North Toronto Collegiate Institute - Howler Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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TH E H O H' L E R, Z9 3 4 111110 lfigllly-Om' HARD EARNED WAGES S S S S QIZNGLISH XVEEKLYD An artist, who was employed to renovate and retouch the great oil paintings in an old church in Belgium, rendered a bill of 5367.30 for his services. The church wardens, however, re- quired an itemized bill, and the following was duly presented, audited and paid: For correcting the Ten Commandments.tF5.1'2 For renewing Heaven and adjusting the stars ........,.........,..,....... 7.14 For touching up Purgatory and restoring lost souls .......,................. 33.06 For brightening up the ilames of Hell, putting new tail on the llevil, and doing odd jobs for the damned ........... 7.17 For putting new stone in l5avid's sling, and enlarging the head of Goliath . . . , 0.13 For mending' the shirt of the Prodigal 3.39 Son, and cleaning his ear ........... For embellishing Pontius Pilate and put- ting new tail and comb on St. l'eter's TOOSYCI' O -30 ................... NA, lfor re-pluming and re-gilding the left Y w wing of the Guardian Angel ........ 0.16 6 For washing the servant of the High Priest and putting carinine on his cheek ............................ 5,02 For taking the spots oil the son of Tobias 10.330 For putting earrings on Sarah's ears .... 5.26 For decorating Noahs Ark and putting new head on Shem , ............... -L31 367.30 Herr Iilinck tgazing with disgust at the group of chattering girls in the cornerl: 1 guess this is as good a time as any to spread you girls around. Enid -lacklin: You aren't going to spread me around. sr :ic sk wk Tommy came from the room where his father was hammering nails, weeping bitterly. VVhat's the matter? asked his mother. Boo-hoo! Father hit his thumb with the hammer. lVell, you shouldn't cry, you should laugh. Boo-hoo-I-I did! as x :if as Boring young man: You know, I'm funny that way-I always throw myself into any job I undertake' Pretty girl, sweetly: How splendid. VVhy don't you dig a well? an x as as lst Medical Student: lVhat's worrying you P 2nd Medical Student: You know I am desperately in love with Miss Beautief' Yes, and I have noticed lately that she has a sad, dreamy, soulful expression. That's it. I don't know whether it's love or her liver. iaifiei-iy had teeth Young you were Sister: like pearl Brother : gradually as .. .Xnd what did you say? Hostess: XYon't you have another piece of pudding, Tommy? So Mr. Goldhatch said I 'Oh, nothing, except that getting used to them. els Pls vls Tommy: No thanks. Hostess: You seem to be suffering from loss of appetite. Tommy: It isn't loss of appetite. XVhat I'm sulitiering from is politeness. Pls vis :ls Pls Mr. Page: Now class, turn to page GO. Voice at back: If you can't find 60, read page 30 twice. Mr. Page: That's enough wisecracking.-- Don't make notes 3 just keep everything in your head as you go along and you'll have every- thing in a nutshell l COh, Mr. Pagelj Pls as as Ik lVillie: Mother, my Sunday School teacher never takes a bath. Mother: NVhy lVillie, who told you that ? lVillie: She did. She said she never did anything in private that she would not do in public.

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Puffs Eifffzly 2 9 9 Mtg N THE HOlI'LER,1934 :lasts gg ascan Ozwr the Srlzool Hooks Xl'e imagine that there will be a general rush toward the lliology Lab. now that the news is out that Mr. Ilrennand has introduced a mid-morning meal called Ilrunch. The menu varies. Sometimes, dainty earthworms, pickled in their own juice, are served. Other- times, relishes of seaweed or liverwort, fresh water clams, or oysters on the half shell Cminus the oysterl comprise the repast. Among other things we heard that Marg Henders and Fran Cuthbertson are going to drop that swagger: that Desmond Fitzgerald hopes to make next yea1 s rugby team: that Iilmer Doan and Art Dunbar are going to stop the rotten punning. Could it be so? lVe wonder how long it will be before the teachers realize that the originality is just about gone off of You're the worst form I've ever had. Hand-knitted sweaters are very swish! For information apply to Florence l'ugsley or Mary Ritchie. Une young lady was repri- manded for knitting during a spare. XVouldn't it be fun if everyone did it? Can't you picture Mr. Ayers working on a pale pink afghan while talking about mayzures and inertia or while distributing S.3fl's ? xc :sf 4: x lVe wonder what this means. NVhen the Howler staff picture was being taken Mr. Reynolds stepped in and immediately the film stuck! at sk ss: x Mr. Keeling: Baldwin, where is Hodgins Ben Baldwin: Oh, he's in the Aud. playing a duet: I finished my part first. Bk Pk Pls PK Q Shiny noses are all right in New York: in fact, they're the thing there, but we haven't noticed any around here, except in the gym, and there-goodness sakes! XVe wonder if Mr. Page still intends to have the boys' half of the room fitted up with mirrors and shaving equip- ment if the girls insist on powdering their noses in his period. That would be great, Mr. Page: then we could use the mirrors, too. Have you heard North Toronto's Cheer Song as it appeared after the newspapers' com- ments about high school rugby being too tough for the lads? X'Vell, here it is: N.T.C.I. we will fight for you: Any cause will do, Other teams we'll boo: VVe'll go in to cut and bruise and 1Tl3lI'l1, All their blood we'll drain, Raw! raw! raw! raw! Blood and gore we'll always gladly share, May our cross-bones e'er fly. Victory comes while we swing Knuckle-clusters on chins to ring. So jeer! jeer! jeer! jeer! jeer! lVe will fight again for N.T.C.I.! How's that? :of wk wk x Here's a new yell for you, folks:- Rickety-Ry! Rickety-Ry! We come from the north And our record is high. You think you can beat us? See if you can! lVe're back of our school To a single man! Yea, North Toronto! wk wk :if 4: uery: Is it true, Miss Greenshields, that Patient: Ch Doctor, I am so wretched, I you are going to be married soon ? feel I want to kill myself. Answer: Well, no, it isn't, but I'm very Doctor: Leave it to me. grateful for the rumour.

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Page Eighty-Two THE H O IV L E R, 1 9 3 4 D n CAUSTIC COMMENT a a By Walter flfeyholej Squint-chell The advent of lawful liquor in the States has certainly boosted the spirits of the American people. The medical profession seems to rival the political nowadays in the matter of grafting, but we understand it's only a skin game. Scientists say that for a man to smoke nickel cigars is a slow death. lVe say- Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. We understand that the depression has put a good many golf links on the cuff. Seeing that high school students have taken to carrying fire-arms, we suspect that a few of our teachers will no longer be verbally knocked, but bumped completely off. Mr. Page, who is so adept at instructing the Juniors in the art of handling the ball, had better look to his laurels. XVe understand he has acquired a ball and chain himself. VVe wonder if the judges were influenced when they awarded the banner to North To- ronto for Clean-up, Paint-up and Beautify VVeek. Maybe Col. Xifood arranged it so that they could see the girls at their lockers just before the bell. XVe think that Mr. Ayres would make an excellent department store Santa Claus. There has been a lot of controversy as to the roughness of football, but nevertheless we sympathize with the players when it is learned that they have to supply their own brass- knuckles and black-jacks. Mr. Hitler seems to be gathering increasing numbers of storm troops. It is intimated, however, that he is interested in more than just the weather. Ik Ik Bob told me I was the eighth wonder of the wurldf' VVhat did you say ? I told him not to let me catch him with any of the other seven. :af x :k ac Newcomer: Have you an opening for a bright North Toronto student ? Employer: Yes, and don't slam it as you go out. Pk -if x as Teacher: A fool can ask more questions than a. wise man can answer. Pupil: No wonder I failed in Latin. Though Mr. Bennett hands out honours to people against public opinion, he hopes that he will soon be entitled totol. It is said that the public school's track meet held here in the Fall was intended to stimulate the enthusiasm of the kids. XVell, they're on the right track anyhow. The Camera Club is our school's fastest de- veloping organization. Anyway Mr. Roosevelt's organization of C. C. Camps to transplant young trees might seem to be getting at the root of things. It is rumoured that many a prominent Frenchman lost his shirt in the Bayonne pawn- shop scandal. That's nothing-people get rid of them every day in Canadian pawnshops. A much discussed Miss XVest has not only changed the current styles for women, but also the sayings of great men of history. Now it's Go VVest, young woman, go NVest. Cuba is rapidly gaining the title of the most democratic country in the world. It seems that every citizen, good or bad, gets a chance to be President. The reason United States has recognized Russia is because the Soviet commissars are no longer disguised with the usual face spinach. French furniture is not of the best quality. How do we know? Because the government is always changing its cabinets. Ii Natural History teacher: What is a prim- aeval forest ? Student: A place where man's hand has never set foot. Pk lk JK lk Teacher: Why were you not at school yes- terday afternoon F Pupil: Please, sir, I was just crossing the street when I saw a steam roller. ' Teacher: Well? Pupil: A man said to me: 'Mind the roller.' So I stayed and minded it all afternoon.