Loyola University Maryland - Evergreen / Green and Gray Yearbook (Baltimore, MD)

Page 32 text:

the mayor himself. Moreover, I was as little suspected of being a crook as was the lord bishop. Doubtless you have read, now and then, glaring accounts of the “strange disappearance of Lady So-and-So’s famous pearls,’’ or the “mysterious theft of Mr. Somebody’s renowned painting.’’ For the most part, these missing articles found their way into the possession of your humble servant. It took the cleverness and shrewdness which only a gentleman can possess to land each article and to get rid of them to ad- vantage. But I was ever and always successful. There was never a glance of suspicion cast upon me. Fool that I was, I believed I merited my success. I actually boasted to my- self that I was the cleverest, most successful man in my art. Like all fools, I fell with a sickening crash from my pinnacle of success into the bottomless pits of disgrace and despair. Let us come to the sad end of this tale of blighted hopes and a ruined career: I had been residing as a guest at the residence of the Count Von M . It seems my honest blue eyes and manly char- acter had endeared me especially to this household. The family consisted of the little German count, his terribly stout wife, and a daughter terribly stouter than her mother. Now this daughter was about the homeliest representative of her sex I have ever gazed upon. And the horrible thing about it was I knew she had landed on me as her future husband! I avoided that creature as I would the smallpox ! The rest of this dolorous tale follows quickly. There came a stranger into the circle of society — Jennings was his name — who claimed a distant relationship to the countess, and was accordingly installed as a guest at our house. That evening, at a theatre party, this man Jennings displayed a ring set with a gem — the largest I had ever seen in my life. As I stared at him carelessly waving the thing in the light, i t was with difficulty that I restrained a mad im- pulse to snatch the stone and escape in the excitement. Stroll- ing over to him, I asked pleasantly what precautions he took to guard such a treasure. I could almost swear he shot me a glance of suspicion, but, nevertheless, I received all the in- formation I wanted. THE RING REPOSED AT NIGHT IN AN OLD-FASHIONED SAFE IN HIS ROOM. (30)

Page 31 text:

“ullfp oialp of a Irukptt (Earwr.” I F, by any chance, O kind reader, you may be a sufferer from melancholia, then, I earnestly implore you, drop this epistle as though it were a burning brand. Read it not; it may bring on a severe attack of that dread affliction. For this is a sad, sad story written by a disgraced, despairing man. It tells of a successful career cruelly wrecked at its highest pinnacle of glory. Have you a weak heart? Do you suffer ill-effects from depressing stories? If not, then take heed to my woeful tale. I started my career following the profession of my fore- fathers. Now it happens my fathers before me were, above all, gentlemen — also, as a sort of side line, they were ex- perts in that art vulgarly named by some as “thievery.” Indeed, it was a matter of pride that no one of my ancestors was ever known to sully the nam,e of his people by perform- ing any labor or in any manner making money by working for it. So, as the last of my line and to uphold the honor of my people, I also must needs be a thief and a first-class crook. Yet I hasten to disillusion you as to my noble profession. I was not a low, every-day crook — one of the common garden variety, as it were. No, never! As I have noted before, I was, above all, a gentleman. The very thought of my robbing a grocery till or snatching a widow’s pocketbook would have filled my soul with an intense disgust. I was strictly a gen- tleman thief also. I operated in only select society circles. Indeed, I was as well known and as popular in society as was

Page 33 text:

That night my impatience gained the better of my prudence, and I decided to get the stone immediately. Attired in paja- mas and bathrobe, I easily gained access to Jennings’ room. I listened to his heavy breathing, then went to work. To open the safe was child’s play; by the touch system I opened it in fifteen minutes. I had obtained the plush case, made sure of the ring, and was turning away, when, hearing a low laugh, I turned to face the supposedly sleeping Jennings — and also a threatening automatic ! I laid down the plush case ; I knew I was beaten. Jennings laughed again! “See here, my friend, suppose you take a look at that stone,’’ he suggested. Bewildered, I took up the stone and examined it closely. Suddenly I gave a choked gasp. That stone for which I had madly risked my career and lost was not worth the case it lay in! It was pure, unadulterated glass! Jennings smiled at my amazement, then seeming to come to a decision, he bound me quickly with cord he had ready and glided noiselessly from the room. “Gone to get the police,” thought I. Yet I waited there fully two hours before I heard a commotion and — not the police, but the awakened family piled through the door, led by Jennings, who to me seemed strangely ex- cited. “I just surprised him stealing my ring,” he gasped, “and he had these, too, when I caught him,” he added, and, before my amazed eyes that villain displayed a handful of the family jewels he himself must have stolen a half-hour before! I was so stunned my brain reeled ! The family stood around gazing at me in a sort of awed pity. “Oh, did you really take these. Jack?” asked the corpulent daughter, looking more hideous than ever without her make-up. “Yes,” murmured I, weakly; what use was there to deny it? Yet it seemed they could not, and would not, accept the fact that I was a thief. Then suddenly the count, who had lapsed into silence, raised a mighty shout. “I have it,” he cried excitedly, “he ' s a kleptomaniac! The poor boy can’t help stealing!” With thankful shrieks the whole family accepted his state-