New Utrecht High School - Comet Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

Page 19 text:

ON RAISING TRUPPLES A truffle the drctronary says rs any of varrous subterranean edrble fungr of the ascomycetous genus Tuber and follows rt wrth the cryptrc t Fm truife t Pr rn trufa ort lt m truffa g LL tufera der Osco Umbrran tufer c L tuber esculent root Anyhow rt seems that truffles are grown around southern Europe or omewlrrere and not rndrgenous to the Unrted States Thrs rs aurte fortunate for LS however srnce truffle farmrng carrres wrth rt the most unpleasant of occu patronal drseases namely rnsanrty Forsooth trs unfortunately true that all truffle farmers after one harvest Cplease note sarcastrc connotatron of quotatron marks? rnvarrably rncur psychoses neuroses dementra praecox delerrum tremens advanced drscombulatron and other sundry and assorted forms of flerdermous rn the bell tower Clt has been sard that truffle farmers are the marnstay of the strarght 1acket rndustry J For that omnrpresent breed the statrstrc hound the rnsanrty rndex amona truffle farmers rs lOO Cthese hardy souls provrde 3X4 of the world s supply of hand cut paper dolls? Thrs frgure rs made more rmpressrve Crf possrblel by the lrst of runner up occupatrons among whrch are flagpole srttrng threadrng needles rn mrnrng shafts punchrng holes rn doughnuts collectrng snowflakes managrng the St Lours Browns and wrrtrng materral for hrgh school maga zrnes Why condrtrons are such can be easrly percerved by anyone acauarnted wrth the art of truffle farmrng But most people know as lrttle about rarsrna flyrng frsh Cor fools for that matterl Therefore thrs sage scrrbe wrll endeavor to rnform the rll rnformed about the frne art of truff'e farmrng as practrced rn parts of southern Europe and Rangoon CThere have been rnsrdrous rumors brurted about that truffles are berng secretly grown rn northern Slobbovra and berng used rn the manufacture of barracuda bart but these unscrupulous canards srnce they are berng spread by southern Slobbovrans are generally regarded as false D To get back to the toprc as no doubt you are most desrrous the truffle farmer an eager young sane man decrdes hrs truffle crop rs rrpe and ready for harvest Now srnce the truffle grows underground rt must be detected bx smell And srnce the fwould bel farmer a mere human rs eaurpped wrth tne not too keen olfactory organ evolutron has placed between hrs eyes he must turn to a more sensrtrve snoured creature namely the prg So our as yet sane truffle farmer eaurpped wrth prgfsl sets forth on hrs fatal rourney H follows hrs prg eagerly apprehensrvely optrmrstrcally Cpoor fooll untrl the delrcate essence of truffle reaches the sensrtrve creatures porcrne snout He fthe prg that rsj strffens for she as the case may bel hrsfherj nervous system trnglrng wrth frve alarm ecstacy Then hefshel sprrngs to actron and begrns drggrng furrously at the sacred spot The farmer eagerly awarts Then the truffle rs unearthed' The farmer stoops to grasp rt and glup' one swell foop for fell swoop rf you lrke that sort of thrngl and the fabulous fungus rs gone trtrllatrng the taste buds and glrdrng down the gullet of the perfrdrous porker Wrth the farmer rn close pursurt the prg dashes zrgzaggedly from spot to spot exhumrng and consumrng truffles Before long the farmer assumes the conventronal prone posrtron of frustratron nose to the ground arms and legs flarlrng the arr rneffectrvely untrl true to form the nrce men wrth the whrte coats come to lead hrm away to that comfy tax free padded cell over the hrll and far away Ia , , . Ill I I ' lr I 1 . , . .: . , . .: . , . , . - ' 1 . - . . . . - , , e, . or . , ' o . , ' truffles as, say, gnawing gnus, doppling gangers, or even pooling livers or . . -. . 1 - . I . . , , . . . . , 4 . - A W I . 4 - I . . . I . . A 6 . f i . , , , , ,

Page 18 text:

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Page 20 text:

Of course the farrner doesnt have to use a p1g l-le may use a dog wh1ch has no afflnlty for truffles and harvest all he wants However truffle farmers are an 1deal1st1c lot and must preserve the 1dYlllC tableau of Man and hrs Pra Not that a doa 1sn t n1ce but next to a pta would you compare a lark to an aardvark? a slrthy tove to a borogrove? hmrnrnrn7' You bet your senlor button you wouldnt Well that s about 1t You now know as much about ratsrng truffles as l do out dont let that d1scourage you You go rlght out lnto your backyard and rarse all the truffles you want And you needn t fear 1nsan1ty elther s1nce hances are you dont own pras ln fact anyone who would keep pras 1n h1s backy ard lS deftnltely straraht Jacket rnaterral Nom ttat your 1ntellectual curlosrty has been aroused concernlna truffles r teel su e you w1ll tntrnedrately get all the tnformatton ava1lable on the subnec and really get to know rt v ell l rearet trtat l cannot cont1nue thxs parte any further as l must now hasten to my backyard to feed my ptas KDSEPH RUSSO Ufll YA!!! -LUN Vt e all attended the funeral O1 our late dear uncle Dan The pnest extolled the vlrtues O1 thxs truly dear old man Vie all were sad and grxevmg You could tell that from our tears how we regretted hrs departure How we loved hrm all these years Then we trudged off toward hxs munsxon For the readmg of the wxll Of course thls meant nothmg to us We d rather have Dan wrth us stlll He d not forget us ln hls testament Fo he loved us as we lover' hxm But we shouldnt talk ol money On a day so sad and grxm The lawyer s readrng what Dan hed wxshed St essmg each word for clarxty Oh no no no thus cannot be I c gave h1s dough to charxty Dear Uncle Dan the dxrty cur Rnd every l1kew1se synonym But I guess the end result d d show That he loved us as we loved htm STANLEY SOLOMON I6 1 - r A f V I ' A I . . . , . . Ot J . , 7 , . . . , , . . , . , . - 1 ff ' ' ' ' ' V . . , Y, Y . . . , . Y 1 7 . . . . l , Q f YQ . . .. . . . . . . Q , . , , . - V t ' . v' 1. 1 , . f 1 v ,f 1 X . . I f ' I7 ' r 1' . A r I 1 1 v . . I v