown bucket, Stands a tourist from Pawtucket. Reclining on the sparkling sand Lie tourists listening to the band. Among the children round about Resounds a fierce and nasal shout: Peanuts, pop-corn, chewingsgumf' And all about the trampled grass Lies rubbish in a jumbled mass. At last we see the name Evangeline, We read 16c. the world's best gasoline. We stroll the line as lovers did of yore, Page Eighty-Nina But we are halted by a sudden shout of fore In the square where soldiers formed in ranks An orchestra supplies the tune of Thanks And in the fields the song of a bird Is drowned by shouts of Come on, steal third! And as we walk, we realize There still remains one natural prize, There still stands the forest primeval, And the deep-voiced neighbouring ocean NVhispers Baloney. if wk if fi Cooper: That suit is three sizes too large for you. XVilson: Yes, I know, I bought it in my home town-I'm a bigger man there. x 4: x vf .ai Adinirer. you get it? Husband: Uh, I bought it at I2aton's. Admirer: suits ? That's a nice suit. lVhere did n Does your wife pick out your Husband: No, she only piclcs the pockets. x x xc -r Friend: lVasn't that an amusing quarrel you had with your wife last night ? Husband: Yea! NVhen she threw the axe at me, I thought I'd split. in 4: is is Bert S.: Say, what do you do with your spare time ? Murray H.: I'1n a diamond-cutter.', Bert: A diamond-cutter? Murray: Yes, I cut the grass at the ball park. 4: ar x if Cooper: I don't know what to do for the week-end. Phil McS.: Have you ever tried using hair tonic F Pk :if af au Do you wake up with a grouch every morning ? No, I divorced her. It ar 4: af Doris C.: Did you know a new meat mar- ket has been opened by Hogg and Pigg ? Eilleen C.: My goodness! I never sausage a combination before. ai- an :if at The only difference between NVilson and Gracie Allen is that Gracie is only fooling.