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Page 13 text:
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nbprgraJiuatP Ollaaa Natpa dlmttnr Behold the class. We are rather proud of this Junior class of ours hut our modesty will not permit making known our reasons. You need not ask the professors concerning the matter for they too are reticent on such things. But, as 1 was saying, we are proud of our class and you will be also, after you are acquainted with tlie capal)ilities of its mem- hers. “Paper, beadle, that 1 may introduce these notables.” But who is the beadle? Why Charlie. Surely you know Charlie Bohleder? He who travels from South Baltimore daily and performs his duties as conscientiously and punctiliously as possible. Indeed, if it were not for Charlie we would frequently be carried from one period into another on a “cause and effect” wave of the professor’s. But these elucidations always seem to produce the same ctf ect on Charlie, “time is time.” Introductions being in order, let me present Harry. Besides being a member of the Triumvirate (Oh yes, we have historical characters) “Sorrel,” as you can judge by the title, has a suit of hair that goes most beautifully with a purple tie and an aptitude for clever retorting which runs him aground at inopportune times. He is a staunch friend of the “we-three.” “Why, that’s Lacy.” He is also a member of the Triumvirate and the strategist of the union. While not given much to conversation in class, they say he has taken to insm’ance as a side line and is also frequently seen with focused glasses at the Lack. “Hot water. Father!” Don’t be alarmed — just another Charlie. “Cooly” and chemistry have been for long old friends and he is making the best of a bad case. If “Cooly’s” tlieories worked out, objective idealism would be a panacea for all ills. While being strongly a theorist, he holds that he walks along the Appian Way (Lexington Street) as the shortest route home. That tall fellow with the sombre mien is “Larry.” A true philoso- pher is “Larry.” A solver of all difficulties. He can tell you all about “being,” whether it is physical, metaphysical or mental; he can argue on the universality of concepts, and the objective validity of our ideas. Whatever is philosophical is referred to “Larry.” “I have an objection to that last thesis. Father.” “Mr. Egan has an objection, gentlemen.” Joe seems to be the only fellow who can claim 11
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Page 14 text:
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the attention of the professor in that grand rush for time. No matter wliether the objection be relative to the velocity of a falling brick, or the metamorphosis of a chrysalis it is always thrashed out to the satis- faction of all concerned. Oh ! There is “Rainy.” The final unit of, and the driving power liehind, the Triumvirate. “Rainy” has returned from fighting the Hun and has engaged in tlie peaceful occupation of eliciting laughter at the most serious times; even from someone who strongly adheres “to busi- ness is business.” His “Ain’t that a big one,” and “All right, Choss.” were innovations in the philosoplw class. “You look surprised?” “Yes, indeed, ‘Johnsie’ and ‘Rartsie.’ you simply must meet them together.” Sweeney and Harrington have refused to be parted. It is alleged by those who know that thej have sworn friendship everlasting. Many are the titles that have come to this pair from their intimacy, foremost of which is the “Gold Dust Twins,” They even wear each others sweaters, desiiite the fact that “.Johnsie” claims, “She made it with her own hands.” “Stand up, Chester, you’re next.” Oh, we appreciate your meek- ness; but we also enjoy your impersonations.” “Whafs on the bill today, Chaplin?” “Of course not; at the Hippodrome.” “What, another new one?” “About an Irishman and a Jew.” It certainly must be an expensive occupation following up the jokers, ‘dies.’ Resides, how do you remember them all?” That’s not a German prisoner. That’s John. Oh, his hair! He is a tirm believer in the old adage, “A shave in time saves nine (hairs),” so he had it all taken off. His particular ability? Really, he’s so versatile that we do not know how to classify him. Last summer he was chasing butterflies with a crab-net, and this year he has become so deeply engrossed in the botanical aspect of biology as to present the professor a potted plant (daisies) as a rare specimen of flower. Wafeh fhaf genflemen. Put down your red flag, Mr. Levin. Rumor has it that anarchy, with its “Down with Capital,” has ensnared Mr. Levin. Whether this is mere gossip or not, we know that he has long been training in the science of thixnving. “Ten cents a glass for ‘sody water!’” It sure is going up. That’s “Yingling.” Main street, Westminster, is his rendezvous. You’ve heard of Westminster? They have a store. Yes indeed; you can bu} an oil stove, a suit of clothes and a chocolate sundae in the same place. Ying- ling tells us that the trains even stop there. A flourishing town, that Westminster. 12
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