Monson Academy - Academy Bell Yearbook (Monson, MA)

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'Presently a beautiful, long, black custom-built limousine driven by two chauffeurs comes gliding down the street. lt is the big four of Monson , Dollars Rockefeller, Mint Vander- bilt, Greenback Astor, and Lippy Lipman. This combination has been doing very well. They have control of all garbage and ash companies from here to Singapore. Suddenly a blood-curdling scream is heard. Hundreds of girls have surrounded a man and are rapidly removing his possessions. The police arrive just in time to save movie idol Duke Littlefield from considerable embarrassment. Dukef' is so popular that he requires an armed body of men with him at all times, to protect him from his loving fans. Over to the right one sees the Monson library, one of the largest in the world. Millions of books are contained in its twenty-five floors. Suddenly from amidst a heap of books a man rises to stretch. It is Murph Levin, now President of Mucker University. Dave has received his degrees of M.D., B.S., M.S., Ph.D., B.A., B.O., T.S, and LL.D., and is now working for his L.S.M.F.T. just outside of the building, a car is seen speeding around a corner and smack into a pedestrian, as a camera flashes. It is Flash Bulb O'Malley, the man who can take a picture before it happens Ever since Dick left Monson Academy, he has been quite successful taking pictures. Another outstanding feature in Monson is its beautiful furniture stores. A crowd is gath- ered in front of one of the store windows and is watching a demonstration of a Bill Francis' beauty-rest. A Bill Francis beauty-rest is a wonderful bed. Press a button, and a tray of various drinks appears right next to the occupant. On one of these Bill Francis beauty-rests is a man who is showing the comforts of the bed. By now a huge crowd is watching. The man turns over, and it appears to be Charley Palmer. He's got the job he's always wanted. Another feature of Monsori is its fine churches, which have remained untouched throughout the years. One of the best ministers is the honorable Rev. P. T. Welch, who today stands as one of the great leaders in his community and the world. Picking up the midnight edition of the Monson Times, one sees that the latest news in the sports world is that Mucker University has just won the National Basketball Championship by beating the International All Stars 99-98 The Muckers were led by its outstanding stars Willie Martin, a lad who sinks the ball from anywhere, and Doc Aronson, the fellow who makes the basketball disappear at will. They anticipated some trouble with the outstanding guard, Homer Chase, who chalked up 41 points, but between Aronson's 50 points and Martin's 49 points they encountered little difficulty. Presently a line of people is seen. Following it, for sixteen blocks, we come finally to the Monson World Play House, where the great Broadway hit Hey Baba-re-ba is playing. The main attraction of the show is that dynamic personality, the beauty of stage, screen, radio, tele- vision, radar, telephone, and telegraph, known by all on the land, sea, and air, the sensational Snookie Rogers, who is supported by a cast of two hundred. All box office records have been broken as the marvelous Snookie packs in a full house every performance, Standing outside waiting to get in is a man with crutches. It is none other than Elihu Ankles Martin, all-American football, basketball, baseball, soccer, track, hockey, polo, rugby, lacrosse, tennis, golf, pool, ping-pong, billiards, and chess champion. Eli is out of action at the moment due to the fact that while battling dean Murph Levin for the checker championship of the world he became excited, slipped off his chair, and sprained his ankle. And all this, ladies and gentlemen, is considered as just another average day in Monson.

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f CLASS PROPHECY It is another average 1956 day in Monson. The same large crowds are shopping about the beautiful spacious department stores. Streams of rocket cars roar through the subterra- nean passages as usual. The noon express to San Francisco has just passed over. Yes, its just another average day. - As Monson represents one of the leading cities of the U. S., let us spend a little time in looking over places of interest in this glorious metropolis. One of the outstanding attractions in Monson is its world-famous Monson Academy, known internationally as a great place of learning, and for the great men that it has produced in past years. This institution has brought forth such outstanding citizens as Mark Cohen, who is one of the leading dentists of the world today. His expression This won't hurt a bit is a by-word among dentists of the world. Another of the Academy's notables is that outstanding comedian of stage, screen, and radio, the man who is setting the world on fire with his hot gags and pantomime, Mickey Green . Mick at the present time is appearing at the Garden Theatre, where he had them rolling in the aisles till the usher took his dice away. Mickey's latest picture, Road to Homestead , is a scream. Don't miss itl One of today's outstanding athletes in the basketball world, Homer Chase, known by all as the sensational performer of the world-famous International All Stars,. is another of this great Academy's proteges. Next of interest in the metropolitan area are its fine theatres. The Monson Palladium's seating capacity of 2U,0UO, largest in the world, is run by the movie magnate duo of Bob Waugh and Dave Caplan. They feature this week on the stage Flute Swirsky and his jump band which has taken the U. S. by storm. Their rendition of the nation's number one hit Rocket Ship Blues is really something to be seen and heard. After the show a crowd is gathering at the corner. The crowd is getting larger by the minute. All traffic for blocks around has been stopped. Everything is in an uproar. The center of attraction is a man who has the largest crop of hair ever seen on a human head. It seems as though he is selling a tonic to people which is actually supposed to grow hair overnight. Looking more closely at him, we find him to be Baldy Thomas, who is making a mint with his new discovery. A siren is heard and a squad car of police arrive at the scene to break up the crowd. Out of the car jumps a big red-faced cop, waving a huge club at Baldy and yelling to his men to start the crowd moving. Yes, it's the efficient police captain of Precinct 47, Goldy Goldman, who has made so many arrests that five new jails had to be erected to hold his offenders. Moving away from this strife, one comes upon a beautiful restaurant, which has on the top of it a huge electric sign which reads, All you can hold for Sl.0U . The proprietor, Al Smiley, is doing very well. He uses midget waiters to make the sandwiches look bigger. Across from Al's diner is the Elite Taxi service, run by Bob Bishop. Bob now runs regular service from Monson to Palmer in his beautiful polka-dot, yellow-trimmed rocket cars. In Bob's office there is the latest issue of Oomph comics. On the back of the book is a familiar body. Under it it reads, I was once a 187-pound weakling. Look at me now, 130 lbs. of solid muscle You, too, can become as L have, if you remit Sl0U.OO to the Hayward course. A real body- bender course. Yes, it's our old friend, Bob Hayward. Out in the street a huge roar is heard, and the sky becomes black as it storms. No, it's just another of Eddie Ellis' stratosphere ships making its daily trip to the moon. This ship passes over every day at this hour. Yes, this Monson is a wonderful place. Some of the world's finest hotels are situated in this city. At every fifth block one may enter or see one of the famous Kelly Hotels, where everything is deluxe. Their owner, lim Kelly, features hot and cold running chamber maids. Every room is equipped with three water pipes - one for the hot water, one for the cold water, and one to pound on when the other two refuse to work. Wonderful establishment. Next to this eighty-eight story building is Haetinger's Hamburger Hacienda. This place is quite renowned for its unique food. The main dish being served is roast horse meat de la carte. Dick serves free meals to all veterans of the Great Wars. One of its most ardent customers is Eth-a Lonczak, who has yet to miss a meal. Ed has been doing research work for Chicopee High. It seems the school disappeared in a storm l t year, and so Eth-a is still looking for it.

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