Milwaukee School of Engineering - EMF Yearbook (Milwaukee, WI)

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 ’THE 1920 EMF- —„ —■ -- V ©V —-« —■— gMtea THE DOUGHNUT Reader you have probably lived some one-score years and possibly a few more. During that time you have seen many changes; many reforms have come and gone, but we still have with us the doughnut. How much longer must this miner of America’s digestion remain? Since we have a liquorless land, why not a doughnutless one? Gaze at the doughnut. What is it? Lay it on your plate. What do you see? A positive zero. Hat it. What do you sec? A negative zero? This is simple of comprehension and mentally quite easy to digest. But how about your stomach ? The only thing that can happen there is an extreme aggrava- tion. Again, how many people know how to cat the doughnut? One requires “Fresh’’ math., at least, to tackle it with any degree of safety. Suppose a left-handed man bites into the first quadrant, first; what happens? It be- comes minus. This is contrary to all laws: The epiglotts, not being pre- pared for this, will probably epiglot improperly and the man will be seized with convulsions. Again, suppose he bites between the first and fourth quadrant and this portion makes a tangent with the esophagus. What is the result? The esophagus immediately becomes a line function and extends from positive infinity to negative-. The victim will most likely attack his companions, biting viciously. There is, of course, a certain class of people who believe that ducking renders the thing harmless. True, the ducking process weakens it greatly, but it does not entirely disable it. The chief trouble lies in the fact that, in- stead of being retained as a precautionary measure, the ducking becomes a habit. This habit creeps on one until it finally becomes a passion and the addict consumes such large quantities, as to be almost fatal. It is possible that, in a spirit of extreme boldness, some venturesome youth might wager to swallow one of the accursed things in its entirety. Should he succeed, the result will be truly awful. Think of the clash of zeros and infinities, both positive and negative, which must take place. Tan- gents, cosines and secants will pierce him in all directions. Most likely there will be no trace. Kind friends will send lilies to mark the spot where he might have lain, had he but had more sense than swallow. However, if one insists upon consuming this dyspeptic viand, he should at least observe a few elementary precautions. Grasp the thing firmly and make a determined bite into either the second, third or fourth quadrant— preferably the third. Then attack the cross-sectional area, biting off but one degree at a time, and consuming the first quadrant last. This will reduce it to it’s negative state with a maximum degree of safety. There is only one thing to do! Let us rise and banish the product for all time and eat safely for aye and forever. Page One Hundred Pig ily-eig tl

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Page One Hundred Eighty-seven

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