Monroe High School - Monrovian Yearbook (West Manchester, OH)

Page 32 text:

Senior R Officers PRESIDENT Peggy Trump V TREASURER Linda Giiberr 5 R VICE-PRESIDENT Gary Bell SECRETARY virginia King 1 wi -f 2 fi Hey Mom! I think he likes me! hh. Caught again. I can fix anything. Please. let us win. -1

Page 31 text:

As I gaze out the window I see a van pull up. On the side of the van there are letters in bold print, WILT FLOWERS. Marc Collier, still restlessly pacing, offers a helping hand to MISS CONNIE WILT and her assistant, PRISCILLA SPARKS. As the van pulls away, ALLEN SHAFFER and PEGGY TRUMP come thundering up on their cycles, Allen, who is a member of the local chapter of Hell's Angels, and Peggy, who is now a test driver for the durability of Ford Trucks, are not greeted very warmly as they enter the chapel. You see, last night Allen, on his cycle, and Peggy, in her truck, were drag-racing through downtown Hamburg when they knocked off Hopper, who was walking his pet hog, Mortimer. As they pass nigh to the casket, Peggy expresses deep feeling as she murmurs to Allen, Ah, they did a wonderful job on Hopper. He looks so alive. At which Allen replied, That's too bad! Come on, let's go, I left the motor running on the cycle. They replaced their helmets on their heads and walked away getting their supposedly last look at Hopper. DR. GREGORY PURTEE, local veterinarian, who, awakened in the middle of the night, hastily pronounced Hopper dead. He and his medical assistant, CINDY BARKER, came to view the body on the way to the animal hospital. Then a painter camerin with a ladder and bucket of paint and began preparing to start laying it on. I went running over inquiring what she thought she was doing. She said, They told me I was supposed to paint the walls of a large brick building on the right, That's Scotty's down the street! Now get out of here! I informed her. As the painter, who was JANET SNYDER, went, she brushed against BEVERLY LIPPS who exclaimed, We1l! You see, Bev had invested in essence of frog oil and had gained a large fortune. She even had her own personal traveling beautician, PAMELA LACEY. I just couldn't take it any longer and I went out on the front lawn. I then saw four women cackling up the sidewalk. LINDA DEBOO, who is a noted criminal lawyer, JOYCE GEETING, who is married, but still working in a doctor's office, JANICE ROSE, who is owner of the drug store in Eldorado, and SUSAN LONG, who is a nurse in Dayton, are busily discussing their bridge game. All at once I notice something gigantic falling down from the sky. It's a giant bird! No, it's a UFO! No, it's SANDRA HARRISON in a parachute. She plumped on the ground, gathered her equipment, and came up to me. I was near a state of collapse when I saw CONNIE ELLEMAN, fully attired in a track suit, running up the stairs and into the chapel. The next thing I remember was MICK AND JOELLEN WALTZ, who had gained fame on nationwide television, helping me up off the ground and KAREN HUNDLEY, President of Harvard College, informing me that the funeral services were about to begin. I pulled my body into the chapel, and plumped myself down in a chair. As I sat there I noticed a card sticking in my shirt. As I read it, I discovered the card to be a dental appointment. EMMA RATLIFF and IRENE REYNOLDS then proceeded to explain to me that when I was unconscious, NANCY SOURBEER came along, propped open my mouth, found three cavities, and left the card. Looking on, I realized that Joellen Waltz was opening the service with a number on the organ. As Rev. Short began his message everyone began to whisper and bustle about. I felt sorry for Rev. Short, who had conquered many obstacles to become a minister. And then all at once everything became quiet. I thought surely Rev. Short hadn't said something interesting. Then I became numb as I saw the corpse slowly rising out of the casket behind the Rev. Short. Now Hopper had climbed completedly out of the casket! He went up to the Rev. and said, Hi, Soft! Rev. Short took one look at Hopper's face and took off running toward Cincinnati, At this point it dawned on me what I had forgotten. I had forgotten to .. . EMBALM Hopper! ! 1

Page 33 text:

Z Vw., .. fain . --1. K5 'W f W. - ,.,-W If if .Q ,qW,L, 1 'MJ 1. Q .,, , ,, A,