Newton High School - Newtonia Yearbook (Newton, IA)

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TKe Faculty Menu Card (Recipes given for each delicacy.) ]VOOI)LE SOUP. (Miss Killduff.) Cut in very long, slender strips. Add plenty of seasoning with an occasional sprinkle of pepper. Serve indirectly to innocent children. STUFFED CELERY. (Miss Western.) Take the small, unassuming celery hearts, making sure that they are always fresh and crisp. Make a stuffing of 2 grams of ether, a pint of mercury, an ounce of sulphuric acid. Add enough sawdust to make a thick paste. Serve on concave mirrors. KEI) SNAPPER. (Miss Frazier.) Select a live fish and brush well. Gloves should be worn to avoid being scratched. Pound until the head becomes a healthy red, add plenty of water, roast over a fire of bril- liant sallies. Perfectly digestible. SHARK. (Miss Beard.) A rare luxury. Capture while young. Cook over a slow flame of midnight oil. Although it is hard to digest and causes many sleepless nights, this dish is an excellent brain feed, not- withstanding the fact that it works great havoc at examination time. VEGETABLE HASH. (Miss Hall.) First mix together a few green Freshmen, some Sophomores with big tops, some Juniors that have begun to work a little bit, and a few well-done Seniors. Chop them together until tired, then throw in a few farces, debates and programs. Cook the mess well and serve in an orderly manner. SPARE RIBS. (Miss Needles.) Obtain these toothsome morsels from a long, lean animal. Place in a crowded corner to flatten them out. Sprinkle with ginger and apply the customary roasting until they assume a crisp tone. Serve with catsup. MUTTON. (Mr. Browning.) A staple article, often thrust upon unsus- pecting house-wives. Mix with persistence and a generous dose of severity. Garnish with a crisply browned mustach. TONGUE. (Miss Campbell.) Procure a nice large tongue. Add a few spicy sayings and a large quantity of threats. Com- bine with delightful giggles and cute ways. Conceded by all to be very popular. CHICKEN WIGGLE. (Miss Rinehart.) Take the usual quantity of gelatine; stir in a large amount of violent gesticulations, vivid facial expressions and emphatic statements. Combine with SOME CHICKEN, color with a little Browning (not O. J.) Guaranteed to be the genuine wiggle. HEAD CHEESE. (Mr. Miller.) Take a good sized head containing a stand- ard amount of brains. Cook until tender, add a fe» v sheeps-eyes and a quantity of spices. Garnish with a generous amount of wavy black hair. Considered very excellent. MUSTARD PICKLE. (Miss Portner.) Take a crisp cucumber, remove the seeds, stuff with two cups of pepper, one of mustard, one of ginger. An excellent stimulant. Good anywhere, but especially when served to ath- letic teams. STUFFED PEARS. (Mr. Newcomer.) Stuff one of the pears until well filled with a mixture of grit, persistency and prudence. Serve with another smaller, sweet pear. Gar- nish with a little peach between. SHAMROCK SALAD. (Miss Broderick.) To prepare this delicacy, mix together some Irish Avit, two blue eyes, and a huge amount of smiles. Combine these in the right proportion, add plenty of sweetness and common sense. Sprinkle with a generous quantity of tee-hees and an occasional haw-haw. COTTAGE PUDDING. (Mr. Smith.) Plays an important part in all High School affairs. Stir equal parts of love-in-a-cottage and executive ability. Add a generous amount of enthusiasm. Smooth out all humps. Steam over the fire of responsibility, and serve with well-beaten students. LADY FINGERS. (Miss McKee.) A delicious edible, formal enough for any occasion. Blend 3 cups of dignity with two tablespoonfuls of lemon juice. Add one part of humor to one of severity. Mix well. Roll into long, slender shapes. The better known, the more popular this delicacy becomes. APPLE DUMPLING. (Mr. Baird.) For a nice dumpling, prepare a flaky crust, using plenty of shortening so that the dump- ling will puff into a nice, round shape. Enfold in this two red cheeks and a couple of tiger- eyes. Sweeten well with good nature. Spice with a well modulated guffaw.

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BESS WATSON. B. A. in Home Economics. Iowa State College, Ames. Domestic Art. HELEN M. NEEDLES, R. N. Bisliop Clark Memorial Hospital. Omaha, Nebraska. School Nurse.

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CREAM PUFFS. (Miss Johnson.) Make a rich filling of raw eggs, milk and plenty of corn-starch. Add sweetening to taste, cook gently until it bubbles over. Flavor with gooseberry, and tint the upper portion a deli- cate green. MASHED PEACHES WITH CRACKED ICE. (Miss Watson.) Be sure to select a nice juicy peach of the cling variety. See that it is thoroughly mashed. Cover with sugar of the Jones brand. Serve with bits of cracked ice set in gold bands. DEVIL ' S FOOD. (Miss Mather.) A desperate mixture. Take equal parts of her own concoctions with bran and bone-meal. Add grape juice and a large proportion of deli- cate sweetening. A standard dessert, and one that will never disappoint you. DIVINITY FUDGE. (Mr. Speer.) Ten parts of profundity, 5 of sobriety, one- fourth of hilarity, 3 of temerit. Mix well with equal parts of natural inclination of youth and the discretion of age. Cut in exact pieces. Ap- propriate to serve at Y. M. C. A. functions. OPERA STICKS. (Miss Miles.) Mix a little Gounod and Wagner with Irving Berlin and Boola. Whirl rapidly together. To this v itching medley, add a few liquid do-re ' s, and a number of trills. Good for most anything. ASSORTED NUTS. (Mr. Cramer.) Crack a few chestnuts, mix with niggertoes, walnuts and hickories. Blend together with chewing gum. Use plenty of salt to counteract freshness and serve in tin cups. A splendid dessert for farmers.