Newtown High School - Newtowner Yearbook (Elmhurst, NY)

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ON USING A FORK PRIMITIVE man had no implements for eating that exist today, and therefore he used the old faithful extremities. He didn't have to worry himself to a frazzle about the manner in which he picked up the cutlery or the way he held or used it. He thought that food should be put into the mouth as quickly as possible. In these advanced and civilized times QI often wonder if they arej we come to the stage where man now employs a little, delicate instrument known as the fork. It is supposed to keep our hands clean and help us to get our -food into our mouth, but what I have observed seems to indicate another picture to the story. In the corner of the restaurant, where he hopes no one can see him, a timid man shyly sits down to indulge in some dainty morsel. He picks up his fork as if it might break and then starts to take up his food. He tries once, then twice, then a third time but he is unsuccessful in his efforts to pick up the little rolly-polly peas which seem to be playing tag with him. First he goes after it, it rolls away. Then another try but it rolls again. This time it is halted by a staunch mountain of potatoes. Then, finally a hit is made and the pea, one lone pea, is brought onto the fork. A sigh of relief is ut- tered, but just before reaching the mouth plop goes the pea and falls on the plate. He knows stabbing food is not the right thing to do so now he must renew his strength and continue this endless struggle for existence. There is another man in that restaurant, but he, a mighty man, has no worry about who sees him. It is even better for his social life if many see him. He takes his fork and holds on to it as if he were to make a kill. He holds on to it so tightly that I don't think heaven or earth could make him re- lease his weapon. He makes a plunge and jabs the carrot through the neck. The kill is made. The man, who has this method of using his fork, never fails to make his kill for just below the waist is a part of the body which seems to protrude a little. And now we see a man that has no regard for appearance. It seems that he has a little trouble getting into the seat. This man could rightly be called a baby blimp. When he takes his fork in hand, he makes a little moun- tain of meat, potatoes and spinach on it. He thinks a fork is a steam shovel onto which one piles heaps. He also uses a fantastic method to get this peak 10

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Tha.t's just pretensef' returned Bob who seemed to know his women. Billy? Which one? she questioned. The Billy in your Chem class, he replied. Oh Billy Smith. Yes, of course. This is indeed a pleasant surprise, she answered coyly. It is? She said it's a pleasant surprise, he whispered. Well, get to the point ! Joe prodded. Here goes, he said trying to appear unperturbed. Gloria, he began, for the longest time I've waited for this moment to come and finally it has arrived. He hesitated .... Pd like to ask you if . . . if . . . well if . . . you have the Chem homework. He was at loss for words now. The whole world seemed to sink beneath him. He hardly had enough courage to continue. But he had to. What would the fellows think if he backed out at this stage of the game? What must Gloria think of his stuttering like a booby? In spite of his good looks, Billy had never found time to think about girls, he did not even know why they clamored for his attention. He hadn't any time to lose now. He cleared his throat and sud- denly gained a new confidence. In a twinkling of an eye it was all over. Yes, he had asked her and she had accepted. It all happened so suddenly that it left him speechless. He could hardly believe his ears when he heard her exclaim, Why I'd be delighted. It all had seemed so simple .... Unless the fellows had made an agree- ment with .... Well what did it matter now? By the look of relief and contentment on Billy's face as he sauntered nonchalantly into the club room a few weeks later, one could have guessed that his initiation date had been anything but a failure. Billy certainly had killed two birds with one stone! ROSEMAME LICATEB LIFE AND A RIVER Life is like a river, Ofttimes, one branch, - Sometimes it flows along serenely Which at first SGCIIIS C0111P19-001173, With scarcely a ripple Tranquil and easily accessible, To mar its calmness. Is too late discovered At other times, As leading nowhither. There are rapids and waterfalls As a river must finally merge To try usg With a larger body, Only the hardy survive. So must our existence be engulfed Somewhere along the course By that relentless vastness There is a fork. Known as Eternity. DONALD E. Sonnenr. 9

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of edibles. He uses a pusher. This is usually a piece of bread that goes around like a shovel cleaning the snow off the ground in winter. After observing these three methods of using a fork, I have finally come to the conclusion that they are all insane and indirect and too much work. Therefore I recommend that the practice of eating, which occurs only three times out of a day of 24: hours, should be given up. In its place one can take some vitamin pills that are just as nourishing and which take no trouble at all because one need not jab them, stab them, push them, or shovel them with a fork. RUTH Wann Itfs a Mania World I HAVE BEEN told, ever since I was a small boy, that it is a man's world. But I have been slowly disillusioned until now I not only doubt that it is a. ma.n's world, but firmly believe that it belongs to the so-called weaker sex. If a boy is hurrying through the halls to his next class and he bumps into a girl, who drops her books, he must of course apologize and pick them up. But if she is hurrying, and his books fall, he must also apologize and pick up his books. Have you ever stood in line in the lunch room and seen a girl push in ahead of a boy? If the boy dared tell her to go to the end of the line, he would be frowned upon, not only by the girls, but also by those of his own sex. Ah-h, for the good old days when only boys were considered important enough to be educated. But women wanted equal educational opportunities, and now that they have them, they still expect to be treated as they were when knighthood was in flower. If they are the weaker sex, it is only because they have been babied and pampered since they were born, and led to think that boys and men were put on earth merely to do the bidding of the fair sex. So the next time a girl knocks my books from my hands, I will probably apologize and pick them up. After all, what can a person do when the male sex is as firmly opposed to any change as the women are? FRED McCain-uv 11