Lowpoint Washburn High School - Quill Yearbook (Washburn, IL)

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I was sitting in the Meteorite Room of Christy's Spatial Steakhouse, eating the Saturday Special and talking over old times with Gordon He always said he wanted to play left field for the Chicago Cubs he went one better---he boug the Chicago Cubs Evidently, the restaurant business was booming we were gab bing away when Gordon made an unusual proposal He said that he wanted a class reunion of our class of 'Sh and that he would stand all expenses if I would dig everybody up I considered this an excellent idea and I departed immediately with modern spatial travel, it shouldn't take me over a few hours to find every body After stopping off at the Bureau of Population Distribution to hunt up my classmates' addresses, and at a printing office to have engraved invitations printed, I was off to the races, literally, that is The first name on my list was La Veta Finch, better known as nLeadfoot La Veta, the famous woman stock car driver I was sitting on the south turn when she barrelled around it and piled up on the uard rail I rushed down and asked her if she was hurt No, she replied, 'I do this all the time It's great fun I handed her an invitation and left Kay Shull wasn't hard to find She was the main attraction at Gordon's restaurant The billboard proclaimed Kay HFingersn Shull, and her piano with nthe hottest music this side of C91 The last of the red hot mamas Shar n the billboard with Kay was my old friend, Evelyn Meismer She had changed her name when she became a movie actress and torch singer to Marilyn Meismer I think she married a baseball player I mailed them their invitations I walked down the street a little further when I noticed some little guy was trying to lift a piano into a moving van On closer inspection, I found it think moving pianos was hard work 'Naw, she said, nI'm used to it U And wi h that she gave a heave and threw the piano in the truck I handed her an invita tion and left I stopped at the corner news stand for a paper Anna Adams was the owner of a chain of news stands in thirteen blocks of metropolitan area She came up to me and said, nYou got a quarter for a cup of coffeev' I gave her a half dol lar, an invitation, and took a paper I scanned the headlines There, on the front page, was a photo of Esther Trump in big game hunting garb with binoculars and what looked like a giant sized butterfly net The caption read, uEsther Trump eturns from safari in Africa where she succeeded in captur1ng and taming a wild bushman from South Africa I guess Esther finally got her man There was an item on the second page of the paper about Eleanor Boon She had finally reached her magnanimous goal She had gone West and established a hospital for despondent gila monsters Some people have a way with animals I thought of all the rest of my old classmates and what they were doing Gus White and Russell Pifer were running a rest home for rich, old, retired farmers At last report, they were doing quite profitably Bill Henken was pro fessor of semantics and psychology at the University of Chicago The most heard of was George Remley, the greatest speaker and evangelist of all time His favorite expression 'Do ye good and ye shall be forgiven'u But by far the most successful was Duane Quiram's School of Grace and Poise in Ballet Appar ently, Duane had made good use of his unusual graceful C95 ability Merle Jenkins founded and was president of the SPCPUBP, The Society for the Preven tion of Cruelty to Poor Unfortunate Baseball Players It seems Merle was playing third base for the Brooklyn Dodgers when he was hit on the head by an infield flying beer bottle He had to retire All these invitations I ma1led P R 0 P H E C Y --- ' ht n - . Y' ll 5 . I . O S . ' I .nz . 1 B wasn't a Nguy,n but a ngal.u It was Wilma Schertz. I asked her if she didn't . . t - I . -

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We, the Class of l95h, having certain traits and abilities for which we longer have need, do hereby make this will,being fully aware that the recipients of said traits and abilities will be deeply appreciative of our supreme sacri flees To the junior class we leave our joy of at last being seniors, and our g etness and co operativesness in our class meetings I, Evelyn Meismer, leave the whole blasted yearbook mess to the future editor, and my queenship to some lucky junior girl, also, my black hair to Janet Janssen I, Judy Barnes, will my cheerleading ability to Dick Wood, my long hair to Shirley Remley, and my dateless nights of writing letters to Joyce Oster I, Marie Beltramea, leave my desire to stay single to Joyce Jenkins, and my desire to put my chewing gum in someone's hair to Phyllis Kemp who never gets perturbed at people I, George Alexander, will my sleek, shiny, Rivieria Model A Ford to Richard Vissering in place of his old beat up Chevle to be used solely for the purpose of courting women, and my old jokes to Russell Van Hooser, who needs them? I, George fCook1eJ Remley III, leave my flying license, my boat, and my can and my good grades to Paul Anderson so nothing can keep him from the girls Roger Ingold, will my ability to do the standing broad jump to Rany Herron, and my knack for always staying out of trouble to Harold Boon LaVeta Finch, will my shy and bashful way around the boys to Jean Schertz and my large book on 'Why Chicken Farming is a Profitable Business' to anyone who 'likes chickens the way I do I, Shirley Hahn, leave my stacks and stacks of shorthand notes to Linda Lee Laible keeping class to Emily Janssen, and my book of directions on 'How to Milk a Cow to Roger Eilts I, Robert Emery, will my leading part in the play to Jerry Glaub, and my six weeks' growth of hair and sideburns for the senior play to Bill Gardner I, Duane Quiram, bestow my prowess with women to Gary Tweddale, and my great typing abilityn to Keith Porch Anna Adams, will my hatred for studying and my low grades to Shirley DuBois, and my long hair to Frances Garber Esther Trump, leave my great stature, agility and love of P E exercises to Mary Ann Schneider, and my ability to chew gum in 7th hour study hall with out being caught to Dale Losher, also, my 'greyn hair to anyone who can use it in future plays I, Janet Owen, leave my quiet giggle to a certain group of junior girls I, Bill Renken, leave my safe and sane driving ability to Norman Van Hoosen and my ability of getting up early in the morning and racing the car motor to Kenny Winkler I, Gordon Christy, will my black curly hair to Marilyn Hill, and my ability to rumba to Dale Bennington I, Charles Keith, will my ability to stay awake in study hall to Jerry Glaub I, Merle Jenkins, leave my neat writing to Alicia Laible, and my mathe matical ability to Carol Sue Funk I, Eleanor Boon, leave my talkativeness to Jeanette Kenyon, and my soprano voice to Dale Losher I, Ronnie Hahn, leave my ability to always have my bookkeeping assignments in on time to Beverly Gardner, and my crew cut to Margaret Kizer I, Wilma Schertz, will my height and my ability to always keep quiet and hard at work to Phyllis Zenzen I, Russell Pifer, will my great love for school and being sure I'm at school every day to Frances Garber, also, my blood pressure to Mr Wetzel I, Gus White, will my ability to get by with almost anything in study hall to Perry Rediger, and all my research work about bees to Billy Hardman ho s me day might use the information N I! The Senior Class Cas written by Kay Shulll W I L L . no ui - , I, I, I I I1 . I, Kay Shull, being of sound mind, leave my ability to add zeroes in book: n O I. I, . .

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I was on my way when a gruff voice announced, nHey Budln I turned and be- came aware of a shady looking character and a hat pulled down over his eyes. 'Hey you,n he growled. nM-M-Me?n I asked with a quivering nYeah, you. C'mere a minute.n voice. in a dark suit with the collar turned up And with that, a hairy hand reached out, grabbed me by the lapels, and pulled me into a dark doorway nl got something to se1l,n said the mysterious stran er 'W-what is lt?' I as e 'Would you care to buy some tickets to the policeman's ball?n asked o Emery With a sigh of relief I bought a whole book Bob informed me of his repu- tation as the outstanding flatfoot on the police force He pounded the beat more than anyone else After this encounter, I headed for the nearest space station I purchased a round trip ticket to Mars, took my shots and my physical, and climbed into the ship Captain Ronald Hahn greeted me with extended hand and a cordial welcome aboard After a brief exchange of conversation, I asked him how he liked the weightlessness of free space 'It's great except when swallowing aspirin a lets,N he said we took off and soon landed on Mars The first person I met on the street was Marie Beltramea She told me that Roger Ingold and Charlie Keith auctioneers school Charlie graduated, and became world famous as the auctioneer Roger quit the game and worked himself up to head librarian negie Library in New York I asked her what she was doing now, and she drew me aside and revealed that she had secretly entered the Martian business I was glad she chose a vocation that suited her I gave her tation and mailed one each to Roger and Charlie went to loudest at Car quietly chicken an invi I strolled past a zoo where I noticed, of all peoole, Judy Barnes in a cage I asked her what she was doing and she informed me that she was teaching Australian magpies to talk She also was third assistant keeper in charge of boa constrictors She had a way with snakes She also told me that Shirley Hahn had an unusual occupation She gave me an address and told me to look Shirley up The address was a large building on which was hung a large sign The sign read NG1rl Mountain Hahn, the scientific wrestler will give an exhibit on here tonight I walked in, and there was Shirley having a light workout in the ring After tossing her opponent over the ropes, she sauntered over and said hello ' ere did you pick up wrestlin 9' I asked HOh, it just came na turally to me, she said I gave her an invitation and wound up my visit on Mars There was just one person I could not locate Janet Owen I didn't even have her address nOh,well,n I thought, nMaybe Gordon would know where she is I boarded my space ship and took off for Mother Earth On the way, I chanced to urn on the radio The announcer said, and now, La Asphyxio, the cigar that doesn't let you breathe, presents GAG NET, starrlng hiss Janet Owen as detective sergeant Jo Saturday So that is what Janet is doing' I made a note to send her invitation and relaxed the rest of the trip On landing on Earth, I immediately made for Gordon's restaurant To my surprise, the restaurant was closed and boarded up There was Gordon sitting disconsolately on the step with his head in his hands I rushed up 'What's the matterVn I asked With a forlorn look he told me the sad news His baseball team, the Chicago Cubs, had ended up ln the cellar for the last time Gordon was broke That meant that he couldn't stake a class reunion and that I would have to go back and inform all of my old classmates of his economic catastrophe George Alexander As soon as to his job at counting straws miscounted once result of writing this prophecy? The Editors George had handed us his prophecy, he left hurriedly to return the broom factory where he is first Vice President in charge of He's had this job for eleven years now and so far he hasn't No wonder he goes around talking to himself or is that the g . ' ' k d. ' B b . ' t b- : ' . i .. 'wh g.' . - ll . U 0 H I i t I 'Q I U O I I O Q . 1' O O I I I O l U Q .ly ' .