Melrose High School - Mustang Yearbook (Melrose, FL)

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mOar OdeS gqgumv Melrose, Florida May 31, 1977 President Donald Williams Smoking Lounge Gray House Richmond, Virginia Confederate States, North America Earth, Solar System, Universe Dear Mr. President; I should like to point out . . . that I have completed your mission . . . with great Vigahl ! The tour through the South's Hall of Fame, proved to be very inspiring. My guide was none other than Maggie the Cat herself! We first entered the Green Room. This room seemed very weird at first, because a white blur kept circling around the room, and as it slowed down I was able to make out that it was Eddie White himself, wearing a suit woven from his specially formulated cotton, which will soon become the world's greatest means of transportation . . . Jet Propelled Long Johnsll We entered the next room where Margaret Herren was writing her next column for the Melrose Daily Tribune. She has recently been voted Miss Dixie Belle, for her kind smile and helpful hints of advice, by the many people who read her Dear Gabby section. The next room we came to was very dusty, and I commented on it. I said, Oh, Mag, this room seems to be filled with dustl , and she said, Yes . . . and this dust was a gift from the great Bonnie Nazworth. You know that she has broken the world's record for being a patient in every hospital in the world! She sends us one piece of dustevery time she enters another one, to be sure that we stay aware of her extreme absence. It was impossible to see the next room, because of the crowd of females that had swarmed around the door. Ilearned that this was the dressing room of Bruzzy Strickland, the great printer. He has printed more greenbacks for the Confederacy than anyone else, and is known world wide by his slogan: Greenbacks . . . a little dab'l do ya! Print more . . . but only if ya dare. Watch out . . . the gals'l all persue ya! They love to get their fingers in your pockets! 1 The next room was the Virginia Room. This is the room where the spectacular coach plans all her plays for the games against the Union. Her Rebel Trotters have won every conference . . . tennis, basketball, golf, bowling, pool, hockey, not to mention the greatest, football. I couldn't understand how she managed this, but I found out later during my tour. On to the next room. This was the Huff Trophy Room. There were trophys everywhere! Hanging from the ceiling, oozing out closet doors. It seems that Fireball Huff has won them all, and has been made the President of the Museum of Speed, near Daytona, where he races his famous . . . Even Faster . As we entered the next room where I was admiring the lovely picture window, I learned how the great coach Ginger goes about undefeated. Crashing through the window, and landing right in the middle of the Jefferson Davis rug, was another speed demon . . . Hessie Mae Tiller. I It seems that this little mite re- places the ball in each game and had just been kicked, at football practice, for a successful field goal! 2O

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CS up erfdbfoes 0 MOST INTELLECTUAL: FLIRTIEST: Paul Huff 8L Carol Rothhammer Rita Tiller 8L Bruzzy Strickland BEST SCHOOL SPIRIT: Margaret Slade 8; Donald Williams

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We walked on and soon came to a room filled with milk bottles and blue ribbons. Another famous Rebel, Jimmy Matchett, has beenworking for years, and now has great news to mothers. After careful breeding, he has come up with cows that give chocolate and strawberry flavored milk! I wonder what he'll think of next! ! ?! ? The next room was vacant. Trudie Morris seems to still be in the Uglia Jungles. She has recently in- vented the Zoospital . A wonderful invention I must say! She trains all sorts of animals to perform all sorts of operations! This will surely go down in medical history! ! I We were greeted with music as we neared the next room. In this room, Marian Fredriksson tries des-i perately to teach her new dance, the Dixie Fly Mash . It is combination of the Cha Cha Cha, Twist, Charleston, Rumba, Jitterbug, and Ballet, all in one movement! So Marian says, the name was taken from the resemblance of people trying it, and a dead fly on the back on a used fly swatter. The next room had a sign on the door which read, DO NOT DISTURB. I learned that our Southern Aristotle, Ellen Scott, spends most of her time in this room meditating for days, over new problems and their seemingly impossible answers. We went on down the hall and Maggie said, This is the Downsy Drawing Rum tpronounced quicklyl, and as she opened the door, something very odd occurred. The sound of rushing water and: fa Oh, my darlin' Oh, my darlin' 6 s Maggie quickly shut the door and said, With so many ruins, it's very easy to get confused! I I As we neared the next room, she perked up and said, This is my favorite rum. It is, of course, my own art gallery! You'll notice my many famous paintings hanging around. Would you like me to point them out? , and I said, Yes, please do. So she began, Well . . .there's this one, and this one, and this one here . . . and that great big one over there, and this little bitty one down here . . . We knocked at the door of Jimmy Downs' room, the Mr. America of the South, but it seemed that he hadn't yet completed his bath, when suddenly a tragic thing happened. Somehow, the big cord, which the carpenters had been using while remodeling a room in the enormous house, had gotten tangled around poor Jimmy as he was trying to find his way to his bedroom, where he could finish dressingll The cord was being drawn outside, Jimmy and all, by a huge machine. As he dragged past us, we could hear him say, calmly but rather insistent, I should like to point out . . . Well, Mr. President, I'm sure by this report you can see the great progress that has been made in the South, and another thing, as I turned around to take one last look at the South's Hall of Fame, 1 read these words, written boldly above the main entrance . . . Save Your Confederate Money . . . Cause the South Shall Rise Agin! ! 1 Truly, KM Carol Rothhammer Confederate Reporter