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RESERVATION miami junior high school fort wayne, indiana volume 4 " ESMERALDA IN THE LAND OF ENCHANTMENT " or " BEING A FAIRY TALE PRINCESS ISN ' T ALL IT ' S UP TO BE " Once upon a time, in the far-off land of Enchantment, there lived a king, his wife the Queen, and their bee-yoo-tiful daughter, the Princess Esmeralda. Princess Esmeralda was very lovely, indeed, but as the princess was quick to point out, she was more than just another pretty face. Ez was very talented. She could sing, sew, shoot, play the harmonica, multiply four numbers by four numbers in her head, and sharpen pencils with her teeth-all at the same time. Many young men came to claim the young princess in marriage, but Esmeralda would have none of them. Instead she would turn them away, yawning behind a delicate hand, and eagerly returning to " Teaching Your Parakeet to Retrieve. " The King became distraught as the years went by, and still the lovely Esmeralda refused to marry. On the day of her 18th birthday (by then she was considered next to an old maid and the marital scene looked almost hopeless), the King stood before her in her library, surrounded by her books, magazines, telescopes, and aquariums, all about far away people, places, plaques, plagues, pears, periscopes, and plays. He demanded that she accept one of the young men of the kingdom. Esmeralda coolly replied sjie would not and continued reading " The Economics of Raising Goldfish in Eastern Europe. " The King screamed and tore wildly at his hair. -i " Why can ' t you be more like your cousins?! " he shouted. He calmed down and made his voice smooth and beguiling. " Remember Claudine and the wonderful wedding she had last spring? Uncle Maurice shelled out 15 serfs and 23 shares of Feudal Oil to throw that reception at Trinity Druid. Is it too much to ask that you go along with the system? " " Remember what Claudine ' s fiance ' s mother did to her the night before the wedding? " Esmeralda countered. " She stacked 39 mattresses on top of one of a pea and made Claudine sleep on them. Well, Claudine told me the pea was so uncomfortable she tossed and turned all night, and finally fell off the bed and broke her wrist, but her in-laws hushed it up. Would you like something like that to happen to me? How could I play handball with a broken wrist? " The King frothed at the mouth. " Well, what about your little friend, what ' s-her-name? The one who ate the poison apple and awoke when her true love kissed her? What about her? " Esmeralda shrugged. " It was only a little indigestion to begin with, and the guy gave her mono. Then they got kicked out of Castle Condominiums because the neighbors complained of the noise Snow White ' s friends were making. Always singing and pounding and telling lurid stories of when they all used to live together. Her husband says those seven dwarves are grounds for divorce. The King drew himself up to his full height. " All right, then, " said he in his best " my-word-is-the-law " tone of voice, " if you refuse to marry, I-I banish you from this kingdom! " The King smiled and was quite pleased with himself, sure that Esmeralda would now submit to his wishes. Esmeralda stood up and calmly answered, " So be it. " The King ' s jaw slumped. He stared at her in dismay. " You mean- "
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