North Toronto Collegiate Institute - Howler Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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Page Eig11.1'y-Six I was walking along a flower-strewn lane. A balmy breeze softly stirred the leaves of the trees. At my feet, little cherubs were playing. This must be Heaven, I sighed blissfully. Suddenly I started. Could it-no, no, impos- sible, yes it was-Kirby, one of the group of angelic cherubim, wearing a big pink sash and carrying a tiny horn. Then this can't be Heaven, I gasped, if Kirby is here! I was about to question him, when I saw approaching a seemingly familiar figure garbed in white, brow bound with roses, and carrying a harp. As the person drew closer, I saw it was-Desmond Fitzgerald. Desmond, I moaned, what are you do- ing here? I thought this was Heaven. He smiled brightly. Yes, you are quite right, this is Heaven, adding rather modestly, I am at present giving the little angels in- struction in deportmentf' But Heaven, I cried wildly, are you sure it's Heaven? Oh quite, he replied, executing at the same time a slow hop and curve, although you might not guess it from some people here. Miss Greenshields you know and-why here she is now, he added. And bless my angelic soul if she wasn't arrayed in robes as radiant as the stars, and leaning on St. Peter's arm. 'fOh, you old flirt, I heard her say affection- ately, why I heard you say the same thing to Maxine only yesterday. Maxine, I ques- tioned, not Maxine XVilson surely? The old Maestro, herself, I heard a sweet voice cooing in my ear. I could stand no more. I slipped to the ground, felt it open and found myself falling through clouds. Dimly I saw other figures rush up - two small giggling angels who looked like Helen Curtis and Marg. Speers. Then St. Paul, with a miniature Mc- Goey carrying his train hurried along with the four apostles, Matthew, Mark, Luke and john in attendance to a superbly angelic Jo Klein. The picture faded. I was sitting in room 27 once more, while Mr. Brennand instructed a very earthly 5B about the earthworm. af sf :if :if There's nothing new under the' sun-and there's a lot of old stuff pulled off under the moon. THE HOWLER, 1934 Marion Mix's Question Box Editor's Note :-Miss Mix will answer your questions about love, etiquette, business and other matters. Dear Miss Mix: I take my pen in hand, to write you a few lines about a matter which has been distress- ing me since that popular song, You gotta be a Football Hero to get along with a Beautiful Girl came out. Now my problem is this: do I really have to play rugby when my girl is not beautiful? Yours hopefully, Fesmond Ditz-Gerald. My Dear Fesmond: By geometric reasoning I can prove to you that it is not at all necessary to play rugby since your girl is not beautiful. Cross out the Hbeautifuly' and rugby and you have left a player , Therfore you must take up music or the violin. Yours truly, Marion Mix. lk as 4: 4: SCANDAL QF 5B CSupplied at reduced ratesj By Detectives Tish and Tush QSuccessors to Black and Bluej Om' Illotto-If it swims, we have it. af ak if 4: lVe would like to know- lvhy Mg Soi are just passing things in life? lVhy Paul McGoey is so interested in a cer- tain Ith form blonde, better known as Dilly ? Vlfhether M rs. C. B. uses banana oil or snake grease in her frying pan when preparing C. Bfs coddling-buttermoth worts? NV'hether it is true or not that Marg. F. was engaged? :sf :sf :sf 4: We have found out- That Len Hodgman, whose sister, Miss Hodgman, whose father and mother, Mr. and Mrs. Hodgman, whose son Len Hodgman, is the brother of the daughter of the mother and father of Len Hodgman. That Jo Klein can Havaline, Recline and Decline. .That Marg F.'s real name is Marguerita Hildegarbrand fag same as in watermelonj Forsythe.

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THE HOIVLER1934 fldjft' Ififflzly-Five El ,0 W 6 F ' l,g. ,, C NQIEI Ilfvith Due Apologies To Doctor Iameison and the Deceased Genius Signor Iameison many a time and oft In the lab. have you awakened me From my vivid dreams of the night before. Still have I borne it with a soulful sigh, For misery is my lot in all my classes: You call me misbehaver, half-wit, fool, And crow about my mental wanderings, And for sleeping when I have great need of it. lVell then, it now appears I need your help: Forget what's past, I go to you and plead, lamief I would have marks, so say I, I that did shun your sage forecasts And treat you as you were a head prefect Or some such fine example CU Alas I see you will not heed me. Ho hum, Boy am I tired! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. if is ff si: News flash! Doctor Xllhitelaw and Profes- sor Gaynor are now winging their way over mid-Atlantic. lVe'll try and pick them up by wireless-Crackle, crack! splutter! !!?5':! Prof. Gaynor: lVell doc., we're half way over. How's the gasoline supply? Doc. Whitelaw: The gauge says 'half'. I don't know whether that means half full or half empty. Sputter, crack! bing! BOOM!! :ic wk ar wk There was a young fellow named Marshall, lVho was to punning quite partialg He once said to Mitchell, just a sec, I'll go mit you, Now they're wrapping him in a black parcel. x :aw ag vs johnson Cdiscussing U. S. A. conditionsj : You know, Powell, there are a lot of good people in the bier. Powell: Yes, and there is a lot of good beer in the people. INTFRYIFXVS FOR I AYOI.'RI'l'I2 EXPRFSFIONS By Creg Glark and Iiimmy blrise lYe must get something for the Howler, I said. Of course, replied my side-kick Qwho is more often a severe painl, How about some jokes ? I slayed the fool with a glance. jokes, I said, in withering tones, are not lit for the Irlowlerf' Not your jokes, was the retort. I maintained a dignified silence. At that moment a car back-hred and some- one standing near us, who was evidently startled, exclaimed Holy Skunkslu I wonder if that is his favourite expres- sion ? my companion queried idly, and then with a yell of joy, pounced upon me. 'I'hat's it, let's collect favourite expres- sions! lVell, you old son-of-a-gun, I stuttered, for once you've got it. .Xbsolutely got it. Let's start. And so next morning we waited to find out what Melluish and Ford said, but being shy, retiring individuals, we decided to follow them on tiptoe down the hall. M.: Hold that tiger. F.: L'mph! M.: Hold that tiger. F.: LIrnph. Alright, we'll have to let it passg we can't bear it any longer. Somewhat discouraged but determined to persevere in our best manner, we enquired: Miss Greenshields, we were- . . +cosA+sinA-l-cosB+sinB. We're wondering if we- . . . tan A - tan B, oh deah, it's all wrong! Don't bother me! sz: wk -if -if VVearily I closed my eyes . . . zzzz . .

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THE HOWLER, 1934 5C Dranzatis Personae Our teacher is named Mr. Bale, Who is, as we see, very hale. Although not so young, His comments have stung 'Till we have become very pale. XVe have a young student Bill Ball, XVhose virtues will you enthrall, So stop, look, and listen Before you start hissin' This wonderful man, oh so tall! Ik lk It if Colzwrsalioiz Ovcrlzeard in 5C How arc thou? Oh,'I am radian to-day. I feel nice and cos. A myself. That's nice. You know Alphaceda Yes, u u u 14 NVell, secant be so dumb as we thought B cos. she had tan gents at her house one night but it was her birthday. Gosh, but of cosecantf' Pie R you standing there looking so sec ? Y, I don't know, I'm only standing on my own phetaf' Huh, can you beeta that P What F There's Victor giving us the high sine al- ready. Let's go. lk Ik lk lk Steve-to haughty hussy: Just because you've got a shape like a stove you don't need to think you're so hot. lk lk lk Ik 5D Aviator Cto Nicholsonj: Have you been up yet P Nicholson: No sah! I stays on terra firma, and the more firrna, the less terra. t 1: It Ik Dentist: I didn't lznow you had had this tooth filled before. I see there's some gold on my drill. McCullough: I haven't. I think you must have struck my back collar-stud. Page Eighty-Seven Mr. Baker: VVhy don't you answer me P Ashworth: I shook my head. Mr. Baker: 'lWell, do you expect me to hear it rattle away up here ? an an wk 4: Mr. Baker: What is a polygon ? Gaynor: A dead parrot. il :of :r fr I dreamt that I died And to Heaven did go. NVhere do you come from ? They wanted to know. North Toronto, I answered- My how they did stare! St. Peter said W'elco1ne, You're the first one from there! sr wr af nr Ruth: I want to see that show but I haven't the money. Adeline: That's easy. 'Iust go in backwards and pretend you're coming out. 4: ar x x Mr. Page: For goodness sake, stop talking. Marg. ftranslatingj: Keep holy silence. 4: 4: 4: -of 5E We predict that in twenty years Dave Wal- don will be a trafhc cop at the corner of King and Yonge Streetsg Ralph Hindson will finally have found a pair of pants to match his coat or vice versag we will be able to listen to Miss Massey carry on a conversation with the teach- er without grinding our teeth - niuchg Earl Russel will still be looking around for an Alge- bra problem that he cannot solve, Charlie Channel will finally be able to twirl his mis- placed eyebrowg Jim VVood will have his grand smile stretched completely around his headg jim Hazelwood will be getting up early enough so that he can eat his breakfast in at least two minutesg and Mr. Reynolds will still be the best Algebra teacher north and south of the Equator. :of wk x ik 5F Jack H. Qcriticizing Mr. Shaw's diagramj: Sir, your figure is all out of proportion. Mr. Shaw: Are you insinuating? Why the other day my doctor told me I was in perfect shape.