Milwaukee School of Engineering - EMF Yearbook (Milwaukee, WI)

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 ’THE 1920 EMF- —„ —■ -- V ©V —-« —■— gMtea THE DOUGHNUT Reader you have probably lived some one-score years and possibly a few more. During that time you have seen many changes; many reforms have come and gone, but we still have with us the doughnut. How much longer must this miner of America’s digestion remain? Since we have a liquorless land, why not a doughnutless one? Gaze at the doughnut. What is it? Lay it on your plate. What do you see? A positive zero. Hat it. What do you sec? A negative zero? This is simple of comprehension and mentally quite easy to digest. But how about your stomach ? The only thing that can happen there is an extreme aggrava- tion. Again, how many people know how to cat the doughnut? One requires “Fresh’’ math., at least, to tackle it with any degree of safety. Suppose a left-handed man bites into the first quadrant, first; what happens? It be- comes minus. This is contrary to all laws: The epiglotts, not being pre- pared for this, will probably epiglot improperly and the man will be seized with convulsions. Again, suppose he bites between the first and fourth quadrant and this portion makes a tangent with the esophagus. What is the result? The esophagus immediately becomes a line function and extends from positive infinity to negative-. The victim will most likely attack his companions, biting viciously. There is, of course, a certain class of people who believe that ducking renders the thing harmless. True, the ducking process weakens it greatly, but it does not entirely disable it. The chief trouble lies in the fact that, in- stead of being retained as a precautionary measure, the ducking becomes a habit. This habit creeps on one until it finally becomes a passion and the addict consumes such large quantities, as to be almost fatal. It is possible that, in a spirit of extreme boldness, some venturesome youth might wager to swallow one of the accursed things in its entirety. Should he succeed, the result will be truly awful. Think of the clash of zeros and infinities, both positive and negative, which must take place. Tan- gents, cosines and secants will pierce him in all directions. Most likely there will be no trace. Kind friends will send lilies to mark the spot where he might have lain, had he but had more sense than swallow. However, if one insists upon consuming this dyspeptic viand, he should at least observe a few elementary precautions. Grasp the thing firmly and make a determined bite into either the second, third or fourth quadrant— preferably the third. Then attack the cross-sectional area, biting off but one degree at a time, and consuming the first quadrant last. This will reduce it to it’s negative state with a maximum degree of safety. There is only one thing to do! Let us rise and banish the product for all time and eat safely for aye and forever. Page One Hundred Pig ily-eig tl

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 1920 E ———ni.c ... EDUCATION AS IT IS Brother freshmen, you of the class II, what have you gained from college life? Buddy, let me tel you sumpin’. (I merely state my case because I believe it to be fairly representative of a good many.) I. like so many more of you, came here last fall, fresh from the service. I was entering into the world again, freed from many of the niceties of civilization, full of strange ideas, beaucoup kinds of language and possessed by an awful thirst. In fact, I was raw and uncouth—possibly a diamond in the rough, but if so, in the very rough. One semester has worked wonders. Today, I am a polished man. I admit it. I am polished to a high degree. Three months of surging and heaving about in the bottom of these one-armed arm-chairs has pro- duced a luster, which, my tailor informs me, will remain with me, unless my finances unexpectedly blossom forth to the strength of a new unit, until I pass into a decayed old age. This change, although at first gradual, is. nevertheless, miraculous. It creeps on us, while we sleep; unwary, we do not notice it until it has already become deep seated. After becoming deep-seated it becomes deep-elbowed and now it shows an alarming tendency to spread in all directions. Soon. I expect I shall sparkle both fore and aft until I resemble a Kentucky blue- grass glistening in the morning sunshine; only I shan’t have any mountain- dew. (Please excuse me mixing the metaphor, but what else can you mix nowadays ?) Brother this has been undoubtedly a great thing for us. I hope we all realize the benefits of this very necessary part of a man’s education. Most assuredly, we received it at a timely period in our career and we should be extremely grateful. But now that we are polished to the extent of being almost blase—to say nothing of being practically passe; should this part of our course continue? I think not. Why should we be rubbed at for the remainder of three years, when we are already burnished to the power of shine? Again, let us consider the bubbling youth, so fresh from high school, who will follow in our footsteps. Ought he of the unsophisticated mind and immature thought, receive this portion of his training so early in his life. Are not his years too few and tender to be given this worldly appearance? Should he not wear his blushes on his cheek instead of on his clothing—for another year at least? He should. What then, shall we do about it? I think that the school, as a modern, enterprising, new-idea institution, should install a different type of furniture. They should secure a supply of chairs and set- tees such as is found in the better class (the kind I prefer) of hotel lobbies. That is all I would ask at present as T buy my own stationery. Personally. I do not think that those table-armed, hard wooden monstrosities, which we at present have, arc fit for any man to sleep in. Let us then unite for com- fort; comfort means happiness. And remember: “The happy mind is an intelligent one” (I read that somewhere.) Surely, with the prospect of us becoming intelligent, the faculty and all concerned will give us their most hearty co-operation. Yea. verily, yea! Page One Hundred Ninety