McKinley High School - President Yearbook (Buffalo, NY)

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106 THE ARTISAN OLD DARKEY'S ADVTCE ' ' Dontt be what you ain'tg Jes' be what you is. lf you is not what you am, Then you ani not what you is. If you're just a little tadpole, Don 't try to be a frog, If you're just the tail, Don 't try to wag the dog. You can always pass the plate, 'lt you can't exhort and preach. lf you're just a little pebble, Don't try to be the beach. Don't be what you ain't, Jes, be what you is. THE OP'l'l'M,l'S'l' lilis horse dropped dead and his mule went lame And he lost three cows in a poker game, And a cyclone came on a summcr's day And carried the home where he lived awayg Then the tax collector he came around And charged him up with a hole in the groundg Then. the village marshal he hovc in view And made him settle his street tax, too. Did he grieve when his old friends failed to call? Wlieii the cyclone came and swallowed all? Did he moan or sigh, did he weep or cry? Did he curse the hurricane sweeping by? No! No! Not he, but he climbed on the hill WilCl'C standing room was left him still, And taking his hat from his old bald head, Witli poise and sublime, he gently said: The last six months have been bad, you bet, lint, thank God, 'l haven 'tl the small-pox yet l SOME VOCABULAR-Y A man whose vocabulary seems to be unlimited when he desires to describe conditions, and whose nights were made sleepless by a switch engine, recently wrote as follows to the railroad company: Is it absolutely necessary in discharge of his duty day and night, that the engineer of your yard at the upper terminal bridge should make his engine ding and dong and fizz and spit and clang and bang and buzz and hiss and bell and wail and pant and 1-ant and yowl and grate and grind and putt and bump and click and clank and chng and moan and hoot and toot and crash and grunt and gasp and groan and whistle and wheeze and squawk and blow and jar and peek and rasp and jingle and twang and claek and mumble and jangle and ring and clatter and yelp and eroak and howl and hum and snarl and putt and growl and thump and boom and clash and jolt and jostle and shake and screech and snort and snarl and slam and shake and throb and crink and quiver and rumble and roar and rattle and yell and smoke and smell, and shriek like h---il

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4 l THE flRT1Srl.N 105 The Hammer A hammer is a most useful and necessary tool in the hands of a carpenter or anyone who has a legitimate use of it. NVitl1 it you may drive a nail or bruise a. finger. When one needs a ,hammer 'he needs it badly. It is really a house- hold necessity. To bring to the hammer is a term often used when one is com- pelled to sell at auction his personal property. The carpenter then and the auctioneer as well use the hammer. The miner uses a hammer to drive his drill. The circus man uses a hannner to drive the stakes for the tent ropes. The stonecutter uses it to guide his chisel.. There is the riveting hammer, the tack hammer, blocking hammer, lnficklayer's hammer, steam hammer and trip ham- mer. Hammers of stone are still found in the relies of antiquity and are still in use among barbarous races. There is the piano hammer, the gun hammer, the dental hannner, the horseman's hammer, the blacksmith 's hammer, and the forgerls hammer. There are more kinds of hammers than anything else in the world. In mythology there is Thor hannner by the throwing of which thunder and lightning was caused. Everyone of these hammers, even the mythological one, has some good and legitimate purpose but there is just one hammer in the world that is the opposite of all these others and that is the hammer which the professional knocker wields with such malicious and fatal results. That is one hammer which should forever be east out from the line of ancestral hammers of 'fame and dignity. lf you are toting a hammer like this throw it away. Bury it. so deep that you will have to go around on the other side of the globe to resurrect it. This kind of a. hammer should never be used. The man who wickedly and wantonly wields the knoeker's hammer should be forever silenced by a well directed blow on the head with a sledge hannner. Boost-don't knock. The Letter EH Someone has expressed the opinion that the letter E is the most unfor- tunate letter in tl1e alphabet because it is always out of cash, forever in debt, never out of danger, and in hell all of the time. Our editorial sanctum adds that for some reason the writer of the above overlooked the good qualities of the letter E and calls attention to the fact that it is never in war, always in peace, and never in prison. It is the beginning of existence, the commencement of ease, and the end of trouble. Vfithout it there would he no life in Heaven, no sleep and no eats. flt is the center of honesty, makes love perfect, and without it there would be no carpenters in America. The poorest religion is the kind tl1at is used for a cloak. Many a ll1El11,S idea of popularity is to have a great big funeral. The most valuable education comes from making blunders.

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THE ARTISAN 107 THE MEN XVHO VVORK IN NVOOIT' The 111011 who work ill wood !-here is a clau That other workers well may envy-these VVho Serve so much, so Well, their fellow mah, 1Vl1o turu to use the tall and sheltering trees. The roof of green becomes a roof of gray, The sturdy trunk tl1e pillars of a home. They fashion us tl1e i11fa11t'S cradle, they Are part of every tlireshold, every 1'001l1. The chair we dream i,11 by the cheery fire, The hoard at Wliich we gather for the meal, The bed to which our weary limbs retire, Arid GVCl'j'iflAli11g' we know 211161 love and feel, They shape from fallen forests for our need- Yea, even that last room ill wl1icl1 we rest, When we lie down to rest at last indeed, Tl1e WO0Cll2l1Ni7S saiuted lily o11 our breast. Their 'S 11ot the dust of 11'1,i11es, tl1e grime of toil I11 sweaty shops of steel and molten brass- 'lllll'il'lS is the scent of SR'l1VllllSt illlll of soil, The song of waters, Xvllld across the grass. .l.l1 everytliiiig they make for us they leave The wooded upland and the quiet shores, Yea, into every article they weave Some iueuiory of God's great out-of-doors. USE YOUR, HEAD A woodpecker peeks, out a great many specks Ol? sawdust, when building a hut. He works like a nigger, to make the hole bigger- He 'S sore if, his cutter 1vo11't eut. He do11'11 bother with plans, of cheap artisans, But tl1e1'e's one thing, C2111 rightly he Said: The whole excavation, has this 0X.DlZlll2li'i0ll- He builds it, by using his head. FIGURE IT OUT How lllillly applies did Adam and Eve eat? Some say Eve eight illlfl Adam two-a total of 1011 only. Now we figure the thing out far dilterently: Eve eight a11d Adam eight also-total 16. We think the above figures are entirely wrong. lf Eve eight a11d Adam 82, certainly the total will be 90. Scientific 1'11e11, however, 011 the Streiigtli of the theory that the Hl1i'0Clill1Vlil,DS were giants, reason Sillllliiillillgf like this: Eve S1 Zllld Adam 82-total 163. 'Wrong Zlgalll. Xvllilt could be clearer iillilll it Eve S1 Ellld Adam S12 the total was 892? l believe the following to hc tl1e true solution: Eve 814 Adam, H1161 Ada111 S 124 Eve-8,938 i Still Zll'l0ifl161' calc1'1latio11 is as l'o'l'lows: If Eve, S14 Adam, Adam 81,242 oblige Eve, 82,056