Martinsville High School - Mavahi Yearbook (Martinsville, VA)

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The Court BAILIFF: Hear ye! Hear ye! The court is now open. Yea, open for business, says Lucy Davis, half asleep. BAILIFF: The Judge, the Honorable Smithson Morris will soon arrive-ladies, now ladies, you must be quiet. JEANETTE Woonv: Oh, he is so handsome. BAILIEF: Sh, lady, please keep quiet, the Judge knows he is handsome. The Judge enters and takes his seat upon the high chair, or rather sits upon his bench, and takes a swallow of -. Now, lady, you must keep quiet. If you say anything like that again you may give every- one a had impression of the Judge, says the Bailiff to Eva Warren. Uudge takes a swallow of water and calls the court to order.J JUDGE: We shall now introduce to you the jury, Miss Edna Roberson, Miss Evelyn Smith, Miss Emma Pearman. Miss Polly Sylvester. Miss Nina Burgess, Miss Hazel Wells, and one man, poor old soul, Mr. Edmund Pickup. Think of it, one man among all these women. Oh, uh, please pardon me: I'm getting off the subject. BAILIFF: The hrst case is case number one. This is the case of Mr. Charles Hurd, who is accused of playing the saxophone at all hours of the night. fThe Prosecuting Attorney, Mr. Edgar Hodnett, arises and looks at the Defending Attorney, who is Mr. Irvin Minter.J JUDGE: Mr. Hurd, will you please take the stand P MINTER: Now, Mr. Hurd, don't forget to put the stand back when you Finish with it. HOIlNET1'Z Mr. Hurd, is it true you play the saxophone all night P HURD: No, sir, I play the clarinet, drums, piano and the radio. HoDNET'r: Can you play, Singing in the Rain? MINTER: I object. I don't like that song. JUDGE: Neither do I. it is terrible. HODNETT: That will be all, Mr. Hurd. JUDGE: Mr. Hurd, are you sure that your saxophone is a good one? HURD! Yes, sir. JUDGE: Well, then, your case is dismissed. JUDGE: BailitT Pharis, call the next case. BAILIFF: The next case is the most important of the day. It is the case of State 'z's. Cressy Morgan. The State charges that Cressy's hair is a nuisance to the public and wishes to have him dye it black. JUDGE: Prosecuting Attorney, begin the case. HoDNE'r'r: The first witness for the State is Mr. Lawson Lester. Mr. Lester, please take the stand. fMr. Lester, after almost falling over the policeman's feet. takes the stand.J HODNPITTZ 'lMr. Lester, give us your opinion of Mr. Morgan's hair. LESTER: I think that Mr. Morgan's hair ought to stick straight up like mine, but who ever heard of a blond porcupine? Therefore, I think that Mr. Morgan's hair should be dyed black, so that his hair would look like a black porcupine instead of a blond one. HODNETTZ Mr. Lester, may I ask why do you always grin ? LESTER: I always grin because I don't laugh. HODNETT: That will be all. Mr. Lester. CMr. Lester goes back to his seat after telling the Judge about Wodley's book of Englishj HODNETT: The next witness for the State is Miss Isabel Thomasson. CMiss Thomasson takes the stand.J HODNETT: Miss Thomasson, what do you think of Mr. Morgan's hair P Miss TuoMAssoN: I think that his hair should be dyed black to keep it from showing on other people's coats. fThe court laughs and Isabel blushes.D But I am not thinking of myself. I think that his hair should be dyed because at night it causes unnecessary light on the street. HODNETT: That will be all, Miss Thomasson. CMiss Thomasson takes her seat beside Eva Warrenj EVA: How did it feel to sit on the witness stand P ISABEL: It felt like sitting anywhere else, my dear. HCXDNETTI The next witness for the State is Miss Mary Gatewood. Miss Gatewood, will you please take the stand ? GATEwooD: I think that Mr. Morgan's hair should be dyed black because it would not interfere with his lessons. By this, I mean that whenever he goes to study his hair will not -'El 26 JEN- 1930

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'5 we H T T In I fi QR I x J X ml i New York, New York, lx x June 4, 1930. M D1-:AREST Mtss Moose: Last night I attended the theater, and whom should I hear but Sue Yeaman, America's I greatest prima donna. I was shocked to find that Lawson Lester and Walter Pharis were ushers. i On returning home, I read of your ten-year absence abroad. I wonder of you would not like 1 to hear of the accomplishments of some of the 'other members of our class? 1 Eva Warren, Isabel Thomasson and Helen Heath are the only Seniors who are married. q Eva, Mrs. Prince Reynolds, and Isabel, Mrs. Coy Meadows, are living happily in the pros- i perous City of Fieldale. Being partners in the poultry business, they raise the best Rhode 5 Island, Leghorn and Plymouth Rock hens in the world and make sufficient profits to furnish their spouses the latest sport model cars and most adorable fur coats. Helen threw away her romantic career and, married Mr. Bente. He said he took her for better or'worse, with his heart .stirred by the anticipated taste of the best of pies. As Helen's pies proved to be the superlative of worse, he is now sueing for divorce, after getting which, he will return to his own yankeedom and seek a maid less coy, but more capable in the kitchen. Helen, I understand, is writing a book, How to be Happy Though Married. 1 I know you will rejoice to hear of the achievements of Charles Reed and Cressy Morgan. Charles, the greatest violinist in the world, has been unanimously elected president of the Martinsville Glee Club. Cressy has become a member of the House of Representative Curly- Haired Men. He often delivers, on our town square, fiery orations on The Far-Reaching I Influence of a Wavy Pompadour, and offers for sale a wonderful preparation of his own make, 2 guaranteed to make waves as lovely as his own. I Edmund Pickup is principal of the Fieldale High School, from whose course of study he has cut out Mathematics, English and Sociology, and Thurley Thornton, as one of his assistants, teaches dancing, coquetry, lip-painting and other arts dear to the young ladies of her classes. Believe it or not, Doris Cardwell is running two pages in the Henry Bulletin, giving advice to the lovelorn. Her replies often fill several pages of our valued paper, whose subscriptions have more than doubled since she took her place on the staff. Jeanette Woody, Nina Burgess and Evelyn Smith, being a wee bit concerned over the accumulation of years and lessening dates, are continually seeking her advice. About seven years ago Mr. Carter inherited two million dollars from his Scotch-Irish uncle, Sandy McShangonassy, with part of his inheritance he pays for the publishing of the Annual, and for a scholarship given each year to the pupil living up to his motto, 'Tis better ' to be good than to be smart. As a friend of mine is waiting for me to go with her to see Ruth Atkins, Charlotte Larrabee, Charles Hurd and Irvin Minter in the latest movie, Love, Honor and Obey, I will tell you about the rest of the Seniors in my next letter. Yours sincerely, Mnuzv Gixrswoon. ' 'Gi 25 E' L-- f f W ,g': T :.-Zg, -gif '-I 1' , 1 9 3 ow 2 - . --------i--f 6 - I , 1549 Y 'li fs.

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'Z.Q41i 'N' ' 'W' f 'III WV V-I-V Y-M A W, HW -aifffj I ,f r 11. I: I I I I I I I I I l I I I I . I I I I I I I cause him to forget his lessons and think about how to keep his hair from losing its wave, or how to preserve its color. He could also spend more time on his lessons by staying away from the beauty parlor. HoDNE'r'r: That will be all, Miss Gatewood. Your honor, the State shall now rest. JUDGE! All right. We shall hear the defense's side of the story. MINTER: Your honor, our first witness is Miss Ruth Atkins. Miss Ruth Atkins, please take the stand. Now tell us your version of Mr. Morgan's hair. MIss ATKINS: I think that Mr. Morgan's hair is luxurious, divine and glorious. How could anyone tell I went out with him if he didn't find Mr. Morgan's hair on my coat? I think that his hair is beautiful. It is so wavy that every time I look at it I get dizzy. Why, that is the reason I fell for him. MINTER: That will be all, Miss Atkins. Your honor, our next witness will be Miss Helen Heath. Will you please take the stand, Miss Heath? Now tell us your opinion of Mr. M0rgan's hair. Miss HEATH! Your honor, I think Mr. Morgan's hair is be-oo-ti-ful. You know, sir, that women prefer blonds but marry brunettes, and I think if there were fewer brunettes and more nice, curly-haired blonds the ladies would be better satisfied. Think of Mr. Morgan with black hair: my, oh, my, what a loss his hair would be to us. Your honor, if you were a girl wouldn't you consider yourself honored to have a blond-haired husband awake you in the morning and ask you to bring him his clothes and give you one sweet kiss with his lzafrf Uh-oh, I mean his lips. MINTER: That will be all. Miss Heath. Our next witness is Mr. Charles Reed. Mr. Reed. will you please take the stand? Now tell us your opinion of Mr. Morgan's hair. REED: Your honor, I think that Mr. Morgan's hair is the guiding light of our team. When we see that blond head under the basket ball goal we know that our team has scored- maybe. Look at me, I have blond hair, but without curls, so I am utterly left out. MINTER: That will be all, Mr. Reed. Your honor, this finishes the defense's side of the case. I have summed up the main reasons for not dying Mr. Morgan's hair black: l. It is a benefit to the girls in several ways. 2. It is a benefit to athletics. 3. It is a benefit to the public at night. HODNETT! Your honor, the State gives a summary of the nuisances of Mr. Morgan's hair: 1. It interferes with his lessons. 2. It isn't possible to make his hair look like a porcupine. 3. It is a nuisance to dark suits. JUDGE: The jury will please retire. EVA WARREN: I bet Mr. Pickup had better watch out while all those women are around. LUCY 'DAvIs: Don't worry, the women won't bother him. CTwo hours pass before the jury announces that it has reached a decision. The jury walks in and take seats.I JUDGE: Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict ? LUCY DAVIS: I bet they reached for the couch when they got in there. EVA WARREN: Yea, they sure did look sleepy. FOREMAN PICKUP! Your honor, we decided for the defendant to keep his blond hair. JUDGE: Very well, ladies and gentlemen. Now, Mr. Morgan, you have heard the verdict and you are excused. CThere is a great commotion in the room and the reporters, led by Sue Yeaman, dash for Mr. Morgan, who was walking with Charlotte Larrabee.J LUCY DAvIs: Well, I think we better get going. EVA: You would say something like that. CThey walk down the street and a car stops by them: the Judge puts his head out of the window.J Oh, ladies, are you going home ? says the Judge. LUCY: Yes, sir, we sure are. CMakes eyes at the Judge.I JUDGE! VVell, keep going. Uust then Theodore Berlin arrives on the scene driving a new tin can special make automobile.J THEO: Ohl Girls. Wanna go by-by with papa ? GIRLS! Where F THEO: Anywhere you say, babies. fGirls get in the car.D GIRLS! All right, Professor, step on the gas. -Tnizo BERLIN. , Azus- ILL? N ,x ,4 K .A PI' ' I xii' .psp I I I 1 I II ,, II I I II v I I .I Il l I I I I I 2 It I II Z I ,W ,II II V, , 4,741 gl-lf! lu ju- u , :L ,gi F-4,4-,11g::,4, ...,.-...::- '-- A fa--ve fem ' ' '. 1 9 3 o I R is I ---- A ----or-r-:If JI iff' 1. k3CQ fS-,..----.4--- .. ---':r::':.. iii, I