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Page 2 text:
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rrmmm m I 75 Uses for a I Dead Yearbook 1 . Polish frisbee 2. dart board (see pp. 168-174 for pictures of faculty) 3. toilet lid (hardware optional) 4. textbook for alligators, horses, penguins, and talking fruit (Izod, Polo, Munsingwear, Fruit of the Loom) Semper Ubi SubUbi 5. luge for midgets 6. belt buckle 7. hiding place for report cards and progress reports ( needs to work harder ) 8. pet food (shred, add water) 9. rolling papers 10. date-directory for St. Mary ' s and Hutchison (telephone numbers available at nominal cost; send 250 and stamped self-addressed envelope to The Owl) 1 1 . primitive weapon (administered corporally, teaches younger siblings a re spect for their elders, i.e., their betters) 12. mystery meat (add grease) 13. tombstone (your name or the name of a friend inscribed for slight charge) 14. bonfire fuel (.6% inflammatory rhetoric, 99.4% inert material) 15. bathtub surfboard 16. sleeping student awakener (for best results, drop flat beside or on head of somnolent pupil) .■ rr •-- -- A eo
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Page 3 text:
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75 Uses for a Dead Yearbook (continued) 17. door-mat 18. temporary pane to replace broken window glass 19. bullet-proof vest (minimum six annuals thick) 20. textbook for don ' ts of creative writing 2 1 . volume one of 1 2-part Time- Life series (not the $30 you ' d expect to pay) 22. aluminum-can masher (great for money-making projects) 23. pooper-scooper 24. Brit ling ' s serving tray 25. wood-splitter (push yearbook vigorously up and down on log) 26. bird-cage liner 27. for wrapping dead fish 28. boy-catcher (girl drops annual, boy picks it up, you know the rest) 29. reflector tiles for space shuttle 30. supplement to the Preppy Handbook 31. partitions for completing . science-wing basement 32. basketball court for little people 33. foreign object for Monday- night wrastlin ' (place in trunks until ready to use) 34. towel for tough jocks 35. cutting board for ginsu knife ( the hand can split a yearbook )
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