Moorestown Friends High School - Cupola Yearbook (Moorestown, NJ)

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MOORESTOWN IRONICLE Volume 79 July 5, 1966 Number 22 LARGE RANCH OWNER SUED John Ellis was sued in court for holding a monopoly of western ranches. In my opinion , said the presidingr judge. it is illegal for one man to have a monopoly of most of the land in five states . NEW SUBWAY Charles Rose, city manager of Houston, Texas, announced today that Charlotte Service will be chief engineer in the construction 01' Houstotis new South Sty sub- way. TATTER-TALE Mr. Alfred L. Deyo, author of a new type history book in com- plete outline form. went into a coma yesterday afternoon when several tattered pieces of paper fluttered out an open window, The scraps later proved to be his forty. year-old history notes. PAIL-BIRD Edward Patterson was indicted today by the Grand Jury at Mount Holly for stealing school supplies valued at $102.63. janitor at the Public School. was apprehended in Camden. In his possession were Patterson, a eighteen mops, twenty-three pails. seven soap brushes, and a take of Palmolive. These were itlentilied by school principal Kathryn Smith. POLITICAL BON VOYAGE The Misses Mary Griinley and Patricia Staekhouse have left for the interior of lntlia to study the curly tailed elephant and its effect on the chances Of a 6.0.1,. victory in 1968. A ROSE BY ANY NAME Laurence Bliss. 11129013 an- nounced that next year, for the first time in 25 years. garbage will he collected from the rear 0i lkloorestown's instead of front the curb as of now. homes SCHOOL DISAPPEARS 'i'he alumni of RLFS. learned with regret that their former alma mater is no more. Through the years the school has been grad- ually sinking into the earth. Re- turning for their twentieth re- union. the alumni were horrified to discover that the school hatl dis- appeared. Mr. Reagan. the aged headmaster. was believed to hare gone down with the sinkingr school. SPEECHLESS Miss June Sutton, the local rep- resentative ol' the Daughters of the Radical Union of Newspaper Copy- writers Society to the U.N.O., made a statement on behalf of her or- ganilation, the DRUNCS, in the U.N.Ot capital today. Unforv tunately. the .only portion of her speech that we can print is, '1 thank you, my . . i friends . DOWNBEAT Mr. Robert Taylor had his first symphony performed by the Phila- delphia Orchestra last night. The symphony was composed from a variety of little melodies that Mr. Taylor whistled and throughout his NLFQ. XVhen asked to comment on his new success Mr. Taylor re- plietl. QAre you asking me or tell- , hummetl many years at lllfjr 11165 CRIMINAL ARRESTED Police in Casablanca report the arrest of Morse Archer. Archer, it will he remembered. is wanted in Ashtabula. Ohio. for a partittularly gruesmne set of murders with a fish knife. Archer is a boiler man on a Swedish freighter. NATIVES OUTNUMBER DOGS General George Krusen was re- lieved of his command in Samoa after an atomic bomb was uinad- Vertantly dropped on Kishiwishi lslantl. Three dogs and seren na- tixt-s were destroyed. 28 PEMBERTON POET The eminent David H. Doehlert returned recently from a trip around the world where he hatl been colleuingjr material for his set:- ontl book of verse which is to be entitled, ttDucks Alongr the Delae warei'. He hatl an unusual experi- ence in Milan, Italy, where his en- tire audience of elderly women fletl when Mr. Doehlert was imitat- ing bird mating calls. TRAGIC DEATH Miss Helen Meader was tragic- ally slain this noon when Morse Archer IV used tle before the present participle of the verb itto bei'. Her shrill cry of anguish caused numerous sound proofing blocks to fall from the ceiling upon her head. Before she could be rescued she was pelted to death in a manner most horrible. REFLECTIONS Miss Helen Hersperger walked into :1 Physics lab recently and acci- dentally stepped between a series of mirrors. Unfortunately she became inverted. Now she is truly an 1111- agetisty The best ell'orts 0f noted physicists have been to no avail in the attempt to right Miss Her- sperger. Miss Hersperger, however, is inclined to remain as she is. reading 1! backwards from the ceiling. She reports that Pensc mm her students appreciate Milton as never before. LATE SPORTS SOME WIN SOME LOSE Norman 'linrley, 0r hthe Rock . former wrestling champion, was slightly iniured by a car operated by Miss Nancy Smith. Miss Smith was released yesterday without bail. It is feared that Mr. Turley will recover. 977 TO COME Clilliord Clark pitched the Mum'estmvn Roosters to their 976th victory before an enthusiastic audi ence last night at Stiles Stadium.

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UNAWABES Nonchalance Mrs. DeKlyn is looking Shut the window. quick! Oooh, nasty! Two of a name, and two of a kind Identity The Vagabonds Luncheon Club Camoufiage Betty Bacall wmwwv Nude

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Moorestown Ironicle July 5, 1966 Page 2 SCIENTIFIC N EW . GATE TO ORIENT Miss Beatrice Kessler was :lcci- dcnlzilly blown from the seycnty- eighth floor of the Empire State Building yesterday when a uranium Kenneth Hurbaugh blew her all the build- lire-cracker released by ingr and down through a hole in the middle of the earth. Mr. Har- baugh unintentionally slid after her and the two are hCliCVCtl to have reached China. Miss jezmne Cranier. Chief ztse tronomer nt UVRI'OVO Obsermtory, has disclosed TCCClVlng :1 dispatch from Mars reporting; that the earth had been converted to u doughnut by Mr Hztrbaugh. NEW HATHAWAY CAR Theodore Hathaway. prominent numulacturcr, has announced that the l967 Hathaway car will feature a new radar device designed to warn of the approach of women drivers. llhe advantages of this are obvious, sztitl Mr. Hathaway. NEW TYPE STRIKE PLAN A number of eminent scientists have been summoned to material- ize Miss Melanie Morgan, in pri- vate life Barbara Bromley. who has been playingr the phantom part of Elyiru in Blithe .S'piril. Miss Mor- gan has refused I0 materialize 1m- tii her salary is doubled. Buy your second hand car from GIDEON, MACLACHAN, Inc. Our rats are easy to stari-just Icicle 1126711. THE HARVARD BRAIN Elizabeth l'enmle physicist at Harvard. was bitten Sclmde, lirst yesterday by her new invention. the Harvard Bruin. thilc scrambl- ing eggs. the machine turned on Dr. Sclmtlc. and she was unable to escape. ATTENTION MR. HERSHEY Dule Phillips has obtained :1 new brectl of cows which giyes Cbottulate milk. tDtm't ask us howU Fthnuntl Farrell wzts sererely in- when he W215 knocked down by a rutlur wzn'c ree jured late tmluy turning from Saturn. NEW DRUG TO BE TRIED Dr. Anne Held, noted rician, committed suicide yesterday radar- when she heard 01' the drug which restores people to life. MISS BARBARA BAGLEY is pleased to announce that her famous SCHOOL FOR LITTLE WAYWARD ONES will reopen in September. Dues ynur child rhru' mntllas? Does he insisi 0n ripping rugs? CALI, MORGAN 6-2222 SOCIETY ln Iicnolu yesterday. one David Harden, 257, was picked up on va- gruncy charges. Tayloris NEKV PICK-UP CANE No other cane like it! By simple linger pressure. stnall easily and indiscernibly be re- moved from store counters. 017R DEMAND IS GREAT, OI'R SLVPPLY LIMITED. Rush you order NOW! articles can C LEA VER REMEDY does live important things: 1. CERES corns RELIEVES COUGHS EAsm THAT trnucn FEEL- INC -l. GIVES YOU A RADIANT, SMOOTH COMPLEXION n. XVAxrs YOUR FLOOR TO A BEAUTIFUL SHINE. :ww KITCHEN SHIRLEYlS CORDON BLEU Delirious fresh frmdx in the miller odd manner that only illiss Shirley um do! Bring your relatives and ask for the llCIVRE . 904 Main Street Moorestown RHODA,S PUPPY MILLS Give your dog a vacation in the wilds of MAPLE SHADE WE GUARANTEE TO REVITA- LIZE YOUR DOG ON OUR WORLD RENOWN CARCASS- HACK GUARANTEE! Cull Maple Shade 7-7329 VITO RETARDO Is your dog 100 big for your frlnzz'lyK These amazing, sensational capsules will shrink even the largest Dane small enough to fit inside a watch crystal. 29