Monroe High School - Memoria Yearbook (Monroe, IN)

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the most eye-bulging shows Paris has ever seen. They are really skilled in handling their puppets. Radio reporter Walslice Windshield reports the greatest story of the century. A most phenomenal achievement, said Mr. Windshield. Inquiring further, I find that a new record of flagpole sitting has been established by the one and only Donna Lou Crist. Five years ago today, Miss Crist was strolling in Jackson Park, when suddenly, she saw a man. In her haste to catch him. she misjudged her speed and ended up on top of the Tribune Building where she has been ever since. sitting on the flagpole. Moral- Haste makes Waste -Also she is still an old maid. OVERHEARD ON A STREET CAR Say, have you seen the new picture the artist Miltcn Habegger has done? Yes, I think it's the most wonderful, extra- ordinary piece of work that has been displayed in years. So original. Rumor has it that he is to be recommended for the Pulitzer Prize. Isn't that marvelous? The name Milton Habegger seemed.to ring a familiar bell in my mind and I wondered if it could possibly be the same Milt I had known in schcol. I inquired of the two ladies. and sure enough. it was the same. Being interested, I asked whether it would be possible for me to see his great masterpiece. Oh, replied one of the ladies, just go to your nearest grocery store and stop at the canned vegetables' counter. He designs labels for spinach cans. Further inquiry into the subject of Mr. Habeg- ger and success proved that our friend, Pauline Nussbaum, is busy now as Mrs. Habegger raising a family of storks. We are sorry to say that since the All the Way Space Ship Company. has been on strike we have not been able to gather much information about Mary Alice Steury. but can only report that she is doing a thriving business with her hot-dog stand on the Moon. There is a rumor that she is plan- ning to marry a man from Mars. New York, New York, July 16. 1959 tFrom Prew D'earson's Gossip Columnl Word has been received from Hollywood that New Yorks Man about town, Byron Liechty, has chosen himself another bride. The lucky girl is Lona Grable. This is Byron's fifth marriage. W'hen questioned by reporters about the unsuc- cessfulness of his previous marriages Mr. Liechty stoutly declared that he loved marriages. The only trouble he said was that his wives didn't. After dining at the Waldorf. I discovered many aches and pains which I did not have when I ate other places. Investigating the cause I wandered back into the kitchen where Pierre De Bradforde, the world renown chef was at work. I gazed a moment at the character in the high white hat and then. it spoke, Pierre, better known as Pete informed me that for six years he had been working on a recipe botk to end all cooking worries. It is to be called. How to Win Friends and Get Rid of Unwanted Relativesf, Kenny Funk. who is in business for himself is following his life-long ambition . . . raising those beautiful potted geraniums, the small size for home use--that large beautiful type for business firms. Kenny's poor little. hard working wife is so alergic to-no not Kenny they have decided to rent their honeymoon cottage and sleep with those dear geraniums in the greenhouse. Fourteen EAVESDROPPING OVER THE BACK FENCE h 1.?1d you see that beautiful shiner Carl Bauman as. After hearing this, I decided it was time to see Carl Bauman and get the straight story. I did, and here is the story wordi for word. fExcept a few we can't print.i I was the best saleman in the company. I had been for the past five years. And then they fired me, just because of one itsy, bitsy, mistake. I'm so mad, I could eat fried chicken. Here's hcw it was. 'tYes, wasn't that terrible. I heard he got fired from the Fearless Vacuum Cleaner Company, too, and he said he was one of their best salesmen. . I was expanding my territory to the rural dis- trict. Why should a 'farmer's wife be without a Fearless Electric Vacuum? So, I walked up- to position, started talking. Madam, I am a representative of the Fearless Electric Vacuum Cleaner Company. I have here a display model of our new cleaner. Slipping further inside the door I continued: I shall demcnstrate it to you by first putting this pocketful of sawdust on your obviously new rug, then, scattering this bag of chicken feathers around on your furniture and then, this box of confettie on your curtains, furniture and floor. Now. I will show you how easily and quickly my product will clean. Will you show me the outlet? We clon't have electricity, the lady said. A PLAY IN ONE ACT Cast: Qera Inniger-successful Magazine Model. Philippe Persotona Mergetroict-her agent. Time: Daytime. Setting: Office of P. P. Mergetroid. 1Corner Drug Store. first phone boothi Miss Inniger: lEntering slamming door, very viciously saysr Hey you!'f P. P. Mergetroid: 1Removing glasses, setting down, standing up, emptying waste basket and lighting cigar? Yes? Miss Inniger: Why haven't you found me 3 jobi ' P. P. Mergetroid: lContimplatingi H.mm! Miss Inniger: lLifting eyebrowsl What'? P. P. Mergetroid: Here are some requests for mcdels. Let's see-Towers, no. Life Magazine Crver Model, no. American, no. Aha, hare is the perfect one. Miss Inniger: Whats that? P. P. Mergetroid: The before picture in a 'Dcn't Let Nature Do This to You,' Ad. Claren Iehman was the world's champion knit- ter. He was really a knit. Wondering how he cot ld cash in on his skill. and after many hours of strenuous exertion-thinking-he came upon an idea. Why not knit clothes for little kids. Thus, his company started. I need a slogan, he decided. Let's see, Little Toys of Little Boys. Little Skirts for Little Gertsf' t'Little Hats for Little Bratsf' Little Clothes for Little Sehmoozf' Little People -No- Little things for little peo- ple -that's it. He can't sell any of his clothes so he is looking for a widow with many children. This may be your lucky day. Bong, Bong. Bong. Three o'clock and all the female population of America dash to their radios, turn them on, and hear: t'Do you feel low when you bend over? DO you have trouble seeing in the dark?,' Do you

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R DERRYL LEHMAN Band 1, 2, 3, 4, Physical Ed. 1. MARY ALICE STEURY Berne-Latin Club 1, 2, Cheering Club 2, Girls' Chorus 1, 2g A Cap- pella 2, Training Chorus 15 Band 2, Monroe-Girls' Chorus 3, Mixed . Choir 3, 4, Booster Club 3, Band 3, 4g Class Play 3, 4, Literary Re- porter. GLADYS ZURCHER Class Play 4, Class Secretary 1, 4, Vice President 3, Choir 1, 2, 3, 4: f Girls' Glee Club 1, 2, 3, Annual Advertising Manager 4, Booster Club 3, Physical Ed. 1. ROBERT ROTH Physical Education 1, Choir 1, 2, Class Play 3, 4. SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY It being the custom for the junior class t0 prophesy what we believe the future holds for the graduating seniors, we have compiled this list of incidents which we think might appear about the seniors in the world's leading newspapers, the Who's Who books and the Encyclopedias for 1959, or be whispered across the back fence. We give them to you- Mexico City, July 9, 1959 A. D. Tragedy zo.5l success struck simultaneously at the bull Fighting arena today when Bertha Ray, champion bull fighter was injured after charging a giant Brahma in a last attempt to subdue the raving beast. Miss Ray was unarmed, except for a level head, and the bull seeing her charge level head-on, died from shock. Miss Ray stubbed her toe tripping over the fallen carcass. Bob Roth, here-to-fore an unsuccessful novelist fbecause he hasn't written anythingi fell down the back stairs of his two-story, two-roomed' man- sion crying, Darling, Darling. Embracing the evergreen tree and then seeing his mistake walked over to his cow and cried I have it. My first successful novel. It's about what every young man should know. I'll be as famous as Dale Carnegie. I'm going to call it How to Win Wait- resses and Influence Bartenders. Incidently Mr. Roth writes under the name Clementine Paddle- board. CARD OF THANKS The thanks and appreciation of all the towns- people of Monroe goes to Miss Christine Sprunger, who has succeeded in putting the little town of Monroe on the map. Miss Sprunger was chosen in Atlantic City as Miss Broadwalk of 1959. Thanks again, Christine. Dick, are you ever coming? Yes, dear. How many times must I tell you not to leave the keys in the Buick? Yes, dear. Will you ever learn to speak up? Yes, dear. I moved closer so I could get a better look at New York's most famous playboy and discovered him to be Dick Coppess. After a Htting back- ground as M. H. S.'s most pronounced girl chaser. Dick has finally been captured. Who is the lucky girl?-Why Gladys Zurcher!!! She is sitting down for a life of leisure-Dick and Buicks. OVERHEARD ON A STREET CORNER IN PARIS Have you seen IT? What? The three American girls in their new show. Who'? Waneta Neuenschwander, Grace Liechty and Jeanette Schwartz. No! Best thing since Mae West. Oo la la. Woo woo. Scandalous Im going again tomorrow night. These American girls have developed one of Thirteen

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N 9' If R First game tipoff . . . Jim scores again . . . Tip in, we hope . . . Vera and her man . Madge . . . Interesting . . . Speed demons . ..Safe landing . . . Physics experiment. feel rundown when hit by a speeding truck? Do you want to get a bang out of life? Here's one-BANG-and now we bring you Derryl Leh- man and his advice to the lovelorn. Good afternoon, ladies. Our first letter is from Amelia Miineybags who writes: 'Dear Mr. Lehman: My husband is a very rich man and buys me everything I want. Last week I wanted a little dog and he got me one. I loved the dog very dearly until he stopped eating his dog food. What should I do'? ' Dear Mrs. Moneybags: Try eating dog food and see how you like it, Podeenk. Arkansas. July 10, 1959. U.P.4 Olympic diving champion, and America's fore- most critic of acquatic sports made another spec- tacular dive today. Always looking for new pud- dles to conquer. or to make a big splash, Bob Beitler rode his sky hook to the tremendous height of 100 feet and dived into the three foot deep. Lake Wahoo. During his descent, he accomplished two somersaults, three spirals. one jack-knife, and got his pipe lit. This is indeed the most daring. record-breaking dive ever made in history. Funeral services will be tomr-rrow at 3-:io p, m. Fifteen