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Page 6 text:
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L..S. C. I. ORACLE A native of Ireland started away on his iirst trip. Never having been at a railway station, he did not know how to get his ticket, but he saw a lady going in and determined to follow her lead. The lady went to the ticket window, and putting down her money said: Maryhill, single. Next in line was the Irishman, who promptly planked down his money and said: Patrick Murphy, married. Pk Ulf Pk The guide did not know his job very well, but he did his best. Ladies and gentlemen, he informed his party, on your right you see a monument erected last year to a noble cause. And what does it stand for? asked one ofthe tourists. The guide hesitated. Why-er-er-because, madam, he said, it would look so silly lying down. Pk Pk Dk The fat woman on the scales was eagerly watched by two small boys. She dropped in her penny, but the machine was out of order and regis- tered only seventy-five pounds. Heavens! Bill, gasped one of the youngsters in amazement, she's hol- low. Plf Pk Sk MR. URLIN: So we iinally find that X is equal to nought. HUGH THOMPSON! Gee! Fancy all that Work for nothing. Ulf elf PI4 TELEPHONE OPERATOR: I have your party. Deposit live cents, please. MR. FREEMAN: What's that? 97 NANCX' SANTO: What is a cowardly eggyr JEAN MURRAY: One that hits you and runs. - Bk Pk PF MR. WONNACOTT: Have you read my new book yet? HERB CHILDs: 'fYes. MR. WONNACOTT: What do you think of it? HERB.: Well, I think the covers are too far apart. sms.. Q' 'J' KY if 'fAQ. fhqfld. alley an 5222! D. O. 0- fl.3ll 324417 THE LOST FORD Seated one day at the engine, I was weary, and tired, and bored, And my fingers wandered idly Over my old tin Ford. I knew not what I was doing, Or what I was turning then, But I started the old thing going And I never saw it again. It rushed down the road at twilight, And kicked up a clad of soil, Which fell on my tumbled being, Mixed with a can full of oil. I have sought, but I seek it vainly, That one lost Ford so fine, Which came from the factory of Henry, And fled from that garage of mgne. - . T. TEL. OPERATOR: Please 11 deposit your money. 6 MR. FREEMAN: Listen, what ,S QR I want is a conversation with ' J ' 5' a friend, not iinancial advice I ,L-: from a stranger. 2 Sf? fo fl ff Pk :P wk V ' LDC? MR. CALVERT: T ed, why f X f ' do ducks and geese fly north in X ,gn x the springtime? . X OZZIE LITTLEFORD: Because H 14? t - ' it's too far to Walk. Ea A BJ
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Page 5 text:
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96 L. s. C. I. ORACLE ' SX Iliff 5 X ,gl ff X B 0 J , . Q' ' M 9 Editors, MARJORY PEGG, IV B. HAROLD WHITE, IV C MR. CALVERT: How is the seed of the thistle dispersed? BRUCE BRANSTON: Bytthe install- ment plan. i MR. CALVERT: How is that? BRUCE: So much down each week. Pls Pk' Pk TEACHER: What's the meaning of repose? PUPIL Qson of an artistj: Please teacher, it means pose again. ... Q is gn '71, MLW O v PvednGTf ons FY Nell' ear , r 1-'aff ' f 5 , I I -.' Ja 4 . - ' ,1 ,. 1 ii-1? I e..p? 1 I E T S di -- ' I, u ' i ---go if ' 5 K Miss Hilliard and Miss McRobert were discussing the item that was being played by the band which happened to be Handel's Largo. Said one: I think this is a piece of Chopin. Oh, no, replied the other, I'm sure I've heard it before but I'll go and look at the notice on the band- stand. She did so, and on her return an- nounced: My dear, we were both wrongg it's the 'Refrain from Spitting'. wk ak Pls FOR SALE: Baker's businessg good trade: large oveng present owner been in it for seven yearsg good reason for leaving. A gentleman visiting some relatives in Scotland was persuaded to try a game of golf. At his first stroke he aimed a terrific blow at the ball, scattering the turf to right and left, and looked around for the result. What have I hit? he asked. Scotland, sir, grufliy answered the Caddie. gk X Sk MISS' HILLIARD: Spell Chimney. DICK WHITE: C-H-I-M-N-E-Y. MIss HILLIARD: Good! go up one. DICK: Please, Miss Hilliard, I've got mybestsuitonfal' it Pk MR. CALVERT: Define a microbef' TRAVERS Fox: The uniform worn by a radio-announcer. :lf Pk Uk NIGHT PRowLER Cto Ralph Partridge at nightl: Stick 'em up! RALPH PARTRIDGE: Oh! Shoot! you ninnyhammerln 596 eg LA W X
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Page 7 text:
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98 L. S. C. I. ORACLE James' reading lesson was about ships. He came to a word he could not pro4 nounce. Barque, prompted the teacher crossly. Bow-wow! said James obediently. fff . 2 go., 03, U6 eeiw lKi lil Q Jog dudvff L15flV1'l.oOKbYS'0P er O G3 'I -I dvbqf-gag hxsexv oPF1o sf' I I 1 0 in 6 o.-- J lv GIYV'l1 foak Lweffq ,Y rg, Q ' N 1 x1ul'f,f, -gpf1..,. , A J f Q Q 'Z vw-me his cm, In--.vl :ical ,gi . A625 ' Lff 1.77 CQ! Y Yam Y .v 'ZLL Al ' yl- ku, hvvdel Lulu ,lbw 1 f' P 1 r.. i-5 J DAB You have three pairs of glasses, professor? Yes, I use one to read with, one to the third to' find see at distance, and the other two. - 914 Pk all ERNIE GROH: Why don't ladies give after dinner speeches? FRED HAYsoM: They can't wait that long. Ik Pk Sf JEAN HUTCI-11NsoN: I didn't sleep well last night. I had an awful tooth- ache. I VIVIAN WILKES: Oh! You should try repeating to yourself fifty times- 'Get behind me pain ! JEAN H.: Not much! Do you think I want lumbago? wk Dk :lf SALESLADY: Now here's a lovely sentiment-'Merry Christmas to the only girl I ever loved'. FRED HAYSOM: That's fine, I'll take five or six of those. ' DEPRESSION -,,,,,. Ev K3'1J- I-4-513. help a. Poor aero bail' JEANE WATT: This vanishing cream is a fake. DRUGGIST: Why? JEANE: I've used it on my feet every night and they are just the same as they were. Pk H4 :lf JIM MCHALE: I passed your .car last night and it sounded as though it had a miss in it. BEV. SMITH: Could you hear her squawk too? ak ak Pls MR. IRELAND: Tom, what's a bliz- zard? TOM BALLANTYNE: The insides of a buzzardf' . ' , J i H' -- P' j ' I I pg ,-fill' na DEAREST JANE: I could swim the mighty ocean for one glance from your dear eyes. I could walk through a wall of flames for a touch of your sweet hands. I could leap the widest- stream for a word from your lovely lips. As always, AL. P.S. I'll be over Friday night if it doesn't rain. wk 'Pk ik MR. JENNINGS: Who is the world's smartest man? ' HAROLD KESTER: Edison. He in- vented the phonograph and the radio so people would stay up all night and burn his electric light bulbsf'
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