Mount Vernon High School - Forum Yearbook (Mount Vernon, OH)

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28 THE FORUM tired of this. Let 's let the rest drift as best they can. I'm going driving. Now, before you go there are one or two little points which must be settled. All right, but hurry up. Give me a couple to dispose of 5 I'll do it up in fine style. Very well, there 's Grace Strang, what about her? Oh, that's easy. She 'll be married in two or three months and will be driven insane by her nine children. Iim tired of being kind to these people, they don 't ap- preciate it when you are. Then she'll be left a widow. Black is very becoming to her, don't you know. That ought to console her. I think you rc mean. You aren't nice to the girls at all. But they can always count on me to help them. I've a great idea . Now, there 's that Frances Chew, she is crazy about Domestic Science. She will invent a new auto paro domees, a great machine which not only mixes and cooks all food and does all the sweeping and dusting but also feeds and clothes the people. That will simplify matters a little. I think I'll get one joke at least out of this, said the deformed Hephaestus. Ethel Simmons has been making a tour through Bangs, Hunt Station and Mar- tinsburg where she has been collecting material for a book entitled Personal Experiences in Extensive Travelling in America, which will be published next June. Then, too, there 's Anita Wrentzel, she will fall in love with one of the lion- tamers in F orepaugh and Sell's circus, run away and become a famous bareback rider. That's enough for you, Hephaetus. You haven't got sense enough to- I guess I'1l get one of the fellows too. I've kept still all this time while you've been trying to marry them all off and now I'm going to do as I please. Ralph Jen- kins can shock the natives of Mt. Vernon by starting a poker joint and will become a rival to J. D. Rockefeller with all the millions he gains. Does that satisfy you? No, it doesn't, but then that's all the good it does. You'd ruin all mankind if you could. I tell you I'm going to have one learned person out of this class. Har- vard will be in great need of a Latin pro- fessor in 1914 and one of the eminent members, renowned far and wide for his great wisdom, oratorical genius and knowledge of Latin,-John Gotshall,- will fill the place and rise to even greater prominence on account of his wonder- ful ability. He will- Then was heard a great roaring, whir- ring and rushing followed by sounds as of a great confusion. A voice broke out: Well, what under heaven is the mat- ter with you, Hermes, and what is it you have with you? Oh, it 's too horrible for words. As I was flying in the clouds above the ocean I saw one of these new seven-passenger aeroplanes invented by a fellow by the name of West coming across above the water filled with pretty girls. There were six of them and the driver, whom I rec- organized as Dean McKee. Suddenly two of them got into a very heated argument as to whether skirts were to be two yards around the bottom or three. Coming closer I perceived they were the renowned debaters Faye Thomas and Besse Patter- son. The debate waxed more fierce 'till they came to blows when alas! in the midst of the first combat when Besse made a fierce lunge at Faye, over went the whole thing and all the pretty girls were dumped into the sea. Poor Olive Snow and Jennie Hildebrand were drowned but I've turned them into mermaids.

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THE FORUM 27 her future, said Diana eagerly. That's all O. K. with me. Has anyone any objections? -Silence. Well, that 's settled then. But what about Mable Cole- man? Wasn't it decided that she should play in the Metropolitan Opera house when Beulah Doelfs appears there as- No, that isn't it at all. Beulah is to play That Slender Mayde in the Prince of Gibraltar, written by Vivian Dowds and set to music by Mable Coleman. Mon- roe Kaufman will lead the orchestra. Of course, all this Won't happen right away. It's lovely to be able to blend together the destinies of these classmates. It 's too bad that we can 't spare some one to ac- company Portia Wagner to her Mission in Shanghai. Well, why can't we? asked Diana. I think those poor Chinese need a school teacher dreadfully. Why not send Mary Blair with her and let her teach the Chi- nese with the aid of the Bartlett 's Peda- gogy Newly Systemized? Or you might have her marry and take her husband- suggested Venus. Oh, I wish you would keep still about marriage a few minutes! That's all you can talk. You ought to be content at hav- ing that pretty Grace Faddis marry an old French count just for his title. It seems to me that it's rather a shame that you couldn't have given her a better fate. Af- ter all that money was left to her she could have done a lot of real good work, if you hadn't insisted on an old count- No one expects you to understand anything about love. You 're just jealous because no one is in love with you. Silence! shouted Zeus. If this quibbling isn't stopped l'll dismiss the council. Well, if you didn it always let Aphro- dite have her way- Keep still, will you? I- Then came a sound of great confusion, followed by a voice which I had not heard before but which I had decided was Ceres. What, quoth she, what means that cloud of dust appearing like a speck on the horizon? See it advances! What a dreadful noise is makes. Suddenly with a great burst of speed a thing traversed the plains toward me, mowing down trees, houses, telephone poles and everything else that happened in its way. As it neared us I could make out an ominous and complex shape with oscillating pistons, whirring cams inter- mingled with a bunch of indescribable ma- chinery which would strike awe into the timid readers. Then changing gears the thing extended two bat-like Wings on either side, and leaping into the air with a bound, it soared and circled gracefully around, finally alighting at the front door of the oracle. Emerging from an entan- glement of ropes, straps, cables, etc., stepped a youth who bore a worried ex- pression on his countenance. On peering closer at his physiognomy I recognized him at once as being George Hookway, the renowned inventor of Copyrighted, Dirigible, Double-breasted, Seamless, Har- vester, Reaper and Mower. I then heard a noise as if rain were falling but I was mistaken for it turned out to be the pattering foot-falls of one Mr. H. Carey, the famed dancer, who learned the pro- fession at the Y. M. C. A. Professor Hook- way realizing the necessity of a person who could move quickly from one place to another had utilized Mr. Cary for an equilibrator. Crash! Then an omnious silence. Then the deep bass voice of Zeus thundered forth in mandatory tone, This is what comes of that fool idea of yours of having such a young man rise to glory too soon. Now he's dead and his great invention lost to the world. Oh, well, that's only one mortal gone anyway so what's the diHf. I'm getting

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THE FORUM 29 I caught these lovely maids in mid-air and brought them with me. Their names are Ruth Mitchell and Helen Chew. Then jealous Hera spoke out quickly, I surely will have to keep my eyes on Zeus now! But what about the two de- baters? Their argument was so heated that it kept them above water. They were floating along shaking their fists and screaming at each other when I saw them last. I move we drive them to a wild and desolate shore and let them teach debating to the wild beasts there. What think you of that plan? A noble brain for vengeance you have, my noble Hermes. And now but one remains and she deserves an awful fate. She has tried to make the people laugh but how completely she has failed -alas! is all too plain. Send her to a place where she will be compelled to do this always. But I must be going, I've an ap- pointment With Cupid in twenty-five sec- onds, so, good-bye, I'm oif. Then everyone seemed to have departed and a grewsome silence fell about me, I suddenly arose with a start. Had I been dreaming had it really been the gods whom I had heard talking? I really could not settle in my mind what it had been until I reached home four months later and heard that great scandal still noised abroad that Anita Wrentzel had gone with the circus and then I knew it was all too true. Alas! what fate awaits some of my classmates! I is 'A -- E , 'Tim m :YVYYIYYYVWV - , 1 ll' i -I ZOE 1 S V 505 E 93 i I ' I V el? glp 1 Y ' 4-'Z A - fi. , I .A-11 1:1-1 ,Ia ,,,,,. zxilw wm- I ig- , . in 1 - 4. ' N fn fl!! 3' l nr ln. Vw! Xxx 'll .' s ,: .sg ,-3,1 v . -,.' -5 Q 1 - .U IH: , - --, ,x , ,- ,, . - .:.ftg.yg..-,::.. ' 12. mu 1 ' 350.9541 A I 1 ' 23402 -'Z ,, . B. Jazz, ngf Q'