Macalester College - Quid Nunc Yearbook (St Paul, MN)

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IN'l'ERES'l'lNG RELICS FOUND IN RUINS. xY0l'klll6ll Unearth Scientific Treasure ill Midway. What was at first thought to be a rune-stone of unique shape was discovered this morning by laborers, working on the foundations of the gymnasium at Macalester College. Upon clcse examination, however, it was found to be a phonograph record of the early twentieth century. After having been carefully cleaned it was placed on the phonograph in the col- lege museum, and our reporter has secured permission to publish what was heard. The little group of men gathered around the queer old machine felt that they were transported back Hve centuries as Prof, Brooks set the machinery in motion. First a voice was heard saying, A Record of the Conversation of the Uta-Ota Club. Elliphone patent. Soon another voice said lNlr. Heed, will you please return thanks. Mr. Heed, whoever he may have been replied, Umph-at-a-ahem, a-er- um. Amen. Confused noises of furniture being moved and china passed followed this, also the murmur of many voices. Soon one was heard above the rest asking, How do they get the water into the watermelon? They planted the seed in the spring shouted a voice, and immediately an uproar arose with shouts and cries of Let's paddle Achesonf' But order was soon restored. Then another voice asked, How would that do it? I can't see the joke. 'fNever mind Cardle, you will next week. Thanks Stock, you'll know it by that time, won't you. Then another voice was heard cackling like a hen. What's the mat- ter with Hamblin, Carson? some one asked. 'tOh, he's only using fowl language over Pat's bum jokes. Please pass the quiet white. Cries oi pain and rage followed this and a voice was heard Oh, don't mind Jesse, he's a mental bankrupt. So are you Ellisonn some one said, in reply, Well, anyhow, I didn't put it in my wife's name, Dean. You wouldn't have drawn any interest if you hadf' But I had the principle, Carson. t'Now laugh! Shimian, laugh! The record was badly chipped here, but soon after the words became audible again. Say, Homer, did you know Evert was taking medicine at the 'UI' No, Fisher, what about it? That is a stiff course. The sound now heard was that of the scraping of chairs on the floor intermingled with the babel of a three-cornered conversation between the voices of Stock, Hamblin and Horne, a sound which continued to the very end of the record. 114

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BRl1lAKI+'AS'l', ETC., AT WALLACE HALL. Elizabeth T.--O, girls, isn't it perfectly grand this morning! I wish I had time to go for a walk. Wouldn't you like to go after Y. W. this afternoon, Grace? Grace MCC.-I have to tend telephone this afternoon. How did you like the show last night, Pat? Louise P.w-Fine! The costumes were simply grand, my dear. I thought you were going, Audrey. Audrey M.-Couldn't. Had to study. I studied till 1 o'clock last night. W'e have a Hnal in Poly Con today. 4 Mabel C.-VVhat do you think he'll ask us, anyway? Do you know what a market is? You don't suppose he'd ask us that, any way do you? Really, do you? Say, girls, do you think I ought to go home? NVhy? O, I don't know, I am going to phone home this morning. . Gladys L. fcoming in latej-Excuse me, please. XVe get less time every morning. Only ten minutes between the first two bells, and I don't believe there were five between the last two. Itfs hard to hurry, anywa.y, while anticipating pan-cakes as a reward. Did you hear that cat yowling last night? Louise P.fDid I? Now, that you speak of it, I believe I did hear a faint noise in the distance. If it weren't for that cat and the bells, I should rather enjoy Wallace Hall. Grace MCC.-Do you know, girls, that cat reminds me of my Aunt Lindy. One night when I got home from a party, why4 Luella M.-I think you told us about that before, Grace. That cat skairt me nearly to death when I came in last night. I wish I had my psychology. My, but I had a good time last night! lf Prof. Andy only wouldn't make us stand up to recite! Eliz. T.fO, that was you who came in so late last night! I heard some one come in. It must have been after midnight. Won't you have some more pan-cakes, girls? Audrey. won't you? Audrey M.-No, I am not hungry. I was up late to a spread last night. O, no! I was studying! I forgot. Mabel C.-Let's see if we can't be the first table to get through this morning. I don't believe anybody wants any more. Grace McC.-Elizabeth, may l be excused to go and clean my room? The inspectors are coming today. I washed my curtains, but they look funny. I forgot the starchg I wonder if that's why. I'm going to cut French, too. I must! Louise P.-Well, Gladys, what are you laughing at now? Gladys L.-Didn't you see Grace? She ran into Anna Anderson. Anna is just coming down. Eliz. T.-O, girls, I must tell you about the dream I had last night! I thought I was at home and-0, welre all ready to go aren't we? If you'l1 remind me, I'll finish my dream this noon. 113

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J OIIFINGS FROM EDVVARDS' SHORTER EDITION. Believe me, Edwards at the noon hour is just about as interesting as taking in a boiler factory. Why, do you know, that when that aggrega- tion of fellows, with Roseau Pete at the head, get started to Hnish the Heats in seven minutes and forty-two seconds, the double action move- ments of their arms and jaws make the Dutch wind mills in a hurricane look like a mud turtle crawling up a hill. It is simply marvelous how they can handle a knife and a fork at the rate of 60 trips a minute, and at the same time keep a glass of water in the air and heading for the same terminals eight times a minute. And then the conversation. I'll wager my meal ticket against an Ohde chip that Hugh Jennings of the Tigers, would give Graue 34,000 a year to have him coach on the side lines. Why, they talk on everything from Bryan by Tully to Bill Phillips asking plaintively if there is any chance for him to get on the ball team. I once knew a mule driver, a Civil VVar veteran, who was the most versa- tile personage I ever knew, but do you know that he would be lost in the confusion of conversation and the multiplicity of subjects handled there pro and con. Jack London could get pointers on the Call of the W'ild there that would win him everlasting fame. But with all their Barney Oldfield speed, their calliope conversation and their Arctic Circle manners they are human and of a mighty good sort. 115