North Toronto Collegiate Institute - Howler Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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THE HOIVLER, 1934 XVhy, I-Iodginoff, calm yourself. Principal Golightly stands up again to speak. Students of North Toronto Collegiate I understand that the Board of Fducaton in- tends to follow out its original entertainment policy of having the movie stars appear in person at the same schools where their pic- tures are being shown. By a great effort on my part I believe we will have the outstanding entertaimnent feature of the week. l have been able to obtain through a little pull, the services of Miss Ethel Barrymore, for next week. This, I may say is quite a victory for North Toronto, over vlarvis, who will have to be con- tent with Mae XYest. Another thing is-Say. where's the fire? questions the principal as the male student body heads for the various exits. In her eyes, sir, shouts Desmond P. Fitz- gerald. I know that- - er I mean-but boys, where are you going? To Jarvis, replies the male student body. lust a moment, I didn't know that you felt that way about her. I will arrange to have her come up and see you some- Go- lightly, realizing what he has just said, breaks off without nnishing the quotation. You see it was this way, boys, I thought that she Mae NVest' your time. The male student body sits down. VVell, I am glad that you are sitting down again. Ure could not stand that last one, replies the M.S.B. Yes, of course, er, oh this assembly is now dismissedf, mumbled a fast-sinking figure on the stage. In case you are interested in the time, it is now 2.15. Not only is this story entertaining, but it is educational. For what other article brings you the correct time. t And also the paper that it is written on, matches my little blue hat. Don't you think so, George ? - Yes, I think so Gracie, and I think that it would have been a good idea, if the matches got in touch with the story, before the publishers did.j While George Burns is saying those cute things, I will chronologically list the events from 2.15 to 3.30. 2.15-I entered the Chemistry room and Page Sci'wily-.S'cz'f'1z saw a Mickey- Mouse cartoon and the first reel of a picture on the Metallurgy of Silver. 2.-I5-I entered the French class, and heard Maurice Chevalier sing three new French songs through the medium of the talkies . 2.5551 started a systematic tour of the vari- ous class rooms and picked up dictaphone records, left for students who missed the les- sons of the previous day. 3.05-I wandered in the Ancient History room and began rummaging through copies of Ijatin papers. Finally, I am rewarded by see- ing my name on one of the papers dated 193-. I then wonderd if I could graduate, and if so, when. 3.15-I entered the bridge room and sat down at one of the tables with Don Lowry and Bob Mitchell. tYes, some of the old guard are still left in the schooll Not being able to find a fourth student, we decided to invite a Matlieinatics teacher, who was kibitizing at one of the other tables, to join us. Glad to, gentlemen. Nkhat are the stakes? You know it adds interest to the game. How does a fiftieth suit you, sir? asked Don. NVell, I believe that if we play .-173c for every G7 7-10 points, it would give you some added arith- metic training. Sort of killing two birds with one stone. Part II.-Paradise Los! At 3.30 the radio was turned on and the Principals voice was heard to say, Students of North Toronto Collegiate: I have hitherto given you the utmost liberty in every phase of our school life. Most of you appreciated this and disported yourselves very satisfactorily. Unfortunately, there were the odd ones who took advantage of this freedom. A few moments ago it was my displeasure to notice some of the students playing a game commonly known as 'African Golf'. I was then forced to take away their pair of dice. And this, dear reader, is how the students lost their Paradise. ai: if is :if Why do you look in the mirror so much ? asked the married man of the pretty new maid. XVell, the mistress told me to watch myself when you were around.

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Page St'-z't'11fy-Si.1' THE HOIVLER1934 STUDENTS PARADISE I - Preface If H. G. NVells, in Men like Gods, can offer his idea of Utopia, I see no reason why I cannot offer mine. PART I.5Pa1'adisc Pound Hm., ten o'clock, I really must put a stop to these late hours, I yawned as I woke up for the first time Monday morning. x x x tNote x denotes an interval of one half hour. In this case the three x denotes an hour and a half. Cf course if you only take two X in the morning that is quite all right, even though they are poached. No doubt some people like them cuddled. There I go digress- ing from eggs to chickens. fSee it reader?I And as a quarter of the Marx Brothers told me, Please keep of digressfij XVell, after the hour and a half interval, I sat down to listen to the morning radio broad- cast. A voice from some other part of the house: It's a shame the way you keep the Board of Education limousine waiting. I'll be ready as soon as this program is over. It will only take another ten minutes, Realising that it was now almost twelve I hurriedly rushed out of the house into the aforementioned car. Sorry to keep you waiting, I said, more out of force of habit than sincerity. That's quite all right, sir. I understand that the moming assembly will be held at one-thirty, from now on, sir. That will be more convenient, I replied, without looking up from the morning paper that was placed for me in the car. That is what the principal thought, sir. After all, you know, he has the students' in- terests at heartf' Well sir, here we are at school again. May I carry your books to the door for you. I forgot that there isn't any homework any- more. Yes, it is very absent-minded of you, I said. Then continued, I'll have one of the teachers phone for you when I am ready to leave school. Very well, sir, good-morning. fImagine! at 172.35 p.m.I Hm,'y I mused, after the door-man with- drew the portculis, how will I while away the time till the 'morning' assembly at 1.30? XVell, hello Bill! fBill Barringer's approach takes my mind off the morning muse. This is a good thing since 'no muse is good muse. j I say, Bill, how will we pass the time from now 'till assembly. Follow me, replies Bill, as he heads for the elevators. Billiard Room, Barringer spoke up as we entered the cage. I get the cue, guv-nor, replies the elevator man. fSort of a Bill and cue affainj X X O.K. Bill, then tea it is at three-thirty, I said as we entered the auditorium, flmagine sipping tea. XVell I have to have some excuse to get into the revamped cafeteriaj Yes, dear reader the auditorium was not what it used to was tapology to Mr. Shawj Two together? we were questioned by a uniform. Yes, please, and towards the back. Very well, section C, lounge number 23. Out go the lights. Strains from ,Ierome Kearn's Roberta, are heard issuing from the orchestra pit and believe you me, it was a lucky thing that it was strained. The music stops, all eyes are now focused on the stage. Enter principal Iid. Golightly, of the North Toronto graduating class of '36, Remind me to dig that orchestra pit a little deeper, I can still hear maestro Hodginoff and his orchestra. The maestro jumps up. If it is pleezing to you so much, mine pal, I would like to apolo- gize from dat lest stateroom.

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