Mountain View Union High School - Blue and Gray Yearbook (Mountain View, CA)

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18 BLUE AND GRAY back had healed fully, so that I was able to get up and around from my animal hide bed to which I confined myself. Every man I passed would look at my back and then grin. Soon I began to wonder what the trouble was. I didn 't know of any disfigurement, or any laughable picture tatooed on my back, or if some April fool culprit had Just pasted 'Kick me' there, of what the matter Was. Finally one of my own countrymen volunteered the information, that where each blister had healed, it had left a white spot, as contrast with my artificial col- ored skin. 'And,' continued he, 'you look like a split between a two- legged, spotted leopard and a nigger' Now wouldnlt that keel haul you? I looking like a nigger and a spotted leopard when I'm a healthy son of Ireland! I simply told my informer where he ought to go for a warmer temperature. 'Shipmatesf Bill broke off, addressing the 'salts', when their laughter had spent itself, you remember old Paddy Murphy, the Frenchman?' They all nodded positively, grinning at conflicting name and nationality, Bill's humor. 'Well, he got in thick with the lwimmen folks there. He saved his 'windjammer' from the wreck and - Windjammer? the dapper landlubber interrupted again. What's a Windjammer? , Say, matey, where 's your nurse? You'd make a fine sailor, you would. So you want to know what a windjammer is? Well I s'pose I ought to enlarge your vocabu-thing-a-ma-jig. A windjammer, my lad, is what landlubbers and dry land sailors call an accordeonf' Oh, said the 'land fish', with relief. . Well, Bill resumed, to continue as before mentioned, Paddy got in thick with the wimmen folks. I remember him squeezing his Windjammer one day, in the solitary woods, soothing his troubled spirits, when his 'wife' 'reefed' him. With gleeful, guttural, gurglings, she heaved him on her shoul- der and headed for camp. He was like a cat-boat 'buckin sail' in mid- ocean, up there on her back. When Paddy 's wife told the joyful news to her black 'Brothers' and 'Sisters', that her 'old man' had a queer looking harmonious wind bag, and after forcing Paddy to 'heave to' and begin-Paddy, soulfully squeezing out 'Home, Sweet Home '-six more greasy females annexed themselves to Paddy lVIurphy's matri- monial larder. And all Paddy could choke up was 'Wurra wurra, wurra, ' Time progressed slowly in our little continent, and it evidently seemed that the cannibal 's idolatry for that handkerchief was wearing, as was the kerchief itself. We would soon have to make our get- away, be rescued, or would have to 'give the cannibals their postponed feed. My companions and myself were at wits end as to a method of escape, at least from our betterhalves. We were so forlorn, that sev- eral times we suggested giving the sharks in the sea a juicy banquet. However, we never had the nerve to carry this out. One night, as I lay sleeping in the midst of my family, I dreamt of snakes. An immense Anaconda attacked me and was winding its death coils around my body, relieving me of my breath. I suddenly awoke with a yell, to feel about my waist, three of my 'wives', hug- ging me, and one more near choking me. The rest were sitting on me from head to foot. I gave one grand maniacal yell, jumped up, over

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A souri-i SEA EPISODE 17 not of the English speaking race. Just then one of our crew. inter- rupted and said, 'Say, Bill, that nigger wants you to -take his. wives 5 -I don 't think they 're his daughters. He is making this heartfelt sacri- fice because you put your godlike emblem on his roof'. l was about to object sternly when he again continued, 'Take them, old shipmate, unless you and the rest of us want to be cookedf. 1 suddenly realized the force of his words and motioned to my awaiting presenter. I gently tapped him on the head, as much as to say, 'I'll accept your matrimonial and homely offer., Thirteen women! He then called his soon to be mine family to him, and spoke some sort of lingo to them,-then-the whole crew of them made one grand rush for me,-their new found hubby. Soon they had me down and here one grabbed a hand full of my yellow hair and another somehow suc- ceeded in taking off my boots. Two more were busily engaged in rub- bing their noses on my cheeks while I felt another tickling my ear with a straw. Still another was rubbing my stomach as if I had the jim jams. Anyway, the Whole kaboodle were busy demonstrating their aifection. My expostulations, or whatever you call 'em, were to them, like Chinese was to us, and kicking was harmless, so I had to stand, or lay, there for it. After each one had secured a coveted booty, Qmy pants, singlet and nerve were all but gonej they took me, not by the hand, but bodily, into that house over which my flag of royalty waved. Their monstrous hands were strong and greasy. U gh! it felt like struggling in a ship 's hold of freshly caught fish. In the meantime my other comrades were given a bounty of two wives per man and taken to their respective homes. Oh, I thot, if only some ship should pass and search this island, saving us from this misery. Escape! But that was impossible. Our boat had been washed back into the sea, and there was no chance of our being picked up anyway, once in the open waters. I banished all hope from mind and waited for the coming of Mistress Opportunity. Once inside the thatched fmansion' they proceeded at once to make me, to all appearances, a cannibal of their own color and dress. I was shed of my civilized garb and given the clothes and ornaments of the male members of their tribe, consisting of a leafy girdle, several wooden arm bracelets, a wooden nosering that I fixed so it would spring on my nose, and many strings of beads. I was forced, yes forced, to don these, even tho I objected forcibly, but what chance do you suppose I had with thirteen female 'giantess' against me? After I was dressed in my stunning costume, they proceeded to 'tan my hide', no, not with a strap, but with some dark berry juice. After this process, I was taken in the open, where the torrid sun was allowed to dance on me and dry out newly acquired skin. The heat of Old Sol soon burnt round blisters on my bared back. I grinned and bore this next misery as best I could and every time one of my similar bedecked but unblistered shipmates would clout me on one of those beauty spots, and remark, 'How is the wife and family ', I'd tell him that I thot of him in plain English. Three days later those blisters broke, or better yet, exploded. And, oh my, talk about smarting, why, I think I'd prefer being hung to the yard arm, than go thru that again. '4About a week later, April first, as I figured it out, my blistered

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A SOUTH SEA EPISODE 19 went my family, and I headed for the blue waters, determined to end it all. '4What was my surprise, when I arrived there, to find my twelve mates, ready to launch a raft, they had been secretly making, how I know not, these thirteen weary weeks. And here those bloomin', bleedin' shipmates were prepared to quit their misery and leave me to mine. Why? 'Tis another thing I know not I threatened to call out the 'town' if they refused me a passage on their raft. 0f course they agreed, and as time was valuable, we piled in, shoved off, and set sail-for any place. We could hear the howl of our disappointed friends on shore when a mile or so out, but we resolved to feed the sharks before we woud go back there. '4We were picked- Bang! some one crashed into the saloon door swinging it violently. 'Into the room burst a hilarious sailor, sea-bag slung over his back. As he approached the group of sailors, Bill burst out with: HWell, by the holy pinktoed prophet, if it ain't 'Mad Bob' him- self. Put her here, matey, he exclaimed, as he rose, extending his gnarled fist. Mad Robert 's eyes opened wide as he shoved his mitt into Bi1l's. I c'This is luck, by Jehosaphatf' he said. t'Haven't seen Bill for thirteen years, sailed on a three years' cruise to the east coast of Africa with him! he exclaimed to the remainder of the salts. When did you get in? asked Bill. Leggo anchor about half an hour ago. Just came off the 'Las- sie Jean,' thirteen months from Rio Janeiro. Hit a dead calm half way thru the straits. Thirteen weeks we lay to until a wind struck up. Then for thirteen days we had a h- of a storm. Lost our mainm'st and mizzenms't and drowned thirteen 0' the crew. Well, I'm home now, so let the Old Pacific roar. Bill Russell 'smiled out loud' as did the other salts as Hthirteenn cropped out again. 'LWell, mates, Bill said, let's have a 'tarpaulin muster'g and drink to the health of 'Thirteen', shipmates with me on the 'Dark Sea' and shipmates with fMad Bob' on the 'Lassie Jeanf