Millersville University - Touchstone Yearbook (Millersville, PA)

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20 THE HAMMER. Not long after this we had our Senior Sociable, one of the greatest occasions in the historical annals of this institution, for by it we fully established our supremacy in social, elocutionary and decorative spheres. We not only had a unique, but, I am safe in asserting, a fascinating sociable. The faculty was enchanted, the students dazzled, and the Middlers bewildered. By the superior excellence of our own artistic productions, the charming purity and classic beauty of our decorative arrangement, and novelty of entertainment, we proved ourselves as conclusively champions in the social and {esthetic field as in the athletic or intellectual. Is it necessary for me to drag down further humiliation upon their devoted heads? Theirs is indeed a tale of woe, of repeated failures and miscarried plans. How Doc and Hoflie captured (?) our class bunting will ever remain a pleasurable memory with us; with what stealthy tread Hoffman approached Doc's door; how gently his choking stage whisper sounded through the keyhole, and, alas! not only his “Yes, it will be dead easy! We will simply walk down and bring it up”—sublime faith! “But when they got there the bunting was gone, And so the poor Middlers had 110116.” The cry of anguish, those awful maledictions issuing from Doc’s enraged soul, still rings through my ears, as they discovered the direful truth that again they had been “Too late, too late, To gain anything at such a gait.” Poor boy Ross! he still is moved to painful emotions whenever he hears the strains of “Where is my wandering boy to-night?” Shall I answer the query? No, let us spare him the pain and humiliation of recalling that fateful night of cold and famine and sleepless anxiety, and we need not be informed, for that night three of our number spent a blissful night searching out the mysteries of the heavens from Rooms A and B. About this time also an extremely destructive and unlooked-for conflagration suddenly broke out in close proximity to the Gymnasium, causing extreme excitement, which did not subside for several days. The fire was supposed to be of incendiary origin, and was not

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CLASS HISTORY. 19 wild turmoil of shouting and cheering was wafted down to us the martial strains of hymns of victory, chanted triumphantly by our “naughty-three” co-eds, inspiring us on to do greater deeds of valor, while the “naughty-four” girls could but gaze, with tear-dimmed eyes and burning cheeks dyed crimson with shame, upon the disgraceful overthrow of their fallen heroes, and see them creep from the scene of their discomfiture, utterly exhausted and with conquered shields reversed. To signalize our triumph we intended displaying our ensign, but the Profs thought the Midlers might be pained thereby; and as their burden of sorrow was already more than they could easily bear, we generously desisted. It was rumored that several Middlers, in the fury and rage of bitter disappointment, did for a space lose all self-control, and really did hazard unconsidered interference; but they accidentally (?) were brought into painful contact with certain hilarious Juniors, and were badly hurt. The combat was aweinspiring to behold; to see Ruel and Hoffie and several other feather-headed desperadoes of the class of “nineteen-four,” being whirled, struggling but helpless, about that terrible vortex of Junior humanity. The field of battle reeked with Hoffie’s gore and lay o’erstrewn with Ruel’s outer garments, when the Profs mercifully interfered and saved enough of the mangled remnants to enable identification by their weeping friends and relatives. The Senior girls also—all honor be due them!—assisted by the noble-hearted girls of “naughty-five,” valorouslv. like Amazons of old, repelled all nefarious attempts upon our victorious ensign. Twice they bowed their proud crests in submission to the very dust, before our unconquerable ranks. Such is the punishment in store for the over-audacious. It is a well-known fact that Ruel, president, and Hoffie, athletic manager, of “naughty-four,” did not recover their wonted airiness for several weeks. They even ceased to snap, “mirabile dictu” after their disgraceful exhibitions on the Gym floor. After we had done with them, the Juniors put in a little practice work on them, but were forced after several trials to discard them as utterly useless. In athletics, I am proud to say, we henceforth stood the acknowledged champions in whatever channels we have directed our energies.

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CLASS HISTORY. 21 covered by insurance. To allay the undue excitement of class spirit which we were supposed not to possess, and to rescue the Middlers from further disgrace, the games between the Junior boys and Middlers and the Middler girls and Seniors were called off by the physical directors. Let me say that the Juniors, though much disappointed, yet acted with their characteristic gentlenunliness; but the nineteen-four girls! language fails me and shame crimsons my cheek at the thought of their unparalleled conduct, their expressive terms of comparison; the power and diversity of their qualitative adjectives was sufficient to cause the blush of manly shame to mantle the cheeks of their co-eds, at the thought of their own weak milksop method of stating their impressions; in fact, we noticed a distinct change for the better, soon after, in the choice of their descriptive adjectives and their adverbs of emphasis. About this same time the Juniors, desiring a slight diversion, put the Middlers through some of their circus antics; they afterwards expressed themselves as well pleased with the entertainment thus received. On Monday following our sociable the Middlers, for the first time, experienced the signal honor of taking psychology beneath our colors. We are proud to state that they became so enamored of them that they desired to retain them as their very own; but we, while they were waiting for us to kindly give them an opportunity to fulfill their wish, removed it. We too fully realized their utter unworthiness to receive and properly honor and protect a legacy so sacred and priceless. The pennant which George, Hoffman and Ruel elevated on the flagstaff with such infinite pains and fortitude, we let an ordinary workman take down. Thus did another of their ensigns meet an ignoble and sadly sudden end. This ends our successful struggle for class honor. From this time the Middlers ceased their unavailing efforts to snatch from our firm grasp the supremacy of the school. What follows pertains to ourselves. For individual brilliancy our class has been unparalleled. The poetic effusions of Salama T. B., etc., etc.; the fate of Laurence, our most highly cultured macaroni, fallen from Grace; Hullv, the bold, bad man, the slayer of the Profs and the breaker of maidens’ hearts; Jeannette, who has a marked