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Page 28 text:
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Page Twenty-six The A arm The Truth About l]ou Did it ever occur to you that man s life is full of crosses and temptations? He comes into the world without his consent, goes out against his will, and the trip is exceedingly rocky. The rule of contraries is one of the features of this trip. When he is little the big girls kiss him and when he is big the little girls kiss him. If he is poor, he is a lemon. If he is rich he is a crook. If he needs credit, he gets it in the neck. If he is prosperous they all fall over themselves to do him a favor. If he is in politics, it is for graft. If he stays out, he is no good to his country. If he does not give to charity he is close-fisted. If he does, he does it for show. If he is actively religious, he is a hypocrite. If he had no interest in religion, he is a hardened sinner. If he gives affection he is a “softy. If he cares for no one he is coldblooded. If he dies young, There was a great future before him ; and if he lives to an old age, he missed his calling. If you save money, you're a grouch. If you spend it, you're a loafer. If you get it, you’re a grafter, if you don't get it you're a bum. If you re a lawyer you’ll wish you were a manufacturer; if you're a doctor you 11 wish you were a salesman; if you're a dentist you'll wish you were a merchant; if you're a preacher you'll wish you were a banker. Oh! What's the use?? DO YOU REMEMBER? Do you remember way back when I told you The Tale of Two Cities when The Story of Elaine” tells us about the “Coming of Arthur who Travels With a Donkey and in which The Idylls of the King are Gareth and Lynette and King Henry the V is the notable character. He takes The De Coverley Papers to Guinevere ' and “She Stoops to Conquer The Tatler” who told us about “The Passing of Arthur? Don: What did she say when you turned off the switch and kissed her? Virden: Said she felt as if she never wanted to see my face again. Rastus: Liza, what fo' yo' buy dat odder box of shoe blackin?” Liza: Go on, dat ain’t shoe blackin; dat’s my massage cream.
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Page 27 text:
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tLc Alarm Page Twenty-five Prophecy of the Sophomore Class 'P HE SOPHOMORES are a very intelligent, vigorous and zealous group of J people. They are a very intermediate class. Every member has the power of intonation. Nearly all of them will practise iotization during the next two summer vacations. Cyril Dietz is going to South America to hunt the Megatherium. He says he is an invulnerable person and would like to meet up with many at a time. Of course he is sure to get a one cent bounty on their teeth and tails. Miss Gladys Johnson will practise the intonation scale so she can go to Cuba and play for the broadcasting station. Curtis Hunt is going to engage in the bee and poultry work. He states: “If 1 get the hives the bees can do the work.’ He might hire some of his girl friends to operate his incubator or he might get married, who can tell? He has bought a house and loaned it to his Uncle Silas. Kennison Hewitt will go to Europe to join tne Slavs, Czecks and Bolshevists in their struggle for supremacy. He might get his board. Elmer Raabe will go to California next summer and the following summer he will be in New York. Ruby Mohr is going to join the Tom Thumb Exposition after which she will become a member of an Eskimo tribe in the Yukon region. Carrie Lebahn will prepare to go to China as a teacher and missionary. She can master the Chinese language well. She can also catch a Chinese coolie or cookee. Adolph Christensen is going to ride Spark Plug and lead his puddle jumper to Utah. He can sell Sparky for ten cents and return to M. H. S. next Fall a rich man. Art Neahring will become a cartoonist during his vacation period. Bessie Hansen will raise turkeys and take care of the baby. Hasel Nelson will become a movie star in the Fox Film Company. Russel Jensen will prune trees and pick fruit next summer with Mr. New-bum as his tutor. —H. H. C. 26 TEN DAYS Virden: “Your honor, 1 was not intoxicated.” Judge: “But this officer says you were trying to climb a chimney.” Virden: “I was, your honor. A couple of cerise crocodiles had been following me around all day and 1 don’t mind telling you, they were getting on my nerves.”
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