North Toronto Collegiate Institute - Howler Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE HOWLER, 1934 5C Dranzatis Personae Our teacher is named Mr. Bale, Who is, as we see, very hale. Although not so young, His comments have stung 'Till we have become very pale. XVe have a young student Bill Ball, XVhose virtues will you enthrall, So stop, look, and listen Before you start hissin' This wonderful man, oh so tall! Ik lk It if Colzwrsalioiz Ovcrlzeard in 5C How arc thou? Oh,'I am radian to-day. I feel nice and cos. A myself. That's nice. You know Alphaceda Yes, u u u 14 NVell, secant be so dumb as we thought B cos. she had tan gents at her house one night but it was her birthday. Gosh, but of cosecantf' Pie R you standing there looking so sec ? Y, I don't know, I'm only standing on my own phetaf' Huh, can you beeta that P What F There's Victor giving us the high sine al- ready. Let's go. lk Ik lk lk Steve-to haughty hussy: Just because you've got a shape like a stove you don't need to think you're so hot. lk lk lk Ik 5D Aviator Cto Nicholsonj: Have you been up yet P Nicholson: No sah! I stays on terra firma, and the more firrna, the less terra. t 1: It Ik Dentist: I didn't lznow you had had this tooth filled before. I see there's some gold on my drill. McCullough: I haven't. I think you must have struck my back collar-stud. Page Eighty-Seven Mr. Baker: VVhy don't you answer me P Ashworth: I shook my head. Mr. Baker: 'lWell, do you expect me to hear it rattle away up here ? an an wk 4: Mr. Baker: What is a polygon ? Gaynor: A dead parrot. il :of :r fr I dreamt that I died And to Heaven did go. NVhere do you come from ? They wanted to know. North Toronto, I answered- My how they did stare! St. Peter said W'elco1ne, You're the first one from there! sr wr af nr Ruth: I want to see that show but I haven't the money. Adeline: That's easy. 'Iust go in backwards and pretend you're coming out. 4: ar x x Mr. Page: For goodness sake, stop talking. Marg. ftranslatingj: Keep holy silence. 4: 4: 4: -of 5E We predict that in twenty years Dave Wal- don will be a trafhc cop at the corner of King and Yonge Streetsg Ralph Hindson will finally have found a pair of pants to match his coat or vice versag we will be able to listen to Miss Massey carry on a conversation with the teach- er without grinding our teeth - niuchg Earl Russel will still be looking around for an Alge- bra problem that he cannot solve, Charlie Channel will finally be able to twirl his mis- placed eyebrowg Jim VVood will have his grand smile stretched completely around his headg jim Hazelwood will be getting up early enough so that he can eat his breakfast in at least two minutesg and Mr. Reynolds will still be the best Algebra teacher north and south of the Equator. :of wk x ik 5F Jack H. Qcriticizing Mr. Shaw's diagramj: Sir, your figure is all out of proportion. Mr. Shaw: Are you insinuating? Why the other day my doctor told me I was in perfect shape.

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Page Eig11.1'y-Six I was walking along a flower-strewn lane. A balmy breeze softly stirred the leaves of the trees. At my feet, little cherubs were playing. This must be Heaven, I sighed blissfully. Suddenly I started. Could it-no, no, impos- sible, yes it was-Kirby, one of the group of angelic cherubim, wearing a big pink sash and carrying a tiny horn. Then this can't be Heaven, I gasped, if Kirby is here! I was about to question him, when I saw approaching a seemingly familiar figure garbed in white, brow bound with roses, and carrying a harp. As the person drew closer, I saw it was-Desmond Fitzgerald. Desmond, I moaned, what are you do- ing here? I thought this was Heaven. He smiled brightly. Yes, you are quite right, this is Heaven, adding rather modestly, I am at present giving the little angels in- struction in deportmentf' But Heaven, I cried wildly, are you sure it's Heaven? Oh quite, he replied, executing at the same time a slow hop and curve, although you might not guess it from some people here. Miss Greenshields you know and-why here she is now, he added. And bless my angelic soul if she wasn't arrayed in robes as radiant as the stars, and leaning on St. Peter's arm. 'fOh, you old flirt, I heard her say affection- ately, why I heard you say the same thing to Maxine only yesterday. Maxine, I ques- tioned, not Maxine XVilson surely? The old Maestro, herself, I heard a sweet voice cooing in my ear. I could stand no more. I slipped to the ground, felt it open and found myself falling through clouds. Dimly I saw other figures rush up - two small giggling angels who looked like Helen Curtis and Marg. Speers. Then St. Paul, with a miniature Mc- Goey carrying his train hurried along with the four apostles, Matthew, Mark, Luke and john in attendance to a superbly angelic Jo Klein. The picture faded. I was sitting in room 27 once more, while Mr. Brennand instructed a very earthly 5B about the earthworm. af sf :if :if There's nothing new under the' sun-and there's a lot of old stuff pulled off under the moon. THE HOWLER, 1934 Marion Mix's Question Box Editor's Note :-Miss Mix will answer your questions about love, etiquette, business and other matters. Dear Miss Mix: I take my pen in hand, to write you a few lines about a matter which has been distress- ing me since that popular song, You gotta be a Football Hero to get along with a Beautiful Girl came out. Now my problem is this: do I really have to play rugby when my girl is not beautiful? Yours hopefully, Fesmond Ditz-Gerald. My Dear Fesmond: By geometric reasoning I can prove to you that it is not at all necessary to play rugby since your girl is not beautiful. Cross out the Hbeautifuly' and rugby and you have left a player , Therfore you must take up music or the violin. Yours truly, Marion Mix. lk as 4: 4: SCANDAL QF 5B CSupplied at reduced ratesj By Detectives Tish and Tush QSuccessors to Black and Bluej Om' Illotto-If it swims, we have it. af ak if 4: lVe would like to know- lvhy Mg Soi are just passing things in life? lVhy Paul McGoey is so interested in a cer- tain Ith form blonde, better known as Dilly ? Vlfhether M rs. C. B. uses banana oil or snake grease in her frying pan when preparing C. Bfs coddling-buttermoth worts? NV'hether it is true or not that Marg. F. was engaged? :sf :sf :sf 4: We have found out- That Len Hodgman, whose sister, Miss Hodgman, whose father and mother, Mr. and Mrs. Hodgman, whose son Len Hodgman, is the brother of the daughter of the mother and father of Len Hodgman. That Jo Klein can Havaline, Recline and Decline. .That Marg F.'s real name is Marguerita Hildegarbrand fag same as in watermelonj Forsythe.

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Page Eighty-Eight Briefs of N.T.C.1.-1950 5F Pat Coyel, attending N.T.C.I., failed in only five subjects. Among the new teachers to be received at this school was one Jack Hodgins, renowned Geometry professor. Audrey Lindbergh, the ever present, lec- tured this afternoon on Helpful Hints to Hedication I-Iopefulsf' The minute that seems a year-waiting for that bell to go. wr af at wk 5G Scene-Room 34. Time-9 a.n1. any morning. Characters-Pupils of SG, who may be viewed any time between 9.10 and 9.50 Qoh yes! + Mr. Murdoch.l As the curtain rises we see Mr. Murdoch seated at his desk, glaring at a piece of paper. There are a few Qvery fewj other occupants of the room. Mr. Murdoch flooking upj : Miss lacklin, did you bring me your excuse for Vtfednesday morning? No answer. H Mr. M.: I said, Enid! Did you . . . Enid Cwalzing up with a start at hearing her name, grabs her Caesar and begins to trans- latej: And Cassivellaunus halted his troops and encamped in this place far into the night. Mr. M. Qabsent-mindedlyl : XVell, why not tell Cassie and his friends to leave earlier the night before, so you can get to school in time after this? He continues to contemplate the paper. Time passes and suddenly there is a sound of sliding in the hall. Catching the door for support, Jean Carr hurls herself into the room, trying to look very dignified. Mr. M.: Now let's see, there are a lot of absentees here this momingf' QAt this point Ruth Byres, Newbold and Pollard exit.D The door opens, and Frances Cuthbertson tlounces in, picks up her books and proceeds toward exit. Mr. M.: My petite demoiselle, are you leaving us F Frances Qwith disgustj : Oh, I'm changing my time-table. Ta-ta. THE HOIVLER1934 XVork finally begins and after a great struggle ten girls are persuaded to put as many sentences on the board Qsounds of a skirmish followl. Mr. M.: Ladies and others: I heard you the first time. Oh, take your seats, I'd rather do them myself. fHC,COH1111CHCCS to tear his hair at the second sentence: by the last he is foaming at the mouth.j Mr. M. Cputting away his comp. bookj: Take your Caesars. Protesting Voices: l'But sir, you said to bring the poetry book. CWith a sigh takes up book-telephone rings.j Gord Sutherland fansweringl : Ingram? And what is the second name? Qweaklyj Uh! lSutherland walks out.j Mr. M. fspying Ingramlz VVhy, I marked you absent. You weren't here when the bell went. Ingram tdisgustedlyl: I know, sir. I've told you one hundred times, I'm not registered in 5G. Mr. M.: Ah yes, 5E isn't it F Ingram: No sir, changed again: 5F now the goes outj. Mr. M.: Muriel, translate. Muriel: I don't think I- Mr. M.: Norah, go ahead. QOur three Norahsj chorus: I can't sir. Mr. M.: VVell, proceed Frances. The remainder of the period is spent by Mr. M. listening to Frances L., while we catch up on some badly needed sleep. As the bell goes to end the first period fwith all due apol- ogies to Foster Hewittj we amble on, to con- tinue our rest elsewhere, while Mr. M. mourns our fate and then forgets about us. if Ik if lk Mr. Keeling: In the government, the radi- cals are on the right wing, the conservatives on the left-you can have your choice of wmgsf, Dunbar: I'll take a drumstick! if :lc wk 4: 0 why do you wear your clothes so tight, lfVith the weather so sticky and warm? Fran. looked in the mirror and then replied: Ch, simply a matter of form!