Mount Vernon High School - Forum Yearbook (Mount Vernon, OH)

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THE FORUM 27 her future, said Diana eagerly. That's all O. K. with me. Has anyone any objections? -Silence. Well, that 's settled then. But what about Mable Cole- man? Wasn't it decided that she should play in the Metropolitan Opera house when Beulah Doelfs appears there as- No, that isn't it at all. Beulah is to play That Slender Mayde in the Prince of Gibraltar, written by Vivian Dowds and set to music by Mable Coleman. Mon- roe Kaufman will lead the orchestra. Of course, all this Won't happen right away. It's lovely to be able to blend together the destinies of these classmates. It 's too bad that we can 't spare some one to ac- company Portia Wagner to her Mission in Shanghai. Well, why can't we? asked Diana. I think those poor Chinese need a school teacher dreadfully. Why not send Mary Blair with her and let her teach the Chi- nese with the aid of the Bartlett 's Peda- gogy Newly Systemized? Or you might have her marry and take her husband- suggested Venus. Oh, I wish you would keep still about marriage a few minutes! That's all you can talk. You ought to be content at hav- ing that pretty Grace Faddis marry an old French count just for his title. It seems to me that it's rather a shame that you couldn't have given her a better fate. Af- ter all that money was left to her she could have done a lot of real good work, if you hadn't insisted on an old count- No one expects you to understand anything about love. You 're just jealous because no one is in love with you. Silence! shouted Zeus. If this quibbling isn't stopped l'll dismiss the council. Well, if you didn it always let Aphro- dite have her way- Keep still, will you? I- Then came a sound of great confusion, followed by a voice which I had not heard before but which I had decided was Ceres. What, quoth she, what means that cloud of dust appearing like a speck on the horizon? See it advances! What a dreadful noise is makes. Suddenly with a great burst of speed a thing traversed the plains toward me, mowing down trees, houses, telephone poles and everything else that happened in its way. As it neared us I could make out an ominous and complex shape with oscillating pistons, whirring cams inter- mingled with a bunch of indescribable ma- chinery which would strike awe into the timid readers. Then changing gears the thing extended two bat-like Wings on either side, and leaping into the air with a bound, it soared and circled gracefully around, finally alighting at the front door of the oracle. Emerging from an entan- glement of ropes, straps, cables, etc., stepped a youth who bore a worried ex- pression on his countenance. On peering closer at his physiognomy I recognized him at once as being George Hookway, the renowned inventor of Copyrighted, Dirigible, Double-breasted, Seamless, Har- vester, Reaper and Mower. I then heard a noise as if rain were falling but I was mistaken for it turned out to be the pattering foot-falls of one Mr. H. Carey, the famed dancer, who learned the pro- fession at the Y. M. C. A. Professor Hook- way realizing the necessity of a person who could move quickly from one place to another had utilized Mr. Cary for an equilibrator. Crash! Then an omnious silence. Then the deep bass voice of Zeus thundered forth in mandatory tone, This is what comes of that fool idea of yours of having such a young man rise to glory too soon. Now he's dead and his great invention lost to the world. Oh, well, that's only one mortal gone anyway so what's the diHf. I'm getting

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26 THE FORUM voice, sweet toned and powerful with the persuasiveness of eloquence. Poor fel- low, its a shame but then this matter of parallel lines has to be proven. He will at least gain great renown in the next generation tho he die a poor man in this. There's so little romance in these modern days that we must make the most of it all. Now Berta and Earl must be married. Oh, Aphrodite, you make me tired! You're the silliest thing I ever heard of. No wonder girls haven't any sense with such a sentimental thing as you for an example. Still I've found two or three girls who are sensible enough to think as I do. Now there 's Hazel Graff, Mary Mochwart and Alma Lepley, who I will compel to take my vow of perpetual maidenhoodf' said Diana. Then the mighty Zeus spoke, Of course you all know that Mary Ewing is to be a spiritualist. Thru dreams she will tell what great events are going to happen. She will be hired to go as an assistant to General Englehardt in his campaigns. I guess that at least is agreed upon by everyone . But what about Verna Salis- bury? What is she to do? Shall she be at the head of the Salvation Army or appear in the Gigglers? Really now, it seems to me that there is no one who can take her place as a worker in the army of Salvation while there are plenty who are well fitted for the stage. Now there's Besse Van Voor- his. You all know how she starred last year in that Merchant of Venice written by that man whom they claimed to be im- mortal. Well, do as you please about that, I've a very serious matter to put before this assembly. Now over in America there are thousands of children working in shops, factories and cotton iields. It has to be stopped and it seems to me that we have the very person to help us in Anna Black. You know how well she plead this case on March the twenty- ninth. A good suggestion. And there's that matter of vivisection that I'd like to have settled. This cruelty to animals is hor- rible. Now there 's no infiuence on earth as great as a woman's, you'll all admit, and it seems to me that it would be a good plan to put some one, say Vernice Phu- lips, who has expressed her sympathy, toward us at the head of the movement for its abolishmentf' Oh that 's so uninteresting! Why don't these mortals do things like the ancients used to? It was just a circus to sit up here and watch the Trojans and the Greeks ghting down there at Troy- so romantic too. This was the god of war who spoke Well, I for my part thank heaven that people are not as they used to be. But now is our busy time of the year, so don 't Waste any more time ruminating over old times. Let's decide about that Leon Zeisloft next. I think he had better have a printing establishment in New York, and publish that magazine, The Snail, edited by Hazel Kirkpatrick. They will both gain great renown thru the articles published in it on Influence. He doesn't have to be a bachelor does he? It would be a shame to spoil that charming romance of his, interrupted Venus. Do as you please about that but don 't interrupt. We 've only an hour to determine what shall be done with the other twenty-five of the class, so hurry up. Now there's Louise Sperry. Has anyone anything particular they would like to have her do? Oh, she's perfectly grand in chem- istry. A regular shark. She shall be a chemist of great renown. 1 will attend to

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28 THE FORUM tired of this. Let 's let the rest drift as best they can. I'm going driving. Now, before you go there are one or two little points which must be settled. All right, but hurry up. Give me a couple to dispose of 5 I'll do it up in fine style. Very well, there 's Grace Strang, what about her? Oh, that's easy. She 'll be married in two or three months and will be driven insane by her nine children. Iim tired of being kind to these people, they don 't ap- preciate it when you are. Then she'll be left a widow. Black is very becoming to her, don't you know. That ought to console her. I think you rc mean. You aren't nice to the girls at all. But they can always count on me to help them. I've a great idea . Now, there 's that Frances Chew, she is crazy about Domestic Science. She will invent a new auto paro domees, a great machine which not only mixes and cooks all food and does all the sweeping and dusting but also feeds and clothes the people. That will simplify matters a little. I think I'll get one joke at least out of this, said the deformed Hephaestus. Ethel Simmons has been making a tour through Bangs, Hunt Station and Mar- tinsburg where she has been collecting material for a book entitled Personal Experiences in Extensive Travelling in America, which will be published next June. Then, too, there 's Anita Wrentzel, she will fall in love with one of the lion- tamers in F orepaugh and Sell's circus, run away and become a famous bareback rider. That's enough for you, Hephaetus. You haven't got sense enough to- I guess I'1l get one of the fellows too. I've kept still all this time while you've been trying to marry them all off and now I'm going to do as I please. Ralph Jen- kins can shock the natives of Mt. Vernon by starting a poker joint and will become a rival to J. D. Rockefeller with all the millions he gains. Does that satisfy you? No, it doesn't, but then that's all the good it does. You'd ruin all mankind if you could. I tell you I'm going to have one learned person out of this class. Har- vard will be in great need of a Latin pro- fessor in 1914 and one of the eminent members, renowned far and wide for his great wisdom, oratorical genius and knowledge of Latin,-John Gotshall,- will fill the place and rise to even greater prominence on account of his wonder- ful ability. He will- Then was heard a great roaring, whir- ring and rushing followed by sounds as of a great confusion. A voice broke out: Well, what under heaven is the mat- ter with you, Hermes, and what is it you have with you? Oh, it 's too horrible for words. As I was flying in the clouds above the ocean I saw one of these new seven-passenger aeroplanes invented by a fellow by the name of West coming across above the water filled with pretty girls. There were six of them and the driver, whom I rec- organized as Dean McKee. Suddenly two of them got into a very heated argument as to whether skirts were to be two yards around the bottom or three. Coming closer I perceived they were the renowned debaters Faye Thomas and Besse Patter- son. The debate waxed more fierce 'till they came to blows when alas! in the midst of the first combat when Besse made a fierce lunge at Faye, over went the whole thing and all the pretty girls were dumped into the sea. Poor Olive Snow and Jennie Hildebrand were drowned but I've turned them into mermaids.