New England College of Optometry - Scope Yearbook (Boston, MA)

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The newsboy at this time was green in the gills so we decided to look at the paper to learn of any events worth knowing. The headlines proclaimed to the nation that CLINTON LEROY WILSON, IR. HAD BEEN UNANIMOUSLY ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE A. O. A. Clancing down the front page, we noticed in an inconspicuous corner that Franklin D. Roosevelt had been reelected president of the United States. Turning to the scientific section of the paper, we found that Saul Silver- stein, that mathematical genius, had won the coveted position of instructor of chirotechnical optics at Fradkiifs Home For Demented Optometry Students. Another interesting item was news that Dr. Joseph Craven, Secretary of the Icelandic Board of Examiners in Optometry insisted upon using retino- scopes made of whale blubber in every Prefraction Igloo. Suddenly we heard the blaring of a radio and were surprised to hear that Chester Turner, world famous organist, was about to play his latest compo- sition aOrgan Passages from a Useless Thesisfy Following this, we heard a broadcast of the meeting of the Australian Board of Optometrists at which two women orthoptists, Doctors Adler and Levine, discussed the relative features of treating true alternating squint by removal of the external geniculate body. Then in the midst of this broadcast an excited announcer broke in with the momentous news that Doctors Laliots, Poulos, Vaniotis, Meyers, Thornton and MacDermott had discovered a foolproof method of preventing the formation of cataract. The method was the relatively simple procedure of surgically removing the crystalline lens at birth. We then heard in the distance the faint music of a martial air accompanied by tramping feet. As they approached we saw at the head of a marching column the portly Hgures of a decorated sextet composed of Calmus, Bloom, Katz, Forman, Zalkin and Mayers. On asking a bystander the meaning of the parade, we learned that it was in honor of the above mentioned group for meritous achievement in the service of their country during Wforld VVar II. It seems that they were all captured by axis troops, who forced them to become refractionists in the service of the enemy, on learning that they were Optom- etrists. However, our brave heroes prescribed total occlusion for every soldier they refracted. This brilliant coup resulted in our nationis winning the memora- ble battle of Battle Creek, which was recorded in history texts as the decisive battle in that world wide conflict. On returning to the newspaper we found that Nicolosi, Kefferstan, Quinn and Kraus had worked so hard with cross cylinders that they could do almost anything with them, including the following: take a blood count, typoscopy, bio-microscopic examinations, and even making chocolate skim milk shakes by mixing the plus and minus axes with chocolate syrup. On turning to the scientific events section we learned that Sid Taylor, with the able assistance of Maurice Morin and Paul Cates, had won the Nobel prize for the greatest scienitfic achievement of the year by evolving a formula that could compute the diameter of the optical center of a lens. In another section of the newspaper, we saw that Roland Carrier had won the yearly award of the S. P. C. A. for developing a method of prescribing presbyopic corrections for hibernating bears, while practicing in the woods of northern Maine. page twenty-seven

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Class Prophecy Scene: Psychopathic ward of a prominent state institution for the mentally ill. On each side of this ward is a long row of well padded cells. A ghostly silence accentuated by a semi darkness lends a decidedly eerie atmosphere to this scene. From one of the cells at the far end of the ward eminates a flickering light creating grotesque patterns on the wall. Prompted by an irresistable morbid curiosity. we approach and peer into the cell. We see the figures of three men sitting in a huddle around a small table. that is lit by the ebbing light of a dying candle. Upon drawing closer, we see that these figures look vaguely familiar despite their unkempt hair, disheveled clothes and hunted looks. Then with sudden recognition, horror clutches our throats- Ye Gods! -It's ROSENTHAL, RUTBERC AND SAPERIA. just then a guard enters the cell and leads the three of them away. As they obediently follow their keeper, they break out in the following refrain that has an oddly familiar theme: In the water, in the water, thatls all we hear, the whole day through, In the water, in the water, no wonder, we feel so blue. VVhen in the night, we try to sleep, we canlt, Because we still can hear Namias peep, In the water, in the water, the whole night throughf, As their robust soprano voices die out in the distance, we pick up the sheet of paper on which they have been concentrating so intently. We read the following: i'VVe three, believing ourselves to be of sound mind and in complete possession of all our mental faculties Ccontrary to the opinions of the M. S. O. facultyj wish to relate for posterity our most recent experiences, fantastic as they may seem, before the thin thread holding us to sanity breaks from the horrible strain. just a week ago today, we three were viewing with considerable relish, a classical presentation of the Art of Physical Cyrations in the 'iLittle Theatre off Scollay Squaref fbearing no relationship what so ever to the Little Theatre Off Times Square.,'j In the midst of the grinds, bumps and convolutions, we suddenly fell asleep. QDO you believe it-we donlt eitheizj In our subconscious minds, we felt ourselves being whisked away by some unseen force that sped us dizzily round and round in a swaying and sweltering motion. Suddenly it ended and we regained consciousness to find ourselves still together but standing on a strange thoroughfare in an entirely new world. Picking up a discarded newspaper, we noticed with amazement that it was dated February 6, 1963. lust then we heard a newsboy shout DICK TRACY CAPTURES PRUNE FACE, LIL ABNER MARRIES DAISY MAE, BIM CUMP DROPS DEAD LEAVINC ENTIRE FORTUNE TO MOON MULLINS. FLASH GORDON ELOPES WITH ZHARKOV, THE SCIENT- IST Cwe always knew that was a Fairy Talejg Paul S. Cline ends his day's lecture at M. S. O. with a talk on the relationship between modern gothic architecture and suppurative choroiditis. page l'zL'c11t1j-.six

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ln the foreign news section we saw that Sonny Cohen and Bill Morin along with happy Harry Nieman, were now working with Ernest Maddox, devising seven new grades of convergence. XVe also noted an item of interest concerning Bernie Issokson. It seems that F almouths gift to optometry had become the foremost refractionist in his community and has his office refrigerated to a temperature of twenty degrees above zero. Issokson, when fully aroused has been known to throw snowballs at uncooperative patients. Icicles hanging from his ophthalmometer lend a picturesque atmosphere to his ofHce. After having read all the items of interest in the newspaper, we disposed of it. and started to ponder over our awesome journey into the future. As we did so we were suddenly enveloped in a cloud of positive scotomas that carried us back through time. back to 'The Little Theatre Off Scollay Squaren. XVhen we finally recovered our senses we discovered that physically, we were none the worse from our experiences. though the stage presentation had given us a slight case of exophthalmus. Mentally. however, we were in a turmoil, so we hurried OH to consult a psychologist. who promptly declared us to be on the shady side of sanity and ordered us to be committed to this institution. Here the writing ends. As we finish the tale of this unbelievable odyssey into the future, the sheet of paper falls from our trembling Hngers. Crocodile tears run down our quivering faces as we slowly walk away. bewailing the fate that played such a trick on three of optometryls most promising men Cone loud razz.l The scene ends amid boos, bronx cheers and cat calls, and everyone heads for the nearest straight jacket. Robert Rosenthal Jerome Rutberg Norman S. Saperia page twenty-eight