New Lincoln School - Yearbook (New York, NY)

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'Do you know the name of yonder aged one?' 'Ay, verily,' she said, 'and I also have imprinted my thoughts on that tablet that he reads. I am the nymph whose function is to make NThe New Linku bloom every two weeks. This I do with the aid of my genie, Mimeographus.' 'where does this Mimeographus abide that we may seek him out?' 'Ah, you cannot do that, fair stranger, for he lives in the underworld, covered with inky blackness, and anyone who touches him becomes of his color. I bid thee farewell. See ya sometime,kid.' And, so saying, she betook herself down the road after the aged one. Next we came upon a strange creature, wearing some strange manner of goggles over his eyes, who sat playing a peculiar type of lute, with hammers to pluck the strings instead of his own fingers. There he sat, hurling every manner of curse and damnation upon his instrument. Indeed, as we first approached, we heard him say, 'Ah'm so durned mad ah could spit!' ITrans- Lator's note: This particular personage was probably from southern Greece.1 tax nLeaving this mad minstrel hammering his instrument, we reached a strange edifice, stand- IY-! ing in the true center of the island. Prom it came cries resembling those heard from souls in Hades, every manner of anguished shriek poured forth from the great building. warily, we step- ped inside, fearing for our lives. It was then that we were in the presence of the great Pencil- shaker, Bob Blysseus. with a cry of greedy rage, he swooped down, seized two of my men, knocked their heads together, and made a meal of them. As he sat licking his chops, we withdrew to a protected corner of the chamber, cowering in fear. But the great Pencil- shaker drew us therefrom saying, 'Need not fear, for I shan't touch anymore of your men, two being the standard meal in these parts. Come see our hardy slaves at work.' And so saying, he lead us to two great rooms. 'There are two hard masters here, Physicus and Biologus, let us regard Physicus firstn As we stepped into the great hall, we were arrested by the horrifying scent of Toluol, which is used to purge the poor victims of their sins. There sat XFN the poor, cowering slaves, adding L' ciphers and reciting formulae in a HJ strange gibberish. Indeed, one was trying to draw an egg from a flask into his mouth. 1 UNear by us sat one of the slaves who drew forth from his pocket two S long, slender, interlocking wooden A rods, and this curly-headed youth commenced abstruse figuring on the is contraption. The awe-full Blysseus then said unto us, 'Yon curly-headed youth goes by the name of Slide-rul- erides, condemned for the remainder of his life to think and speak only by means of this fiendish sliding

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THE ELEVE TH GR DE During its study of ancient history, the eleventh grade took a short four year trip to Greece to investigate ancient ruins. While they were there their mentor and guide, R. N. Bliss, uncovered several tablets upon which there was ancient Greek script. It turned out that these were the lost books of NThe Oddysseyn, which had been sought by many historians and archeologists since the dawn of history. We reproduce a translation of them here for pos- terity. 1' H' no A v 'F' 0 Q my P figs-L-1, - ii Then rose, with rosy-fingered dawn, from his bed the noble Oddysseus in the house of Alcinous, king of Phaecia. And once more called they him to their Court to discuss with them his journeys and adventures. After the marvelous minstrel, Demodocus, had finished with singing the deeds of the mail-clad Acheans, Alcinous came upon Oddysseus and to him he said, UNoble stranger, will you continue your tale that was left unfinished yesterday?U And to him said noble Oddysseus, Hwhy, I will indeedn, and he began. UAfter we had weathered the rage of the Cyclops and steered away our sleek ship from his treacherous isle, we sailed for many days, tossed at the whim of Poseidon, the Earth-shaker, hither and thither, all the while wishing more and more to be home in our own rocky Ithaca. Suddenly, however, we came upon a strange isle that stood alone in the middle of the sea, barren and rocky. Not knowing what lay in store, we steered our swift, black ship to- ward the craggy island. Landing suddenly upon the firm and stony shore, we quickly disembarked, and headed up the craggy cliffs that surrounded the cen- ter of the island. HThe first inhabitant we saw was an aged figure, bent double with his years, perusing a tablet on which were written three strange words: 'The NGW Link'. I boldly stepped forward and greeted him. 'Alas', he Said, 'I Gm doomed to wander this craggy isle forever and to pray to the gods that I mOY be protected from the wrath of Blysseus, the Pencilshaker'. As the ancient disappeared down a lonely path, muttering into his gray beard, there came IH sight Q fair and lovely blond-haired damsel. we approached her and asked

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rod! Over in another corner of the great hall, there appeared before our amazed eyes the figure of a care-worn maiden, hunched over the leaves of a beautifully engraved booklet entitled 'The U.N. Report on Atomic Energy'. Spake Blysseus then unto us, 'There you View a studious maid, well-learned in the manners and morals of atoms, with hope foremost in her heart to one day become high priestess of Physicus. Turning our eyes from these tortured V ones, we entered the room of Biologus. There, WGS a collection of ghoulish creatures poking about in the inner workings of dead rats and relishing the grisly sight. 'Ch, lead us away!' we cried, and Blysseus brought us unto the rooms where the unfortunate slaves were ' schooled in complicated manipulations with Q numbers. Seated beneath a towering black slate rg , was the mentor of this class, chanting incom- N K prehensible words at her stupified charges. A vague and unsubduable murmur filled the high- , v walled room. Tomorrow, tomorrow was the day ' of the long-dreaded supreme sacrifice...to- morrow was the day of the test! Then, above .S X the babbling, worried populance rose mightily Q the cry, shrill and vibrating, of a maiden V 'iblond and scowling, whose voice my men and I 4: fa could compare to naught in our travels but the gi screeching eagles of Zeus almighty. Llven as 'jf we turned to Blysseus, the Pencilshaker, for 4 explanation of this phenomenon, the light- hairea damsel leapt from her seat to defy the word of her lord, the mentor of the black slate, ana conducted forth were we, out of that mighty Chamber. shortly thereafter, conducted were we by izlysseus unto the rooms where strange tongues were taught: that ot the Gauls in the north and that of the lllyrians in the west. Q Upon glancing into the room of the Gaulic lan- guage, we were immediate- Q1 ly struck by the sight gl of the great dispensor- of-wisdom attempting I I ay, using all the powers Q. 0 I B which the gods had given 'I her, to Curb the antics I C of a bushy-haired youth seated in a corner of the chamber. It was of no avail. My men were 1 fairly frightened out of their wits by the gutter- NNN, coming from his throat, and the flapping of arms al, ape-like mutterings -A