New Paris High School - Parisian Yearbook (New Paris, IN)

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THE SENIOR CLASS HOROSCOPE One mornrng whrle makrng my rounds collectrng garbage Iwas out behrnd Stewart s drner when I heard a wrndow break Glancrng across the alley I saw a small man defrnrtely the crrmrnal type craw lrng through a wrndow Immedrately my undeveloped genrus brarn began functronrng I rushed rnto the drner and tore over to the phone There was Sue Mellrnger lersurely orderrng a case of mustard and forty pounds of hamburger After shovrng her from the stool I rang central Drane Smeltzer mumbled wrth a mouth full of somethrng Number please' Get me the polrce' Qurck' Someone rs breakrrrg rn to Sorg s Jewelry Frnally headquarters answered Sergeant Holdeman speakrng Thrs rs the Sanrta tron Engrneer of New Parrs suburbs Hurry I Robbery I Sorgs' Frve mrnutes later thrrteen squad cars roared up the alley 'llrree offrcers Davrd Garber Nelson Wakely and Jerry Whetten who turned out to be old school chums broke down the door Ten more offrcers rushed rn and dragged the vrllarn out As they wrestled hrm rnto the car he kept screamrng Be careful you re smashrng my crgars' Wrth trres howlrng and motors roarrng they left Frgurrng I had better let Mrs Sorg know about the trouble I returned to the drner and called her home Mrs Sorg former Lors Dowty answered the phone After I explarned what happened she sard Mr Sorg should be there by now he left about an hour ago After leavrng the drner and contrnurng my route my mrnd wandered I rmagrned myself rn the Hall of Fame besrde Babe Ruth and Sherman Brown Ah yes' Sherman Brown the one man who prtched four no hrt games rn successron rn the World Serres Or maybe even besrde Mrss Arnerrca Yes str that Car olyn Yoder really went places after hrgh school but a lot of the credrt goes to Vrrgrnra Shaver her man ager I was rudely brought back to realrty by a hobo tryrng to steal some of my garbage I grabbed hrm and was all ready to push hrs stubby lrttle crgar butt down hrs throat when I recognrzed Don Crrpe We sat down on a couple of garbage cans and had a merry chat He told me of several other school buddres of mrne Marvrn Krreder who was runnrng on the Democratrc trcket for Presrdent and Marvrn Rermer who was runnrng on the Republrcan trcket He also told me of how Brg Bonnre Hess the underworld queen shot rt out wrth Rrghteous Rrch Ramer the prrvate eye Frnally I offered to buy the hamburgers and we went back to the drner As we were srttrng there who should walk rn but Stanley Drsher my boss After bawlrng me out he sent me back to the alley On my way out I nearly ran over Larry Yoder and the Mrs who used to be Janet Neff and as near as I could count ten krds' The rest of the day was peaceful just me and my garbage The next day I was called down to the Jarl to wrtness agarnst the vrllarn Upon arrrval the rntern Ruby Swrnehart sard I would have to wart It seemed as though the polrce whrle man handlrng hrm twrsted hrs back He was recervrng attentron from the town chrropractor lanrce johns Whrle wartrng I notrced that Dorothy Parcell the top notch Psychrartrrst of the natron and Mary Sheets the brarn spec ralrst from Indranapolrs were also wartrng Evrdently the crrmrnal was rnsane Frnally Steve brought the crrmrnal out There was somethrng famrlrar about hrm he was exceptronally well dressed and drstrngursh ed lookrng Suddenly rt dawned upon me thrs was Mr Dennrs Sorg About two hours later all was exp larned On the way to work the other mornrng he met Georgra Hrte who had just souped up her hot rod She offered Mr Sorg a rrde and on the way they had a head on collrsron at nrnety mrles an hour wrth a taxr drrven by Jewel Thomas Fortunately the passenger a Marrlyn McGowen was only shaken up a brt Mr Sorg walked the rest of the way but he had lost hrs store key rn the fracas Tom Bowman Complrments of EUREKA CONCRETE PRODUCTS INC 24 . . . . . ' , n 1 . , , ' - u - r . - H .. V- . . . . . n . . . ' 1 N - ,, . ,, ,, . . . - v . ' . . . V V H . 1 u r n 1 - . . . . I , . . ,, - v n , . Y . ,, , . . . . . v - 1 . . , . . , v - 1 - , . y 1 . Y . . . , - l ' ' - n u ' - 1 1 I ' n . , , . . . , v 1 - n r . 1 1 , . 1 ' 1 . 1 - u , n n n . - . n . , . . I - - - ' u - - v . o ' . , , . . n -

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