New Lexington High School - Lexingtonian Yearbook (New Lexington, OH)

Page 29 text:

Class prophecy “Where there’s a will, there’s an inheritance tax.” —Shakespoke. Last year, after my rich uncle had died, the estate was settled up and the money settled down in my pocket, and, I having led a life of privation, poverty and suffering, decided to go on a tour and see how the other half of the world lived. Every true-hearted American, until he has seen Paris, is: so naturally, my first stop was there. Upon my arrival, I was ambling leisurely down the Boulevard and some playful chap caught my ankle in the crook of a cane and ruined what I considered a perfectly wonderful three-dollar hat. My suspicions as to the identity of the stranger were confirmed. Bruce Allen, Class President way back in ’22, came up and explained that he was sorry but that the cane just simply wouldn’t behave. He is arbiter of the world’s fashions and upon his invitation we strolled down to his fashion shop so that he could introduce me to some of his models. The first person I saw was Bernice Elswick, Bruce’s present wife; Kate Diller, his private secretary; Evelyn Yauger, bright and rising cashier; and Gertrude Hayden, the leading model of Paris. “Feet,” always a bright chap, suggested a little party and the rest of us gladly acquiesced, because, as Pussyfoot hasn’t gone to France yet, the wets still reign (rain). During the natural course of the evening, we took in a show and it seemed as if the call to Paris had reached the ears of many more of the class of ’22. On the stage we were able to discern two of our members—one, a singer of no little fame, Pearl Kendrick, and the other Gladys Jones, a ballet dancer of unparalleled merit. Suddenly “Hady” burst out in a new place and ejaculated the single word, “Gee!” The Count De Change and his party were pointed out to us in the opposite box. The Count’s name, before he adopted a new one, was just plain Bill Foraker. Matrimony got him, and the Countess, Vira Bragg, was with him. Another, a noted member of the police force, none other than the redoubtable Bob Fealty, is hot on the trail of John Bowers and his accomplice, Oscar Ketchum, who are accused of bootlegging. Being unable to attract their attention, we saw no more of them. My wanderings took me next to Petrograd, the land of the Bolsheviks and polar bears. The train, a miserable ramshackle affair, on the order of the B. O., was nearing one of its destinations and my attention was attracted by the position of the sun. “Must be about noon,” I murmured, and a cheery voice directly behind me, “It is.” “Mary Weller, as I live, and Thelma Holcomb.” My astonishment was unsurpassed. ,A few moments later a musical voice heralded the passing of dinner and Zella Rader came walking up the aisle. Petrograd lay before us and dinner was my objective.

Page 28 text:

19- Margaret Williamson wills her walks, to and from school, to Elva. 20. Lucille Lee wills her bobbed hair to the Paris models. 21. Merle Rushing lends her Frank to some likely Senior of '23. We doubt it, though. 22. Ralph Grant wills his traveling experience, to and from Moxie. 23. Thelma Holcomb wills her blushes to the Freshies. 24. Vira Bragg really gives her knowledge of Social Problems to President Harding. 25. Zella Rader loans her complexion to Mary Garden. 26. William Foraker donates his patent leather hair to the Walton Shoe Co. for “Sally Sandels.” 27. Elizabeth Gifford wills her pleasure of lemon catching—whew ! 28. Mary Weller wills her dark tresses t oward advancing the play, “The Sheik.” 29. Venus Patterson wills her tactfulness of rolling her own (eyes) to the St. Aloysius Academy girls. 30. Bernice Ellswick wills Fat Davies to ;he class of ’23. 31. Bob Garey wills his favorite brand cf hair tonic to Porcupine Hillis. 32. Ruth Brown wills her ability to cow-drill to Kintz. 33. Esther King bequeaths her ability to kid the salesmen to the class of '23. 34. Lucille Dennison wills her typing speed to Clias. Smith. 35. Nial Holcomb wills his advice from worldly troubles to Sinkey. 36. Ruth Speaks wills her ability of playing messenger to a carrier pigeon. 37. Ethel Yarger donates her American History and Civics to the class of ’23. Poor things. The Atlas is upon your shoulders. 38. Herman Thompson lends his marcel to the world's greatest violinist. 39. Eugene Hynus leaves behind him his pleasures in teasing the non-city flames to Star Marlowe. 40. Bernice Rockwell wills her intelligence to the Faculty. 41. Gertrude Hayden wills the privilege (to any of the kids) of taking her name in vain. “Hayde.”

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The best restaurant in town was piloted by a naturalized Russian, Herman Thompson, so of course I found myself patronizing home industry. His head waitress, Margaret Williamson, brought me a bowl of the same kind of soup that Lennie and Trotsky have thrived on for years After a short stay in the Russian capitol, I again boarded the trick train and after a series of bumps, jars, concussions, jerks and jumps, I found myself in the heat of Monte Carlo. The Casino was, of course, my first stop and the owner, a short, florid man, came puffing up to me and emitted one single, affable grunt; it was Eugene Hynus in person. Over his shoulder I saw an enormous back and a sonorous voice sounded mournfully, “Come seven, tiger dice, claw me.” Joe Allen, apparently unsuccessful in his latest effort, turned despairingly around and muttered, “If I were as lucky as Earl Bennett and Nial Holcomb I’d never leave this place. Guess I'll go back to court and judge a few more cases.” I soon tired of the prize gambling concessions so I bade goodbye to the populace and soon sped merrily on my way to Arabia, the land of caravans and fig leaves. I saw Bob Garey from the train window and a few rods distant was Art Saunders engaged in his manful pursuit of hunting dates. Walking down the main street of Mecca, I spied a sign which read, “American Missionary Relief.” Seeking conversation with some one of my tongue I entered and the leader, Esther King, showed me the honor roll of that particular society and there were six of our classmates whose names were inscribed thereon : Lucille Lee, Lucille Dennison, Pauline Randolph, Elizabeth Gifford, Kathryn Holden and Ralph Grant. My mind greatly relieved at having talked to some one that didn't sound like a concert of hyenas in a zoo, I boarded something that looked like a cross between our city hack and a cloud of dust and it seemed many months later that I was able to board a boat to go to Tokio. There I found Ethel Yar-ger on a lecture tour and Stanley Van Atta playing his saxaphone in the Mikado’s orchestra. As there is nothing to see in Tokio except eyes, lotus blossoms and jinrikishas, I soon tired of it all and, homesick, I boarded a boat bounded for San Francisco. The people of that city were all ajoy over the arrival of Bernice Rockwell, a charming debutante, and her chum in their imported car; but being so near home, nothing of the kind could interest me. Ev. Crossan and her lifelong chum, Veronica McGonagle, were respectively united in the holy bonds of matrimony but they couldn’t give up their life’s work so they are still matrons of the Granga County Children’s Home. As for myself, 1 like to portray a life on flowery beds of ease, but unless some unseen God or Goddess (preferably Goddess) aids me, all I can do is hope. Requiscat in pace. Lauris Matthews.