Mount Pleasant High School - Derrick Yearbook (Mount Pleasant, MI)

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.ff 571 5'-i:i-ee ' X, 4,477 r ? 'Z A 1. as ' :sf ' ,f5:fQ?S2l4'i5,f4T34-3 'fir is 4 1 1 .. . . , The Case Dr. Bilcox, R. S. V. P., the famous preacher-lawyer, will plead for the defendant an cshagge of insanity, self-defense and the fact that Lynch was not able to speak for imse . Dr. Bilcox is possibly one of the best known characters in the community, hav- ing existed here all his life, and now being a prominent candidate for county census taker. His influence will have a great bearing on the outcome of the trial. The prosecuting attorney will base this case on cruelty to Lilliputian humans. The jury has not been selected, and until then the case can not come off. Comins being held on a bale of S10.00. Coroner Axtell's verdict will be the chief point for the defense. Axtell is a very conscientious coroner and undertaker'and expects to make his trial funeral the feta of the season. Jokes Mr. Sicard: Entering Lewis's Clothing Store, and asks, Have you any white duck T Clerk: Beg pardon sir, but this isn't a poultry store. Miss Zimmer: Can you drive with one hand? Mr.- You bet I can. Miss Zimmer: Then have an apple. Miss Hannon: Waiter, this steak is terribly tough. Waiter: Sorry, Miss but we are not responsible for the morals of our food. Usher Qin movielz Where do you want to sit? Up front, half back or in the back? Miss Rank: If you please sir, I'd like to sit down. Miss McArdle: I was a big gun in college. Jack P.: I didn't hear a very big report. Higgs fin drug storej: I want a little pink tablet. Druggist: What's your trouble? Higgs: I want to write a letter. Mrs. Ganiard met a young lady friend while walking down the street and they stopped for a few minutes to converse. Lady Friend: I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours. Mrs. G. E. G.: Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair. Lady Friend: But your husband is still alive. , Mrs. G. E. G.: Yes, but his hair is gone. At the basketball tournament at Lansing Coach Johnson entered a restaurant, and as the pretty waitress glided up to his table to get his order he remarked: Nice day, little one. Yes, it is, she replied, And so was yesterday, and my name is Ella, and I know I'm a lovely girl and have pretty blue eyes, and I've been here quite a while, and I like the place, and my wages are satisfactory and I don't think there's a show or dance in town'tonight, and if there was I wouldn't go with you. I'm from the country and I'm a respectable girl, and my brother is the cook, in this restaurant, and he was a college football player and weighs 300 pounds: last week he pretty nearly ruined a S25-a-week traveling man who tried to make a date with meg now what'll you have, roast beef, roast pork, Irish stew, hamburger or fried liver ? P889 llithb-nine

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,1- S w - - 5- - it :li E 2 - , j -' I E 5 liz' '? .Eli E Z V S4 e. 5. .fa - .-. ' Q fl .IE Murder CITIZENS of Mt. Pleasant witnessed one of the most desperate fights ever seen here when Edward Lynch, street cleaner, and Jim Comins, railroad fire-man found they could not settle their grievances by diplomacy and returned to stone age methods tp .appiase their anger. Lynch is now lying in the village morgue awaiting c alman s. The story as gleaned from the bystanders who were brave enough to remain near or who were too scared to run, claims that it was one of the most bloodless and heart- rending mixings ever seen or heard of in the township. The Story in Detail. Our official reporter in an interview with a cripple who could not get away, ob- tained this story. Edward Lynch was calmly sweeping the street when Jim Comins came along and stumbled over a cigarette stub. He reprimanded the street cleaner for not having shot the snipe. Lynch stooped to pick up the willie and upon rising brushed the leg of Comins' trousers with his broom. He begged Comins humble pardon and started to brush off the soiled member, but in doing so he dropped his can of snoose. On turn- ing to pick up the can, Lynch caught Comins on the head with his broom. Comins said that the broom handle was longer than prescribed by law and that if it had been within the limit his head would not have been struck. The pavement duster retorted that because he was short he had been given a special privilege to use a long handle broom and that if Comins did not like it he would have to keep out of the way. Comins withheld his over-taxed temper and informed the little man that he could walk any place he wanted to at any time and that no fore-shortened, super-reduced street custodian could in any way hinder his progress and also that Lynch would have to apologize or suffer humiliation of having his nose pinched by the aggrieved party. The resolute shorty, not daunted by such boasting, and, angered by the degrading in- sinuations as to his stature, firmly refused to apologize, saying no man on two legs would do so. He also boasted that he had fought on the Ypres Salient front at the battle of Chateau Thierry and that no man could tell him what to do. The big fire- man realizing that it would be unsportsmanslike and unhealthy to press his suit told the brave young man not to monkey with his superiors. The minute battler told the giant coal-heaver to start something, also stuck his tongue out at him. The massive juggler of black diamonds drew it at Lynch who dodged it, gave a counter blow with his broom, missing Comins, who ducked breaking a lamp post into 1,729 cubic pieces. This was more than Comins had expected and thus he did not know exactly what to do. He then completely lost all his self-control, all his respect for Lynch and his regard for the safety of the bystanders, and with one graceful motion plucked a street car rail from the pavement and after twirling it around four times, struck Lynch over the head, doing no harm to the man's skull but driving his feet into the ground five and seven-thirty seconds inches. The receiver of this terrible blow threw up the sponge not being able to kick the bucket. By this time the constable, deputy sheriff, justice of peace, and Coroner Fred Axtell, had arrived on the scene with an armed guard of angry and determined citizens. Comins, seeing what he had done, sat down, com- menced to cry. The citizens crept up and planted a machine gun directly upon the slayer so that when the constable demanded his immediate and resistless surrender, he could do not other but abide by the command of his limb of the law. Coroner's Inquest At the coroner's inquest this afternoon both the defendant and the deceased claimed they were fighting in self-defense. Lynch was unable to answer any of Coroner Axtell's questions, but Comins launched forth into a speech that would have made Bryan hide himself, or Geo. W. Egan turn green with envy. Coroner Axtell, who is a very judicious man, said that Comins should be held for exterminating the life of a human in the 13th degree. Lynch has had no claimants so no arrangements have been made for burial. Page Eighty-eight

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1:32. N 1355 ' , 4 14 gi: ,S Q fs i 4 2 12 X :L-if :lux S gl I .. , ' f f - '- Ag, 3 E gurl' .5 1.13.5 5 - '- - - ' - :f F 5 E .ae 5.2 gui 5 J is 1 mnjfiifrfsilqf 2 31 2:5 Jokes Violet Goodwin: Oh, I wish these recipes would be more definite. Richard Bilcox: What's the difficulty my dear? Violet Goodwin: This one tells how to use up old potatoes, but it does not say how old the potatoes must be. Senior: Did you hold the mirror to her face to see if she was still breathing? ffsreshmanz Yes, and she opened one eye, gasped and reached for her powder pu . Jack Pierson: I hear that Old Skinflint tried to cheat your dad. Russell Stinson: How's that? Jack Pierson: Just before he died he buried his face in his hands. Miss Thompson: A scientist said we ought to eat food that will develop the cranium. Can any one suggest a menu? Bright Student: Noodle soup, head cheese, cocoanut pie. Winifred Walsh: You know Freed, I always speak as I think. Freed Egbert: Yes, dear-only oftener. That's the guy I'm laying for muttered the hen as the farmer crossed the yard. Johnny Chamberlain: Does your fountain pen leak all the time? Joseph Van Wie: No, only when I have ink in it. Miss Grohe: fIn sentence construction, readingj Luella was swinging in the hammock. What is 'in the hammock,' Bessie? Bessie B.: Why Luella of course. Helen Dersnah: Are you going to hand your baby picture in to the Zook? Student: No, I haven't one. Helen D.: Why don't you have one taken? Mr. Higgs: fin Speedwriting classy Can you hear me if I sit here and dictate? Student's reply: No, stand over here by the door. Mr. Higgs: Oh, I can'tg this morning I broke my belt. 77 We imagine that at Mr. Forhan's estate four or five of the bushes are spirea. I hear Bill was thrown out of college for cribbingf' uYep!n What happened? He sneezed while he was taking an exam in Russian and they threw him out for conjugating a verb. It will all come out in the wash, said the contractor as he looked at the bridge he had just built. Cha Doin'? Makin' up jokes. Workin' for some magazine? Naw-in a beauty parlor. Among My Lady Friends Are: The hangman's daughter-she knows the ropes. The garbageman's daughter-we have swill times together. The telephone operator--she has an awful line, always busy. The moron-she thinks one plays poker with Saratoga chips. The women who came to a make-up exam with rouge and lipstick. That person who wanted to know if Italian fiappers are called guinea hens. The patriot who thought the Japanese national anthem was, California Here I ome. C The home girl who thought that Peter Pan was a new kitchen utensil. The liar who thought that a falsehood was a wig. Conductor: Your fare, Miss? Miss: Do you really think so? Phyllis M.: I'd like to do something big and clean before I die. Ruth Mc: Well, why don't you wash an elephant? Page Ninety